So below is the post about my epically awful date on Saturday. Sorry about the wait, I just braindumped it out on Sunday morning and then had to take a break to edit it. And thus, we have the full story below.
Let’s start with the obvious: how did I end up on a bad date?
Well, things with JohnBoy are still a little in flux right now so rather than wait around, another Match guy asked me out and I said, why not? I mean, what do I have to lose?
Apparently, when I agreed to this date, I was also going to get in a time machine and go back to 2002 when I was in college and doing crazy sh*t.
Quick bio: This new guy “College Peter Pan” is my age, has a good job but travels a lot during the week for business. He’s a huge Michigan fan and Big 10 sports fan (me too, minus the Michigan fan part) and was funny and nice by email.
So we decide to meet a wine bar not too far from my house (convenient!) but just as I’m ready to leave to meet him, Peter Pan texts saying he needs to push back the date 30 minutes because he got home late from watching the Michigan game and needs to clean up. Okay. So I leave later and meet him at the new time, where he is 5-10 minutes late. Not super cool either (especially when you live within walking distance.)
But rather than be bitchy, we sit down and look at the menu. And then the drinking started. This guy could put away more Bacardi/diets than anyone I’ve seen since…well college. In the course of 90 minutes, he must have put away 6-7 of them while I was sipping champagne. I didn’t consider the drinking to be a race but apparently he did because he made multiple comments of me “nursing” drinks. Um we’re on a date, not at a frat party.
So after three drinks and no dinner, I’m pretty buzzed and while conversation was good, Peter Pan wants to go check out the college football scores. Unable to decide where we go next, he takes me to a dive bar not far from the wine bar, where I very easily don’t fit in attire-wise. It was fun, but it’s the place where 1990s Metallica blasts in the speakers and “woo girls” are all over the place and dry humping guys also wearing college football jerseys.
There I decide to move to beer because, well this isn’t the kind of place that has champagne or nice wine, and after catching up on his college football scores, Peter Pan goes to play pool. Oh and yeah it’s a DOUBLES game. Me, who has had 5 drinks and no dinner at this point has to play pool? I couldn’t even tell you the capital of Illinois at that moment. But I play two games of pool and do pretty well. And by the time be brings bar-made popcorn, it is the best tasting thing ever.
He kept feeding me drinks too, getting me more beers after I said I was good (why he was doing that will come out in a minute) and then when I said okay he said, “you’re not even paying for them so of course you’ll take advantage.” Nice.
Oh yes, the fight. While we were waiting to play pool, some drunk Ohio State fans come in and he gets fired up because Ohio State lost and he wants to rub it in. Which he does, and takes a heated taunting session into a full blown argument and one girl screaming “you’re an a**hole! I’ll kick your a**.” Even while playing pool he wouldn’t let it go. So after picking a fight with Ohio State fans, he says this winner:
“Have you ever had a [insert drink name I don't remember]?”
“No, what is it?”
“It’s really good, tastes like a milkshake but with liquor”
“What bar is that at?”
“Oh it’s not far from here, about 100 feet”
(scanning my memory of the neighborhood for what bar he’s referring to) “Duffy’s has it?”
“No”
(still thinking) “What bar then, I’m totally drawing a blank”
“Oh, nevermind, it’s not at a bar, can’t blame a guy for trying”
“Oh it’s at your apartment, and you were trying to lure me there by telling me it’s at a bar”
“I tried”
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen”
And once that conversation was over, I took a break in the bathroom where a woman was laying on the floor almost passed out. So after checking on her and notifying the bouncer what was going on, I was ready to go.
But not before I mention my promotion in passing and he says “oh my god that makes me so hard down there.”
That was the moment I knew it was time to go.
So he walked me out to a cab, gave me a hug goodbye and pushed me in and walked back to the bar. No doubt looking to see if a group of girls who were wearing Michigan jerseys was still there, possibly for some dry humping.
And I was TOTALLY fine with that.
I need to screen these guys better. And maybe it’s time to take a mini break from dating.
So….thoughts?
Review blog update: Oh and because my lips weren’t doing any making out this weekend, I posted a review of a new MAC lip gloss I’m loving right now
Oh my goodness! That’s awful! Hilarious, but awful.
I’m glad you left when you did. Things could have gotten uglier if you stayed.
Sorry girl but this was hilarious, I’m glad you didn’t fall for his milkshake drink..lol :)
I’ll always think of HIMYM when I see woo girls..I might also be one a few occasions! :)
Oh man, that is the worst, when a guy comments on or makes fun of how much you’re drinking, especially if it’s a first date. I get that all of the time from my friends and it’s so annoying! I always try to explain to them that I haven’t eaten dinner (if that’s the case) and they just roll their eyes.
At least it was an eventful night out!?
Bwahahaha … this cracked me up. I think I dated him once.
Seriously, this is part of the reason why I have no desire to date!! Granted, I do know if you don’t try you will never find someone but still…dating really sucks!
The fact that you event hung around till the “down there” comment makes me want to give you an award. For what I’m not sure, but it seems worth of some sort of recognition for hard work and pain.
LOL. He’s a charmer this one.
oh. no.
i don’t even know if i have words for this jess.
I never trust a Michigan fan. But then again, I went to Michigan State ;-)
I laughed out loud at the “oh my god that makes me so hard down there” Who says that?!?!?!
You deserve an award for that one!
wow. That’s brutal. But at least it was a match guy.
I once got set-up with a guy (by a friend) who thought sports were a waste of time. Whereas I am all about sports. But I think your story tops it.
Holy TOOL, Batman!
