28 September 2009

Another conversation with grandma

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: family

Oh family. They make you laugh and cry, sometimes at the same time. I can admit, sadly, that I am an awful granddaughter. I don’t see my grandparents much outside of the holidays, but I do try to call when I can, even if it is painful to do so.

My grandma means well but sometimes when she says things, it can be…back handed. I just chant to myself, “she means well, she means well.” I know in my heart she does, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t tease her a little bit when she makes these comments.

She’s also been “supportive” of my quest to stay single too. I’ve posted before about our “colorful” conversations regarding my singleton status and recently  had another dating-related conversation with her, yippee. Apparently she’s brought this back on the call agenda because I’ve entered into a new decade.

Let’s join our conversation.

Grandma: I saw a report on the news that women in their 30s are getting “more involved” than they did in their 20s

Me: More involved?

Grandma: Yes, in things they didn’t get to focus on a lot when they were younger

Me: You mean, like dating or having kids?

Grandma: Well yes, they just choose to hold off on that stuff so they can live their life. So that’s something for you to look forward to

Me: You know, it’s okay if I don’t get married or have kids. That’s not for everyone

Grandma: Well you’re in your 30s now, so you still have time

Me: Yeah, maybe, it could happen, you never know

Grandma: Oh yes, that single stuff we knew was just a phase

Me: Like rock music and experimenting in college?

Grandma: Experimenting with what?

Me: ……….stuff, you know, like, actually never mind, yes I’m going to definitely stop living my life now in my 30s and focus on getting married

Grandma: There you go! Good for you!

Yeah, I cherish these talks :)

Does anyone else’s grandma or family continunally poke at their single status and anything else?

I know now never to bring up weddings around her because she’ll say how great it is and how happy it makes family when their kids get married.

Enter more crickets chirping from my end of the phone.


  1. MinD says:

    My grandma doesn’t understand that I can have a boyfriend and not necessarily be pondering when we’ll be married. She’s always asking, “so did he get you a ring yet?” And things along that line. DRIVES ME NUTS!

  2. A Super Girl says:

    Oh grandmothers…I have one who I have very similar conversations with!

  3. Lil' Woman says:

    I’m only 23 and not even married and my mom is already talking about babies…she better slow her freakin’ roll…I think she wants someone to keep her company :)

  4. AuburnKat says:

    My grandmother stopped asking me when I was going to get married after she saw what a wreck I was after my ex. Last year around Christmas time when I told her I was buying myself a Kitchen Aid Mixer she told me that she would buy me one when I got married. I responded with a “grandma, I might never get married…why would I wait?” her response “you are probably better off staying single anyways.” That’s my grandma, she has a great personality! =)

  5. Janalee says:

    My parents are starting to get the “Grandparent Bug”. The closest they’ve come so far is a grandkitty. Lucky for me I’ve got a couple of older brothers who are also not yet reproducing so they’re the ones being pressured instead of me.

  6. katelin says:

    luckily my family never said a whole lot about my forever singledom and my sister’s always togetherness. because turns out we’re quite the opposite that way now, i have matt and she’s still figuring out what to do. so it kind of makes me feel a little better. weird right?

  7. E.P. says:

    That’s so ridiculous. When I was younger, my family joked that my cousin and I were never going to get married. He got married a few years ago. And I am getting married… eventually.

    But they used to poke at our ever-single status and say backhanded things, too, and it sucks. I hope the situation gets better. Or you can continue to laugh it off while shaking your head. Sometimes, that’s all you CAN do.

  8. thankfully, I have a grandma that is very laidback when it comes to me (for other family members, notsomuch) so it’s only sweet words&encouragement.

    at least your grandma makes for good blog material!

  9. Nora says:

    Ha, my gram sounds very similar to yours! Whether I’m in a relationship or single, she still asks odd questions about my HIGH SCHOOL boyfriend, like why didn’t I marry him? What’s he doing now? Or should she call my current boyfriend a friend who is a boy or is he really my boyfriend? And why don’t we always spend Saturday nights together? It’s so frustrating. I’ve learned to let it roll off my back for the most part, but wow, she can be a tough one!

  10. Kate says:

    My mother never hassles me about having kids, but my MIL (who I love to death, don’t get me wrong) loves to express how much she wants Brian and I to have babies. So, I made a deal with her. Every time she brings up the topic, she owes me $5. It was rather lucrative at first and now we talk about my potential babies a whole lot less. :)

  11. andhari says:

    Sounds like my family, sometimes saying yes it’s better than arguing lol :P

  12. jen says:

    my dad’s mom always nagged me about settling down – starting at age 14. but she wanted me to date around first and have many boyfriends instead of just one at a time. she would also introduce me to men that were way too old for me like the waiters, life guards and other staff at her condo building. it was all pretty hilarious and i definitely cherish those memories.

