29 July 2009

When boy meets blog

By: Jessica B.

So JohnBoy and I have been on a total of five dates now and I think it’s time we have “the talk.” No, not the sex talk (why talk when you can act, meow!), I mean….the blog talk.

Oh that’s right, I think it’s time to use the “b” word with JohnBoy, and that word is blog.

I imagine this is how the conversation will go, “you know JohnBoy, when a girl meets a blog, and they really like each other……magic happens and a baby blog appears.”

I’m not ashamed to be a blogger but sometimes I fear some people reading it (cough, family, cough) because I talk about a lot of things here that are personal and, well, I’m a little more honest here than I am in my personal life.
So far, JohnBoy and I have talked about what we do for a living, even if I was a little more vague than him. I mentioned that I work in digital communications (not a lie), I said I work with online stuff like Twitter and Facebook, but I didn’t mention that I’m also on Twitter, Facebook and that I have a blog.
To be fair, he didn’t ask me so I didn’t really lie or withhold anything (sort of) but I fear that if I tell him about it, he’ll try to find it, read these entires about him and he won’t want to see me anymore.¬†And I want to keep seeing him right now.
I don’t think this will cause him to turn and run away, but blogging + relationships + blogging about relationships = trouble.
Well sometimes.
So the plan is to see where we’re at in two weeks when he’s back from vacation and I am too and then tell him at that point. It has to come out sooner or later right?
What does everyone else think? Should I tell JohnBoy sooner than later? Or what has your experience been with telling a boyfriend or significant other about your blog? I’m curious to hear!

46 Comments

  1. Um… I … wouldn’t.
    Sorry, I havent read through all the comments.. but… 5 dates is VERY soon… and .. no, I wouldn’t.

  2. ceecee says:

    I started blogging during my high school days.

    Then I was on and off with my blog.

    I finally came back last year, and my plan was to never tell my then boyfriend, now fianc√© that I had a blog…that I used to have my own domain…that I experimented with Adobe Photoshop…you get the idea. But our relationship made it past two years, and we both were very serious about, so I finally confessed to him. I didn’t want to keep any secrets.

    He was amazed and happy.

    He respects that part of my life. He doesn’t read it; he told me he never would. And that’s the only person who knows I have a blog.

  3. Maki says:

    Aww I know many people don’t like to be talked about them in the blog…

    Very difficult situation this is; But if you’re going to talk about it, it’s better to do it sooner than later. Always you need to be honest – otherwise, he’d be like, “WTF, why did you not tell me this when we’re first started seeing each other?”

    Good luck, Jess!!

  4. blaez says:

    no one i dated in HS knew i had one…

    my ex didn’t know until he looked in the history of our home computer…

    the people between the ex and i didn’t know but some of them that i met on yahoo personals did find out by googling my username on yahoo…

    my current man knew about it and i didn’t know he knew (he knew about it because i have the link on my gamer profile) until he said “will you be my girlfriend? because i’d hate for you to not know we are…” i had posted i wasn’t sure if we were “dating” or not…

    it also made alot of stuff that would make me uncomfortable easier by him reading about the past and he just ask for clarification when we were together…

  5. A Super Girl says:

    A casual mention is good, if you don’t make a big deal out of it, he’s less likely to think it’s a big deal. Especially up front. You can get into more detail about how awesomely cool and known you are as a blogger after awhile :-) Start small!

    I started my blog after dating my boyfriend about a year. I think I mentioned it when I first started, but it kind of came out in pieces. Like…oh I started reading all these great blogs…oh btw I have my own…

    It helps that I’m mostly anonymous and don’t use real names. I’ve told him that and also told him I prefer he doesn’t read it (I never gave him the site).

    Even with all those precautions, I still wonder if he’ll ever find it and what he’ll think and that dictates a lot of what I write (and why I don’t write more often!)

    It’s a difficult thing to wade, these blog waters. Good luck!

  6. AshleyD says:

    I’m dreading the day I have to have this conversation with my future guy. I think it needs to happen at some point though. Our blogs are such a big part of our lives, it would weird if we kept that hidden after dating someone for a while. Good luck!

  7. My personal rule is that I don’t blog about the men I date. I will blog about most topics in my life, but I think that is one area of my life that deserves a little privacy.

    As for telling a guy I’m dating that I blog . . . if he’s done any sort of due diligence on me (i.e., typing my name into Google), then he knows it without me telling him. He also knows I’m on Facebook and Twitter and own my own business. In this day and age, I assume men I date have done this. Certainly I’ve Googled them.