I don’t think I’ll ever get over guys like this. They’re an entirely different breed, in a league of their own. It’s unbelievable.
On the bright side, this made for one hell of a story. Thanks for sharing, and sorry he was such an ass!
Peter Pan needs to grow up. Can’t stay a little boy forever. (Someone else had to say something like that by now.)
He was a MICHIGAN fan. That alone should’ve notified you of his douchebaggery.
So I just joined Match.com like a week ago. Assuming I get any dates, you won’t find me going on any of them as described (or anywhere near Duffy’s).
Hopefully your (generally entertaining) post didn’t freak out everyone in the city.
I guess that answers the “why is he single?” question… What a complete douchebag.
Bright side: Good blog fodder, at least, right?
I’ve made a mental note to avoid Match.com now. Thanks.
LMAO He said your promotion made him HARD? You are like the match.com martyr wading through these idiots and somehow staying above it all, being composed & gratious. They’d better build a monument to you on their corporate campus after this experience is all I’m saying. Next time I see you, I’m buying you a drink.
wow. your dates via match.com (minus johnny boy) have been quite the catch, to say the least.
Wow. Just… wow. Tastes just like a milkshake but with liquor? I think that’s the most hilarious pickup line ever.
“you’re not even paying for them so of course you’ll take advantage.”
I would have punched him. Or at least thrown my drink at him.
Oh, wow.
That’s pretty awful.
Kudos to you for giving it a try and sticking it out as long as you did.
Peter Pan = idiot.
John Boy = double idiot who needs to get it together.
You = fabulous and too good for guys like this.
Wow, that was awful! I too had a Match date like that where the guy got incredibly drunk, made all sorts of racist and offensive comments, and then jumped in my cab trying to follow me home, which then led to me driving his drunk ass home on the other side of the city while he tried to grope me.
I am happy to see that it’s not just me that attracts these types :)
I am completely baffled by this. You are a real trooper for not walking out a lot sooner!
You win. I’m not even going to pretend that I have a worse one. I’m sorry. Just keep trying, the right guy is out there, I promise!
Peter Pan is definitely not for you. Maybe next time, having date #1 at a coffee house instead of a bar would give you more opportunity to figure out whether you’d even want to test the waters of a bar.
my worst match date was similar… kept throwing back drinks (around 5 drinks and 2 shots), kept winking at me, no interest in hearing about me, and at the end of the night was calling around for a place to stay. he was HOMELESS.
:) bad dates are funny.
Wow. Just wow. Too bad you can’t “review” people on match.com. You know, like yelp, but for dating.
I’m at least happy this date WASN’T with JohnBoy!!
Wow, just wow. I mean I love free booze just as much as the next girl but not enough to put up with that kind of d-baggery. Sorry you had to waste a Saturday night on THAT but it’s a really good story if that’s any consolation!
Oh wow, that’s hilarious for us, but awful for you. I was trying to decide yesterday whether I need to become single again, but… even a bf who is never around is better than that.
Oh my god . . . nightmare!!!!
I feel so bad for you. :(
EWWWWWW how on earth he could still act like he’s a frat boy? Boys need to grow up. So disgusting, I would’ve received the warning when he took you to a frikkin dive bar from a date in a good wine lounge. Guy is either nasty..or cheap.
He sounds like both. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
Jesus. Dudes suck sometimes. Maybe this guy will find a jello shot-sucking Michigan freshman he can hang out with. Sounds like that’s what he’s suited for. Ick.
Rule: Do NOT Date a Wolverine. Ever. Period. I know this from YEARS of experience.
Nasty! Sorry you had to spend any time at all with him!
wow. that guy was totally horrible. one of my first dates after moving up here was with a car salesman who was a friend of a friend of a friend who knew this guys cousin’s friend………………yea you go it?
so he picks me up at my place and we were supose to go to dinner and a movie in my neighborhood (suburbs) and we ended up downtown (near his place so close we parked in his spot in his garage at his condo) and apperantly he thought that because i was newly divorced if he paid for drinks all night i’d just give up the pooty for him…
wrong. he ended up waisted then passed out on the sidewalk and his room mate drove me back to my place. i never saw him again thank god.
UGH. That sounds horrific. Personally, I would have backed out after I found out he was a Michigan fan. =) You deserve mad props for staying as long as you did.
Oh man, I almost fell from the chair laughing too much.. Sorry, girlfriend, it’s a date from hell, but, it was fun read.
The guy has some class, eh? “that makes me so hard down there…” – not that many guys talk to a nice gal like you the way he did. Or was it just the beer talking?
Let’s moooove on!
I’m laughing out loud at “that makes me so hard down there”
He sounded like a winner, how could you let him go?!
On behalf of Michigan fans everywhere… ugh, sorry one of our kind was so gross. Some people never graduate… it’s scary really.
Oh holy hell. On the upside? At least there wasn’t any KY Yours & Mine involved.
Double good news? We can bitch about this all over again, IN PERSON, in like.. a few days.
Perfection.
Wow. Just … wow. Seriously.
Oh man, I agree with erin. CREEPER!
Ummmm…whoa. This date is a true example of self-restraint. Bravo on your part for keeping it classy.
Because had it been me, things wouldve been very different.
What a douche bag. Seriously. Remarkably, I had a very similar date, with Steve’s then best friend. VERY similar.
But don’t take a break from dating just because one guy is a skeez ball! You never know who could be around the corner.
Yikes. Just…wow. Sorry you had to go through that!
Ewww! Gross, and this is coming from a Michigan fan!
Wow, I’m impressed you lasted that long. I think I might have skipped out sooner…
What a creeper.
Peter Pan = LOSER
That is all.