Oh karma’s a b*tch, trust me.
And I got to thinking about karma, especially when it comes to guys, while I was recently closing up some matches on Match.com in prep for my little dating break.
While I’m moved on from the disappointment about JohnBoy not working out, I couldn’t help but wonder if part of the reason it didn’t also didn’t work out was bad boy karma coming back my way. I’m not saying this is main reason why it didn’t work out, but maybe it was a small piece.
I feel like karma bit me on the a** with JohnBoy because while he and I were hanging out I was unintentionally an awful b*tch to another guy on Match. Again, timing was bad with this guy but I relished in my “bad girl” activity more than ever before.
So here’s what happened. The guy’s name is Dave and somehow we got to talking on Match and then on instant messenger because it was easier to talk that way at night compared to trading e-mails. But after a rocky first IM chat (with some odd “screener” questions from him), I got to be a little more interested/focused on JohnBoy and Dave kind of fell to the back burner, especially after he said he is unemployed and only half looking for a new job. I know, it’s not fair to put him on the back burner because of this, but I did.
He would IM me constantly at work, asking to chat and say hi (even though he knew I was fully employed) and then started e-mailing me all the time too because I was psuedo ignoring him. Yeah, I knew I was doing it, stringing him along, and I knew it was wrong, but I still did it. I’m an awful person.
And the entire time I was doing it, I knew I had to close up that match, friends told me to do it too but I didn’t. Why? Mix of lazy and distracted. Both are lame excuses too.
So after the whole JohnBoy thing imploded last week and Dave started becoming more aggressive and slightly mean on IM, I knew I had to close it up, and I did, including within my “no thanks” message a simple apology for not being more honest with him sooner. Fortunately, he’s stopped IMing me at night (now that he’s not on my buddy list anymore) but still, the karmic guilt about how I handled this lingers on.
Normally, I’m not like this with guys, but for the first time, it felt kind of nice to have that little bit of control over one, instead of always being on the reverse side. Maybe that’s why I kept it going too.
I’m not proud of my actions but hopefully by admitting them here and realizing that this may have had a karma-like effect on me, that little bit of guilt will go away and I can start fresh when I’m back from my break.
So phew, my soul is unloaded.
Have you ever done this with another guy, string him along and dangle the “I might still be interested” carrot in front of them? Or do you find you’re on the flip side of that coin too (like I usually am?) Or maybe I’m crazy in my theory on this?