Archive for June 2008

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18 June 2008

All the randomness fit for print

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: Chicago, Friends, Random

I normally get all of my genius ideas on the elliptical trainer, probably because it’s the only time I can actually focus and clear my brain. The voices in my brain are very high maintenance during the rest of the day.

So because I’ve been super busy at work again and working later, I haven’t had the energy or time to go to the gym and come up with genius ideas to write about, so tonight, this post is stuffed with all the “randomness fit for print!”
Random #1: Am I losing my mind?

I think my brain is starting to short out because lately I’ve been crazy forgetful about things. Today I totally forgot about a meeting and showed up like 10 minutes late with people asking me what happened. I never forget stuff like that, what is wrong with me? I had the Outlook reminders going and everything.
Recently I’ve almost nearly burned down my apartment twice by forgetting that the stove is on. I finally remember that my place is running the risk of burning to the ground when the smoke alarm is near going off and my food is no longer edible. Right now I consider myself lucky if I leave the house with my purse, keys, Chicago Card and a full set of clothes on. I actually now keep a small deodorant and toothbrush at my desk because I fear I’ll forget it so I’ll be covered. 
Maybe it’s time for herbs or something to combat this. Or maybe I’m getting dementia a bit early in life. Or maybe my crazy lists are my actual method to avoid madness.

Random #2: The “Pretty Lady” Bus 

Note: this random scene actually happened on a Monday but is being shared with you all on a Wednesday 
Scene: Morning, me waiting for the bus, trying to shake off the already early case of the “Mondays.” A short, express bus arrives, half-full, I begin to try and step on the bus when I’m stopped by the driver. Note: comments will be put in italics)
Bus driver: I’m only picking up ladies today, pretty ladies (no one steps on the bus, unsure if he’s serious or how to respond)
Me: Are you kidding? 
Bus driver: Nope, pretty ladies only (nods happily and smiles)
Me: How do you define pretty? That’s kind of subjective 
Bus driver: (scans the women waiting) Pretty ladies only
Me: You can’t do that, this is a public service, my taxes pay for this, I need to go to work
Bus driver: (still scanning the women waiting and begins pointing) You, you, you and you (pointing at me) can board
Me: Woo hoo! This is a great policy!
(Later at another stop and more pretty ladies boarding the bus, a guy jumps on the bus)
Bus driver: I said pretty ladies only! (The man looks rather shocked and refuses to deboard. A stare-off continues)
Me: He’s not kidding (the stare-off continues and the guy scans his card, making it clear he’s not leaving)
Bus driver: I’m just kidding, it’s all good buddy (he’s not kidding, we continue to work in awkward silence)
Random #3 Picture time!
In my recent post about why I would not make a good mother, I reference my Yoda Amanda’s daughter Ada. Well at Yoda’s recent birthday party, I was able to hold this little slobbery angel before she got too fussy and Amanda captured it with her camera. The adorable, precious result is below. 
Should I be worried that her e-mail to our friends with this image was titled, “Jess does have a heart….awe?”

