28 July 2008

I’m a petite little ball of rage

By: Jessica B.
I always wanted to be a superhero but unfortunately my alter ego isn’t as cool as Batman or Supergirl. My alter ego’s name is Rage Girl. It’s like the female Hulk, but minus the green skin, bulging muscles and no top thing.
My alter ego used to come out only when I was horribly anal retentive and OCD in high school and college, but since I graduated and moved out on my own, she only comes out on certain occasions now, like during customer service incidents or working with vendors.
It may be hard to believe but I’m overall not an “angry” person. Funny and sarcastic, yes and yes, but angry, no. I just have a tendency to overreact sometimes and “make a mountain out of a mole hill.” I get hormonal – deal with it.
Since my BlogHer-Girls Gone Touristy adventures last week, I’ve been a bit more tired than usual as I ease back into my routine. This has lead Rage Girl to come out more than normal in a given period of time.

Recent Rage Girl appearances —

Ask before taking

Last week on the plane back from San Francisco, I zonked out pretty much right away once we were in the air. Four days of little sleep and a two-hour time difference will do that to me. The woman next to me was flying from San Fran to Chicago to New York to Oslo, Norway (good lord what an awful flight) and was already obnoxious on the plane before we took off.

After a nice little nap, I suddenly woke up, in a panic (over nothing at the time) during the flight and noticed that the new Vanity Fair magazine I tucked away in my seat pouch was gone. Panicked, I started looking for it, unsure how it vanished, when the obnoxious woman turned to me and said…

“Oh was that magazine yours?”

“Yes, where is it?”

“I thought it was there for everyone so I took it” (she takes the magazine out of her backpack)

“Well yes it’s mine, how about before you steal things you f*cking ask the person first?” (Rage Girl is now talking)

“I’m sorry, you were asleep”

“Yeah well do you see me dig through your stuff and assume it’s for everyone? No I didn’t think so” (I take the other magazine out of my pouch while saying this and stuff it in my bag again)

Summary: She probably thinks Americans are totally crazy.

Eyebrows gone bad

My love of Nordstroms is not hidden in my little blog. If I could make out with Nordstroms, I would. It’s a beacon of joy and happiness in my life, where racks of purses and shoes make me smile and take all my cares away.

A few months ago I went to the Nordstroms Spa at a friend’s suggestion for eyebrow waxing. I can’t maintain my own eyebrows (I’m plucking deficient) so I met a woman named Amy at the Spa and now she’s my “girl.” Unfortunately, Nordstroms has an issue with my last name because they can never find me in the system as a client. Why? I have no idea. 

On Thursday, I called to make my post-San Fran appointment and spa attendant told me I was not in their computer system, which can’t be true because I’ve gone there multiple times. 

When I challenged her on this, giving her multiple ways to search for me, last name, phone number, etc. she became defensive and told me that I was “wrong,” which immediately brought out Rage Girl and I demanded to speak to a manager. When the attendant said no, she and I continued to argue and Rage Girl got very upset and started yelling (so embarrassing.)

The woman continued to tell me I’m wrong, which lead to me swearing and hanging up the phone in a huff. 

Summary: Now my happy place thinks I’m a raging, psychopathic b*tch.

Fortunately, I did speak with a manager, who was very apologetic about the situation and was able to resolve the situation. And now I get a free eyebrow wax and they threw in a coupon for a free meal at the Nordstroms Cafe and Coffee Bar for me too. I said thank you and apologized for Rage Girl’s actions. I usually end up having to clean up her messes. This was almost as bad as the whole “belt incident” at Nordstroms too that Liz had to step in to regulate on.

So that’s me, at time a petite little ball of rage. Maybe I’ll develop another super human power, like flying or X-ray vision. Fingers crossed.
Anyone else have superhero powers or an alter ego?
Reader note: Thank you to everyone who commented yesterday on the Newsweek article about accepting money from your parents. I really enjoyed all of your comments and totally agree with you all. And welcome to all the new visitors that commented as well!


  1. kay* says:

    oh my gosh this is absolutely hilarious! i can’t stop laughing…

  2. ~Angela~ says:

    Go Rage Girl!

  3. orangecrushclub says:

    Those that drink at same well like taste of water.