  8. Kimberly says:

    I told my bf about my blog and it made it really hard from then on to be totally honest about what I was feeling and going through because I was always afraid of what he would think if he read it. There were times when he took things the wrong way. So then I tried having a blog without him knowing about it and that was even harder and just felt wrong. I now have a blog that includes both of us and one that is just for me but doesn’t have anything personal in it. I reserve the personal stuff for my journal.

  9. Robyn says:

    I told my boyfriend the day I started with the blog. He and my friends were the first one to check it out. It wasn’t that big a deal, and he checks in every now and again. But I guess your situation is kind of different, as I don’t often talk about my relationship with Jack (at least not too many deets), and this John guy is someone you’ve newly met… But I would say you should tell him sooner rather than later. The blog is yours after all, and it’s where you write your own words in your own thoughts – I’m sure he’ll be able to understand that :)

  10. E.P. says:

    Whatever time feels right to you is the right time.

    When I first started my blog, I immediately told my boyfriend and my roommate. I hardly told anyone else. Since that time, I’ve let in a few more friends about the blog, but generally speaking, I keep it on the DL. Because, while I think it’d be OK for some people in my life to read my blog, it freaks me out.

    Soooo… go with your gut. It’ll be right.

  11. lbluca77 says:

    If it was me I would wait a bit longer to tell him. But then again none of my RL friends know I have a blog.

    I think it would be cute if you told him and it turned out he had one too.

  12. Lollygagger says:

    I’d say tell him and then you can be comfortable about what you do or don’t blog about. I think it’s always good to be on the same page :)

  13. Allison says:

    Is he at all an online freak like all of us? If he’s not familiar with Twitter or blogging, then he’s living under a rock anyway but I wouldn’t hesitate to tell him. Or just let it come up naturally when you are eating dinner one night.

    Celebrate in your blogginess.

  14. (I haven’t read the prior comments, so pardon if I am repeating)

    NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    1. It is WAY too early
    2. Opening up your every day life to BlogLife will remove this as an option to vent.
    3. I’ve told 2 ex’s about my blog, and while I don’t think either read it….I still have really curbed any talk about them on there because I’ve lost that outlet, but I still see them on a regular basis. BlogFAIL.

  15. Cheryl says:

    Back in the day when I blogged, I told my boyfriend a few weeks into the relationship, because we were getting to know each other and I thought he should know about it. A week or so later I gave him the URL but told him not to read it in front of me (I always feel weird when people read my writing in front of me). I knew he was reading it and I was ok with that. I figured it was a way for him to really get to know me. So I guess the key is, you tell the person when you’re ready for him/her to know you better.

  16. Lauren says:

    I am surprised that few people have discussed what happens AFTER you tell him. Do you want to censor yourself on your blog from here on out? If he knows, I think you will certainly have to be more aware when you post. Even posts that have nothing to do with your relationship may include content you don’t want a newer man to read.

    Personally, I wouldn’t tell him. But blogging is hardly part of my ‘real life’ nowadays and I would never feel that I was leaving something huge out of my life by not sharing that information.

    If he finds you, he finds you. I would think that finding this blog and seeing a skill set he maybe didn’t know you had would be impressive rather than negative at all. What you have written is honest and something we all experience.I don’t think you should hide things but I don’t necessarily think you need to really tell him either. Hope all is well!!’

  17. katelin says:

    i guess i’m lucky in that everyone i know already knows about my blog. but i say you wait it out a bit and then let him know. it’s not like you’re saying anything bad about him and you’re just being honest so you shouldn’t really have to worry about it.

  18. mandy says:

    Thats a tough one. I say tell him when and if you feel ready. Some of my closest friends and family know I blog, but I’ve never shared the address. They could have googled me or maybe not. If people don’t blog they don’t get it.

    Have you tried googling him? Maybe he has a blog and is having the same sort of discussion over there. =)

  19. Miss Grace says:

    I usually bring it up right away, but also don’t talk about current dating scene on my blog for just that reason.

  20. Stevie says:

    I have a feeling he might not even care. Like one of the previous comments on here, people who don’t blog or read blogs don’t really get it or care. And while you’re honest on here, you’re not cruel or mean or anything like that so I honestly don’t think it’s really going to matter. But keep us all posted! :-)

  21. phampants says:

    For me, I rather put myself straight out there. No secrets. Then again, I don’t go too much into my personal life. That’s the difference.