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16 June 2008

Peer Pressure – do it, do it, do it, do it

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: family, Fashion, Friends, shopping
I am a sucker for peer pressure. I have trouble saying no to my friends and family, especially when they give me the “pretty please” look or tell me how important this party/movie/event/dinner/kegger is to them. I pretty much yield.
In college, I got in trouble for minorly defacing property because my friend asked me to go to a frat’s keg party. I originally declined because I had plans with my eventual boyfriend, but all she had to say was, “Jess we’ll go for 10 minutes, 10 minutes and we’ll leave after that.” Yeah right. Four hours later we were both drunk on Boones Farm and busted by the rival keg house for defacing school property were permanent markers. Oops.
Fortunately, the college peer pressure I caved in to did not involve a beer bong or something that would end up on YouTube, but even in my late 20s, peer pressure is still there and I still cave to it, but this time it’s a bit more expensive (but no longer requires getting school officials or the police involved.)
The kind of peer pressure I am referring to is the social shopping peer pressure. The kind where you go out with your parents and friend, not intending to spend money (like me this weekend) and come back with three bags from Pottery Barn and one from Banana Republic. To be fair, everything was 30-50 percent off (minus a bracelet) but still. My friend Ryan calls me the “enabler” because any time he sees something he likes, I tend to say, “you should buy that,” and he usually will, after he nicely curses at me for reinforcing what his head is telling him, which is that he should really buy that DVD/CD/shirt/man-bag/etc.
In the hall of fame though is my stepmom, who is the ultimate in peer pressure selling. When I called her to convince me not to buy a Kate Spade messenger bag (on sale again), her line was, “well Jess you can always return it.” And like a moth to the flame, I bought it and still have that (and use it). Watching her work her magic on others, I know when she’s close to convincing them because she will actually take their purse or other shopping bags to hold so that they can go up and buy what they’ve been contemplating. Genius.
My friends Liz and Sarah are also close seconds to her, although Sarah is a bit more aggressive in her peer pressure selling technique. She’s made me spend much more money than necessary on things by saying the standard girl-influential lines, “they look great on you,” “that [shirt/skirt/etc] makes you look so thin,” and the ultimate line that I’ve used (with success) on my friends, “[insert name] you deserve it.” You’re totally right, I do.
So my message for the kids today is this: peer pressure is okay (in the social shopping sense) as long as you know your limits. If I have buyers remorse or second thoughts, I have zero problem with returning items I’ve bought, or re-arranging my budget for this pay period so that I can have it. Be smart and shop and enjoy your post-shopping trip with a fashion show of all your new stuff. Love it.
Oh and the line, “we’ll go for 10 minutes” doesn’t always work anymore on me for parties. Sometimes I’m literally tracking time on my cell phone while for others, 10 minutes becomes several hours, without permanent markers.
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13 June 2008

What I want to be when I grow up…again

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: work
I’ve been a kick-a** communications professional (at least that’s what I think I am) for the last three years, but I couldn’t help but wonder what I would do if I didn’t enjoy my job?
Realistically, 20-something men and women will change jobs multiple times in their lives and even change careers at least two or three times. So if I need to start thinking about a second career, what should I be considering?

A woman I used to work with teased me that I would would do a great job in one of the following professions (should I choose to make a career change):
  • Guidance counselor

  • Game show host (maybe the phrase “no whammies, no whammies” is in my future)

  • Stand-up comedienne

I admit, I did have to laugh at the guidance counselor recommendation. When I asked why she chose that profession for me, she thought for a second and said, “you’d keep it real with the kids, tell them when their dreams are too big or aren’t realistic.” She might have a point there. But as a child whose parents have worked in education, I don’t think the school system is for me, although I would love to have the summer off. I’ve seen how tough it is for teachers and I don’t think I have that level of patience in me.

So then I thought about stand-up comedy. I think I’m pretty funny and entertaining but I don’t think that’s the right more for me either. I have this horrible prophecy about turning out like Kathy Griffin, given that I love pop culture and swear like a trucker. Don’t get me wrong, I love her, but I don’t want to become her. And since my original choices of being a doctor, Solid Gold dancer and international supermodel didn’t pan out, I need to be a bit more realistic with my choices.

Before I moved to Chicago, I had just about given up on my current profession after a bad string of jobs in Wisconsin. My current company was my last chance at making it in the communications field. If it didn’t work out there, I was moving back to Wisconsin and flipping to a coin to decide if I should go to law school or nursing school (I think the latter would have won). Fortunately, I came to Chicago for a three month internship and am still here over three years later and things are actually going pretty well so I’ll stick it out, but it never hurts to have options :)

Any comments from my blosse about career options that I can add to the list? Someone mentioned “personal shopper” to me, which is nearly perfect because I love to shop and spend other people’s money. So that’s another one to add to my list of possible careers.

Note: I just wanted to clarify that I’m not thinking of leaving my job, I like my job but always like to hear interesting ideas of what else I could do if my current career doesn’t work out long term :)

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11 June 2008

Am I mother-material?

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: family

Most of my non-blog friends know that I am not exactly child-friendly even though I recently admitted that I did want to have kids, contrary to popular belief. In my 100 things about me meme (where I admitted I wanted kids), I also mentioned that I hate inattentive parenting. But overall, I’m just not sure I’m mother-material.