  4. ...love Maegan says:

    Have you ever seen “Mystery Men”? I have been labeled {by my husband} Ben Stiller’s character, Mr. Furious and from a cartoon in the 90’s {by my family} Katie Kaboom. So, yeah, I totally get it! however, I’m not small or petit and sometimes very intimidating I’ve been told. oops :) As far as a real superpower, I’ll take healing.

    Great story!

  5. Mandy says:

    I have an alter-ego too. She is not pretty and comes out way too much, and she likes the F-bomb.

    The lady who just took your magazine is rude. I hate it when salons mess up names.

  6. Paula says:

    Can’t believe that BITCH stole your magazine! I’d have lamped her one. Actually, I probably would have let her just take it, but in my head I’d have lamped her . . . :)

  7. surviving myself says:

    I think Rage Girl sounds kinda fun actually.

  8. Ben says:

    WHOA. Someone taking a magazine wedged next to you while you’re sleeping? SO crossing boundaries in a big way.

    I’m more of a quiet but condescending version of Rage Girl. More like Bitch Boy which really isn’t nearly as impressive.

  9. Yoda says:

    This Rage Girl person. What does she wear? Every superhero’s gotta have a costume!

    Craziness, I was in Chicago last weekend, and it rocked!

  10. carrie lea says:

    I also have a Rage Girl alter ego. My boyfriend calls her Carrie Kaboom! Like Katie Kaboom from The Animaniacs cartoon. She acts up when she doesn’t get her way. Which is a lot!

  11. Caz says:

    I too have what I call an Inner B*tch that rears her ugly head when things annoy me. AB gets annoyed when she appears and he’s around. He says I’m not relaxed enough but I disagree. I don’t go off at people for no reason. Inner Bi*ch appears when something ticks me off, like bad service or snooty salespeople etc.

  12. Dan Mega says:

    Odd that you say this. I have never experienced “Girl Rage” from within.

    But remind me to bring out this inner rage next time I’m around. I could use a cheap laugh!

  13. Angela says:

    You’re not Rage Girl. Everyone ahs their limits, and I probably would have reacted the same exact way in both situations. Especially with that Nordstoms person telling you that you were wrong. What a bitch!

  14. RebeccaC says:

    Okay…this isn’t helpful but perhaps Nordstom’s blacklisted you after the Customer Appreciation “Food Poisoning” incident? I suggest an alias for future visits.

    RE: Crazy plane lady — WTF?! Its pretty much impossible to confuse Vanity Fair with “High Flying” or whatever those stupid airline magaizines are called.

  15. Rachel Eden says:

    I have a rage girl, but I like to think of it as an angry fire that takes over. It usually comes out and is directed towards my roommate, but my boyfriend is the only one that gets to see it. (And I feel really bad for that).

  16. Katelin says:

    oh yes the rage girl in me comes out too. i would go crazy with a woman like that next to me on the plane.

  17. Blaez says:

    i have a rage girl as well. i think we all do. i’m very good at controlling her most of the time… but there is that 10% where i gladly step back and say “have at em”.

    it’s most devastating when she shows up for no reason at the boyfriend… he didn’t deserve her getting onto him…it was a bad day.

  18. jamie says:

    Ahhh I am so a rage girl! And, like you, it has subsided since college, but on the rare occasion that the wrong person is standing in my way, well, you best watch out! I am SO glad I am not the only one who fights the urge to be a heinous bitch from time to time! :)

  19. Ann says:

    Thanks for checking out my blog. It was great to meet you at BlogHer.
    I still need to check out ALL the blogs I have learned about.

  20. Erin says:

    Your Rage Girl and my Rage Girl should totally go out for a night on the town! :)

    My Rage Girl generally appears in lousy customer service situations. Like when we went to Dave & Busters for my brothers birthday and they wouldn't seat us until our entire party had arrived. Yeah, they got a piece of my mind and then some.

  21. Joy @ Big Time Fancy says:

    Haha, I’m picturing sweet little you flying off the handle and having a full-out conniption. In my brain, it’s really funny.

  22. SF says:

    my inner rage girls come out when I’m driving…and when she’s out, watch out!