    Tough call.

  22. MinD says:

    I have actually never been in those shoes, but I wish you luck. I don’t know if it’s better to tell him or not, to be honest. But I’m curious to see how it ends up, just in case I ever find myself in those shoes.

  23. Maxie says:

    It’s tricky. I would tell him you do personal social networking, but I wouldn’t reveal more. I feel like people who don’t blog don’t get blogging.

  24. Kyla Roma says:

    I would definitely tell him about it, your blog is easy to find and what you’re writing is honest. You can tell him that you wrote about your dates a little, just saying that you had a lot of fun and were nervous about them. He might read through them, he might not- and he might ask you to stop writing about him. But I think being up front is better. It’s a corner of your life, and he’ll either get it or ignore it.

    And you can always make the entries about your dates private for a little while until you think he’s stopped checking ;)

  25. Nora says:

    I told Irish after about two months that I had one. I didn’t give him the link until well after the “I love you,” stage. He was a champ in that he totally respected my privacy, never tried to find it or find out about it from my parents.

    I say, tell him when you are ready. I would also say it’s okay to tell him that you’ll share the link with him if/when you are ready. And if you don’t want to? He should respect this as a part of your life that he doesn’t have to know/get/read all the time.

    Good luck, either way! I know it’s a tough situation =)

  26. Tell him, tell him soon. I’ve had this go down two different ways and it appears to have worked out (exact post is linked above) but it could easily not have. I’d take a good look at what you’ve already said so you can prepare him properly. I personally took down a couple posts that I thought offered too many of my cards on the table. I’ve since put them back up but I really liked him and wanted it to progress accordingly.

    And I echo Rebecca- this has become a HUGE part of who you are and I know at least for me having a blog helped me to iterate the parts of myself I wanted other people to see. Jason loves it. He loooves it. He checks it daily and I like that he’s interested in what I’m putting out there. He’s even talked about starting a blog of his own! So it could go really really well but you want to be up front about having protected his identity while still talking excitedly about what’s been going on.

  27. April says:

    If you feel the time is right after vacations, I would do it then. You don’t have to push it. I would probably rather do it when you have time to see him afterwards and gauge his reaction instead of telling him before you both go on vacay and he has time to think into it and jump to conclusions/weird himself out.

    How was Frontera? Michelle and I made resos for September (oy, August is already all booked up. ridiculous) after meeting Rick.

  28. Rebecca_C says:

    Wow, I’m surprized by some of the opinions here. You know where I stand on this…as Nilsa said, you’re pretty easy to find and, to Maris’s point, you met on Match so he defintely knows how to use a computer. My feeling is, anything you put on the internet can’t possibly considered “private”. Tell him now or he’s eventually going to find it. Plus, your blog and your blogging friends are SO much a part of who you are, if you dont tell him you’re omitting a huge part of yourself from the conversation. So if you wait forever to mention it, by default it will seem like you’re dropping a bomb, even though you’re not.

    You’re blog is awesome (not to mention POPULAR), a major part of who you are and a great representation of yourself. You have nothing to hide and doing so will only create trust issues between the two of you in the long run (if she can hide THIS, what else is she hiding?!). Honesty is the best policy!

    Okay, I am hopping off my soap box.

    P.S. JohnBOY…if you’re reading this…Jess is awesome!

  29. Maggie says:

    I’d definitely tell him. Like other
    people said, how do you explain certain things like BlogHer and your Gap party?

    I didn’t tell chris about mine for a while, but I felt guilty. Like I was ashamed of it. So I fessed up and no harm done. I don’t know how often he reads it and I could care less.

    Plus I think JohnBoy should be flattered, you wouldn’t write
    about him if he wasn’t someone worth writing about :-)

  30. Jenn says:

    Once you tell him he’s going to want to read it, even if he doesn’t tell you that. He may get a little Google friendly. Are you okay with him reading this?

    If you’re ready to have him reading about your life, I say go for it. But if you still want to have some privacy, then I wouldn’t. Telling him and then asking him not to read it is like giving a kid a piece of cake and telling them not to eat it.

    Would you still be able to write about your dates?

  31. i try to keep my blog quiet from my friends. i haven’t told my new bf about it, but he does know i twitter as he saw it up on my computer and jokes about that (but he does read it).

    maybe wait a little longer and see his feelings on the whole subject before you bring it up?

    thanks for the comment, it is nice to be back!