I’ve been known to take candy from children, be unsympathetic when they cry and hiss at them when they’re being obnoxious. I even have an old issue of the Redeye at my desk with the cover title, “No Way Baby!” And once while babysitting, a kid told me she didn’t want to do chores because “she doesn’t like to work,” so I dragged her and her sister outside in the cool weather anyhow (with jackets on) to pick up sticks at 10 cents an hour. They earned their 40 cents that day, and I made sure to stick around to supervise and point out areas they were slacking in collecting them. 
This sounds mean, I know, but I bring this up because I found out my college roommate from Minnesota is pregnant and it was quite a shock to my system. Outside of my knitting Yoda Amanda, this is my second friend having a kid and it’s a lot to take in, so couple this with my brother getting married, and I’m reaching for the paper bag. At 28, I don’t so much hear the biological clock ticking, but I almost want to tap it to see if there’s even one in there, or if the batteries died awhile ago.
Should I choose to have kids (which will first require a mate), it’ll be a bit more difficult for me anyhow because of an ovarian cyst I had in college. I don’t like to talk about it very much because it went from “well it doesn’t look cancerous” to “we need to take you into surgery now.” So I’m sure that experience just seeded in my head that I wouldn’t want to have kids anyhow because I’m one fallopian-tube deficient.
So why don’t I think I’m mother-material? That list is pretty simple: 
  • I’m selfish (I really am, I like doing what I want, when I want)
  • I can barely take care of myself (what I constitute as dinner would horrify some)
  • I’m not the most patient and tolerant person (I have a short temper about things)
  • I don’t know how to relate to kids (why can’t they watch the Colbert Report with me and understand the jokes??)
All good reasons why I would not make a good mom. But this weekend while at Yoda Amanda’s birthday party, I saw her nearly 6-month-old daughter Ada and all it took was this look…..
And I couldn’t wait to hold her and hug her and kiss her soft cheeks until she cried for me to stop. So maybe I’m not mother-material now, at a selfish 28, but I know I can’t resist a look like the one above anytime. Maybe next year I’ll be a bit more mature.
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10 June 2008

Dating "deal breakers"

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: Friends, Relationships
My friend Sarah once told me that I have “too high of standards” with guys. Personally, I disagree.
My core standards with guys are actually pretty common (I think):
  • Has a job that isn’t illegal

  • Has job aspirations or goals

  • Is financially-stable

Are these really too high of standards? I don’t think so!

But then as friends and I started talking about dating, the subject of “dating deal breakers” came up.

Dating deal breakers are basically traits or quirks of a potential mate that bother you enough that they would cause you to break off the relationship, if necessary. Much like my list above, I thought about the things that really are important to me for any guy I would date and consider marrying.

Sadly, there were several things on that list…but again some of them are traits that I would hope none of my friends would want in a spouse or boyfriend. Some of these deal breakers might be catty but here they are.

Jess’ deal breakers:

  • Smoking – I hate it. I’m sorry but the guy would have to quit if he really wants to date me and I would have to clean down his entire house so the smell is gone. Hate it.

  • Multiple tattoos – I don’t mind one or two tattoos but if we’re talking about “sleeves” or something scratched on his neck or across his stomach (a la “Thug Life”), no thank you.

  • Shorter than me – I am a petite woman, 5′ 3″ to be exact, so after much thought, I really don’t think I can date someone my height or shorter. I love tall guys and honestly, if the guy is my height, he’s probably underage, so I can’t have him anyhow :)

  • Lack of physical health – This is not meant to be catty but I work out, I’m active and I try to watch what I eat. I don’t want a guy who will make me feel bad about myself for not eating organic foods, etc. but I want a guy who also takes care of himself physically. I want tickets to the gun show!

  • No sense of humor – I love to laugh and I’m told I have a good sense of humor myself so someone who can make me laugh (which doesn’t take much) and who enjoys laughing is important too.

  • Doesn’t verbally abuse me – I can’t imagine someone who likes being told awful things about themself, like being fat, ugly, etc. so I don’t want that either!
So that’s my list and to be fair, it’s included these quirks for a long time so it’s not like I’ve been adding things on over the years, this is a standard list for me.
Maybe this is why I’m single ;) But the core standards still apply. Last thing I need is to be featured on COPS for my boyfriend selling drugs out of my apartment. That “night vision” light is also unflattering on my skin. Never a good thing.
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