Today is my 30th birthday.

HOLY F*CKING HELL!!!!!

Wait, hold on, I’m still here, I didn’t keel over, grow scales or warts and hell hasn’t frozen over. Phew, okay lets continue.

Yes, at 11:23 p.m. tonight, I officially exit my 20s and say HELLO to my 30s.

In the last two weeks, several people asked me how I felt about this change and I struggled to answer because honestly, I don’t know how I feel. I can’t believe it’s time but I don’t feel different. Maybe I feel like some additional “stigmas” will be attached to me now but overall I feel the same way I did yesterday: content.

And it’s taken a long time to get here. Okay here is where I get teary as I write this.

My 20s were great, dramatic but great. Today, I look back at where I was 10 years ago at this time and I’m so different now. Then, I was sitting at a small school in Wisconsin, pining over a guy who didn’t love me and wouldn’t anymore and all I thought about was how I could change his mind. Now I’m in my Chicago apartment, able to live a good life in a great city and feeling like the best is still to come.

In my 20s I learned a lot about myself and life around me (corny but true.) I made three life-altering decisions that have brought me to where I am now, traveled to Europe (and survived), moved to two new states, dealt with some of my raging insecurities, let myself make mistakes and learn from them and learned how deep and painful love can be. I found myself in situations and places I never thought I would be and met some awesome people along the way. And laughed too.

I learned in my 20s that I can only really rely on myself but that I need to let my friends and family help me too. I consumed more alcohol than a person could handle and learned the reality of possible alcohol poisoning due to this lack of control. I dealt with crippling depression and self esteem issues and I still battle them, but I’m stronger now and have a stronger will to work through them. I moved between countless jobs and finally found a place I belong in a surprising city, Chicago. I watched my family be torn apart and be barely put back together. That won’t be fixed likely ever, but I’m grateful for them and that many of them love me just as I am. That’s a rare thing.

I don’t want to be 22 anymore because I feel like I’ve evolved to be a better version of me, someone who is wiser, stronger, happier and ready to take anything thrown at her.

Sure there are always bad days, but I need to keep in mind another big lesson from my 20s: don’t take things so seriously! Relax!

I don’t fear turning 30 and what lies ahead for two reasons: 1) it’s inevitable, hello! and 2) I have no complaints or regrets. I’m happy, healthy, have good friends and family that are also in good health, I have a good job and still wake up every day and find something positive in my life.

And when there are good things like that to look forward to and embrace, turning 30 really isn’t so scary.

Tomorrow, I’ll wake up and still be 30 and the day after that I will be too. But here’s hoping the next decade is a little less dramatic, more fun and still classy :)

Happy Birthday to me!!

Oh and I know I posted this last year, but here is a baby picture of me 30 years ago. Look at that face, I mean, damn I was ADORABLE.

So no big question for the day, just a little reflection from me while I’m out celebrating my exit from the womb :) More details on birthday weekend to come!