  32. I think tell him if/when things get serious between you guys. If it doesn’t work out you don’t want him blog stalking you.

    Also, when you tell him, don’t act like it’s a big deal or a bad thing or he will think it’s a big deal or a bad thing.

  33. As far as I am personally aware, only one of my exes knows about my blog.

    But the way I see it, is that it’s an outlet for ME. And sometimes I want to say things that a BF might not want to read, or might not be ready to read. And sometimes a BF might have a very specific, negative view of “bloggers” – so I just wouldn’t mention it in that case.

    Were it me, I’d ask some pointed, subtle questions about his thoughts about blogging, maybe mention you read some blogs and blahblahblah, see what he thinks about the topic in general before you throw it out there.

  34. Doniree says:

    Oh, this is a tricky thing and part of the reason I have (had? hrmm…) two blogs. One’s a decoy and “safe” and I don’t discuss dating. I’ve started wondering a) how much to blog about dating and b) if the people we date should know. On the one hand, it’s obviously a big part of our lives. On the other, some people aren’t as comfortable throwing everything out there like we are. Ok, this didn’t answer your question, but to your credit – I TOTALLY know how you feel. This is why I intend to meet and marry a blogger. Done.

  35. Rebekah says:

    Just mention it as a casual thing, but definitely mention it. Soon is probably better – later makes it look like you’re hiding something.

    What did you tell him about BlogHer and how you met these whackjob people all over the country?

    Eddie knows I have a blog but he doesn’t read it. I don’t think he wants to. He knows I’ve made a lot of friends by barfing my feelings into the blogosphere, and for that he’s pretty happy.

  36. Lil' Woman says:

    I think you should just tell him, if he’s really into you than it shouldnt matter to him, or maybe if you guys discuss it and he doesn’t want to be talked about then respect his wishes and move further with him

  37. Elizabeth says:

    I think you have more to gain by telling him. Could he have a blog that you don’t know about?

    Also, I’ve been away from the internet for a while, but I love your new design! Congrats on the smooth move!

  38. maris says:

    I agree with the commenter who said he could have already found it. No one is anonymous online, even when they think they are. He could be reading right now thinking OMG SHE CALLS ME JOHNBOY? ;o)

    No, I think that this blog is a great representation of who you are and I think that as he gets to know you, he’ll like your blog as part of who you are.

    And since you met on Match, he’s no stranger to the internet!

  39. Arielle says:

    I say mention it but don’t make a big deal out of it. Because if you phrase it in a way that makes it seem like you’re revealing some huge secret about yourself, it’s going to seem like you have something to hide. But if you bring it up casually, he (probably?) won’t automatically assume he needs to go hunt it down. But..who knows.

  40. cassie says:

    Normally I’d say don’t tell him but SoMi’s Nilsa has a point, you’re kinda easy to find…I certainly think it’s better coming from you than him finding it on his own.

  41. Erin says:

    When I started my first “blog” (a livejournal account) I did it because my now-husband was doing it. It took us awhile to work out the kinks as to what we should and shouldn’t write if the other person could read it. One of the reasons I like livejournal so much is that it allowed me to filter him out of certain entries if I wanted feedback but not from him. Knowing the bumps we encountered along the way, I’m kind of cautious and paranoid. If you tell him about it, he’ll probably look for it. So, if I were in your shoes I’d honestly go back and somehow lock or delete your previous entries about him before telling him.

  42. SoMi's Nilsa says:

    BTW, I just Google’d your full name + Chicago and your blog is the firs thing that pops up. He might already know about it…

  43. SoMi's Nilsa says:

    I don’t think it’s a bad thing to tell JohnBoy about your blog. But, if I were you, I’d Google the hell out of your name and any combination of names you think he might know. Just to make sure you know what he can easily find on his own … and maybe let that be your guide in how you approach telling him.

  44. Hope says:

    I’m facing the same dilemna at the moment. And so I’m really happy that you addressed this and can’t wait to read all the comments!

  45. Lizsara says:

    Tell him, why not? Don’t offer the address or anything just tell him you have one.

  46. Angela says:

    In my experience with only one boyfriend, I didn’t tell him and he never told me he found my blog or anything. And among the other guys I’ve dated since then, I’ve likewise not told them and I plan to keep it that way. If they find it, so be it.

 

Leave a Comment