  23. megkathleen says:

    I have the same alter ego, but I embrace it. Look what rage girl got you at Nordstroms! Free Stuff! It pays off to be a bitch sometimes especially to people who deserve it like the girl on the plane.

  24. secretlysupergirl says:

    It might appear my alter ego is, in fact, Supergirl. But in reality, that’s just an aspiration. I’m much more like “Passive-Aggressive Girl” or “Sarcasm Girl” or “Cranky Girl”.

    And P.S. — Rage Girl was definitely warranted on that flight. Who steals a magazine that is anything besides the in flight magazine?!?!

  25. laurwilk says:

    Oooooh, Nordstroms! Love, love, love.

    Nice work with the freebies, you meanie! :)

  26. distractedspunk says:

    My alter ego is actually delayed reaction girl. I don’t think that necessitates much explanation.

    Anyhow. I worked at Nordstrom. Guarantee you that sales employee was put on probation; the customer is always right. And the cafe is fantastic! I love their bisque and their caesar salad, among other things. I used to eat there whenever I had work. Hour long break? Yes please!

  27. EP says:

    My alter-ego is similar to Rage Girl, but it’s more like ‘You better listen to me girl.’

    *shrugs* A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do… And you got free stuff from Rage Girl, so it’s not all bad even if you have to clean up the mess…

  28. Jamie Lovely says:

    Dude, yes. I definitely have my moments too, only when provoked though!

  29. LJ says:

    yep I have rage girl too, she has even had the police called on her once! I try to keep my heart rate down like the hulk; helps keep her contained.

  30. Deutlich says:

    man… I would’ve had a shitfit if someone just nabbed my stuff like that


  31. thatShortChick says:

    mine is Hygiene Hannah…i police and then subsequently freak out over the lack of good hygiene that the masses seem to possess.

    she comes out especially when i’m at a mall or a restaurant.

  32. Kali says:

    I wish I had a Rage Girl. I have no secret powers unless you count Walkover Girl, who is not so much an alter ego as just… um… me?

    You get FREE STUFF with your powers! Teach me your ways!!

  33. Princess Pointful says:

    I think we all have our version of Rage Girl hiding somewhere inside. I actually once wrote about creating an alter-ego called the Anti-Vexation Vixen to take on small acts of rudeness… like stupid women who sit on the outside of the bus seat when the bus is packed. I have fantasies about being muddy and climbing over them since they were jerks and wouldn’t move.

  34. Vanessa says:

    I’ve said before, my superhuman powers are not fun and mostly involve grabbing a small animal who is about to spew, moving them to a sink or toilet at the speed of lightening, and plunging said drain afterwords all in the name of refusing to scrub carpet. Yes, enthralling, I know!

  35. thegoodnamesaretaken says:

    I would say mine is called Neurotic Girl and she drives me crazy and anyone who crosses my path. Everyone has a little Rage Girl in them :)

    (I haven’t read the previous post yet but I’ll get there eventually)

  36. Linda Sherman says:

    Jessica, I think we all have Rage Girl moments. But I think it is useful to realize that feelings/emotions are chemical reactions and not even necessarily related to what is going on at the moment. I highly recommend “What the Bleep Do We Know”. I’m not saying get rid of Rage Girl, just to have more power over how long she hangs around.

  37. Maxie says:

    Nordstrom WAS my happy place until today.. I called to ask them why I hadn’t received my credit card and they apparently send it to my physical address and somehow my credit score has dropped below their requirement so I am NOT getting one now even though I have a paper right here that says I am approved!

    But it’s okay. Not like I need another CC. Their cafe is fabulous so enjoy. I strongly recommend the carrot cake.

  38. Rachel says:

    But you got free stuff when you let her out!!!! Don’t stifle her when it comes to customer service! Rent her out!

    I can’t tell you my superpowers…you know, have to protect my loved ones…great responsibility….

    okay you got me, I was thinking about blogging about them later

  39. Ashley D says:

    I have a similar alter-ego, but she only seems to come with my boyfriend. He doesn’t like her very much, but somehow manages to put up with her and still love me.

    Anyway, I guess Rage Girl is sometimes useful. After all, you did get a free eyebrow wax and a free meal! yay!