  13. Melissa says:

    I’m kind of on the opposite end of the spectrum as you, as I’m 20 and living with my boyfriend.. so my family conversations are painful for different reasons! Instead of “have you found anyone yet?” it’s questions about how I’m going against religion and family values by “living in sin so young”.
    As for the backhanded comments, I can COMPLETELY relate to you here! My grandma was known for them. My personal favorites are “I love the way you styled your hair, but this color? A little mousey, don’t you think?” and, while introducing my brother & I, “He’s so smart! Graduated at the top of the class to move on to a huge school! And she, she’s so adorable, isn’t she?” Thanks for the vote of confidence, gram! :) They mean well, I think.

  14. Kara says:

    Ha! I used to get this from my mom, when I was the only child in college who never brought anyone home. I’d be back visiting and we’d be driving down the road talking about hamburgers or something and out of NO WHERE she’d say “You’ll find someone special Kara, don’t get down.” Um…what? I thought we were talking about hamburgers. And by the way, I’m fine. It sounds like you are the one that needs reassuring.

    And now that I am married, I get the baby pressure. Keep in mind that my husband and I just celebrated our four MONTH anniversary. Nothing like being pressured to live on someone else’s time line. My poor mom, she’ll be waiting…

  15. Sarah says:

    Oh grandmas. Thankfully, I don’t get the questions from family or the pressure. Yet, when I go back home to visit, I do get the questions from all the old ladies I knew growing up.

  16. moonjava says:

    Lol, that’s cute! You have your grandmother going on about it, I have my parents (who I love to death). But for asians and marriage age, I’m considered “old”. :P I said once I have my diploma, then I’ll start the looking, how’s that for a compromise….

  17. Heidi Renée says:

    I was never in any hurry to get married, but ended up doing it when I was 23, so I think my family mumbled to themselves more about it being too soon than anything else. And my cousin just had a baby, so when I call my grandma she just talks about how funny looking the baby is.

  18. Oh grandmas… gotta love them!

  19. jenn says:

    omg too funny. my grandmothers are the opposite. my polish grandmother always says “oooohh my sweet jenny – you look more and more gorgeous every time i see you” (bless her heart and poor vision) and the other one likes to talk about all of the people she believes have wronged her in her lifetime. the list is very very long.

    your grandmother sounds hilarious!!

  20. phampants says:

    Is it bad that I imagined an old grandma voice when I read your grandmother’s words?

  21. Arielle says:

    Oh god, my parents (and grandma) talk about this on the regular. I’m 25 and my brother is 28 and my parents are more or less convinced that they somehow raised us wrong because neither of us is getting married anytime soon.

  22. Lollygagger says:

    All of my grandparents have passed away :( which makes my family very small and pretty calm.

    My family has also never been one to say I should be dating s/one etc. but lately the subject of me meeting someone comes up, but I pretend that’s b/c they know I want that.

    At least I have a sister who’s 6 years older they can worry about first. :)

  23. April says:

    My Mom used to be all UP in my shiz about me and (now) Hubs getting engaged. One day we were in the car at a stoplight in my hometown and she said “You know, the church would be a really pretty place to have a wedding…” and I had had enough. I was like, “THAT IS IT.” I got out of the car and called my sister to come get me at the mall. I was just like OMFG I am going to kill someone if they don’t stop talking about us getting engaged.

    The best though, was when I was talking to my grandpa about my niece who was born premature and lost almost 10% of her body weight when she was in the hospital after she was born, and I jokingly said I wished I could lose 10% of my body weight. My granpa came out with the zinger, “well, maybe you could if you laid off the booze and hit the treadmill once in a while.” Mind you, I had been training for a mini marathon and was working out 6 days a week. I almost smacked somebody!!

    I guess when you get old you figure you can just say WHATEVER the heck comes out of your mouth!

  24. mandy says:

    Hahaha, I posted on this last week. My grandma views my single status (and my dislike for marriage) as an arrow through her heart. I egg her on as much as I can. Its frustrating. Maybe we should introduce our grandmas, then they can be friends and leave us the hell alone? =)

  25. maris says:

    My mom jokes about it. Like she’ll kid that all of her friends get pictures of their grandkids on Facebook and she gets bread. Whatever, they’ll thank us when they can go on vacation next summer instead of paying for an engagement party!