While catching up with Nic last week, I explained my crazy concept of the “life trifecta” and how mine is slowly getting back in balance.

The life trifecta are the three things that keep you sane and stable in your life.

Mine are: Work, friends/family and apartment

These are the things that keep me grounded, balanced and feeling like I’m in control of my life on a manageable basis.

When drama or issues arise in one quad (e.g. moving, being disinvited to a wedding/bachelorette party or work stress), I can handle it because the other two quads are stable. I am then able to manage the disrupted quad and balance resumes.

The shit starts to hit the fan if TWO quads have drama/issues. That’s when the delicate balance is thrown off, and a feeling of sadness or depression can sit in. One quad cannot sustain the stress/drama of the others on its own. If this happens, I start to emotionally shut down and try to get through it to slowly regain the balance.

Now let’s make the trifecta a quad and add a boy in to the mix. I’ve found that the joy of a crush or “new boy” can balance out immediately any other stresses in my previous trifecta, because I’m so distracted by how much I like him. Sure, the other quad imbalances seep in to the all power boy crush quad but, overall, a text, smile or night out with a guy can restore the balance. Making out sure helps too.

But if/when the boy quad falls in to issues or drama, the joy goes away and trifecta that merged in to a square is shot to hell again and it takes time to re-establish the previous balance. Fortunately when my square got smashed, the friend/family quad was so strong and supportive, it made the re-adjustment easier.

You may think I’m totally crazy after reading this, but this is how I logistically explain my life balance.

And right now, I have a big disruption in one quad with a few blips in another. Clearly, the 3am phone in my brain is ready to ring saying, “Chicago, we have a problem.”

How do you handle stress?

Amy recently did a post about giving herself some advice and, well it inspired me because I need to do the same thing.

Here’s my advice to myself:

• Take things one step at a time. When things pile on my plate, I tend to feel very overwhelmed and start to shut down because the list seems infinite. I need to take a step back, look at the list and start with step one. It will all get done, I just have to take it one piece at a time and ignore people demanding more
• Remember what you can and cannot control. When I get stressed, I tend to feel this huge weight on me. I feel like the emotional or snappy reactions from others are my fault and I have to appease them to make it better. I can’t do that. I have to focus on getting my stuff done because their reaction is theirs, not mine. Focus on what I can do and not what I can’t change
• Go dead inside if you need it. I don’t like to do it, but I will, and it has helped. Since I’m such a feeler, sometimes, to get the job done and keep yourself from sleepless nights, twirling your hair in anxiety or drinking on weeknights, you turn off emotion and get it done. Tag line: No feelings? NO MERCY
• Make time for non stressful things. When the weight of stuff just sits on me, I tend to retreat. Find comfort in the quiet of home or being on my own. Alone time is still needed but don’t let the shit of everything else ruin everything else. Meet a friend for a drink or go see a movie, I need to make sure I find that balance and the reminder that it’s not all crappy
• Don’t succumb to candy as comfort. I’m a stress eater and fried things/candy are my mistresses. I’m trying to pack healthy lunches with a little candy treat so it’s manageable but with an office full of candy, I have to remember that a little is okay, but it’s not going to solve the problem
• You can do this. This week, I present at a conference and I’m totally fucking freaking out inside. I did speech/debate for four years and still get nervous when speaking in front of crowds. I am a private person who doesn’t like to be the center of attention. But, coworkers have been awesome and telling me I can do this. I need to hear that and believe it. Because it’s true

Yeah it’s been a little busy/stressful lately, future advice to myself will not be as much of a “holy god woman take a deep breath” theme.

What advice do you have for yourself this week?