First, I’m bored with my workout, now I’m in a dating rut. Must be one of those weeks.
So, I’m still on a dating “break” but ever since things with JohnBoy ended and I tried to reverse my boy karma with Dan, the thought of dating exhausts and intimates me a little bit. But one part of my mind isn’t giving up on the search.
Hello, where is Prince Charming? I’m here, chillin’….call me!!
Oh.my.god, I know, I need to wake up. But sometimes, it’s nice to daydream a bit about the Prince showing up :)
Relationships are work and require compromise, those themes were definitely reinforced when I hit the jackpot on Match early on. And now that I’m in an online desert of dating possibilities (minus the 24 and 50 year old guys that “wink” at me), a part of me is scared that my too early “peak” is it for me again for another….oh….10 some odd years.
That’s dumb, I know, my friends tell me that the right guy will come along again, but that fear that this rut will turn into a permanent curse, still lingers.
So I’m not giving up or giving in, I’m still doing the Match thing, seeing if anyone tickles my fancy and thinking about looking into other local speed dating evenings out just to give it a try (if you want to go with me let me know! Safety in numbers!) just to make sure that I don’t totally lose myself to a wallow of “wah wah no guys want to date me.”
I need to get back to grabbing dating by the balls (not literally) and say, “hey, I’m not giving up. But you should buy me dinner and a drink and maybe put out later.”
Oh and those two guys on Match who I was interested in and “no thanked” me before 10 a.m. on a Monday. Your loss.
So the question for tonight is, have you been in a dating rut before? And if so how did you get out of it? Or have you ever had that feeling after a break up that you’ll never date again?
Thank you everyone too for the exercise suggestions! I think I am going to pick up a class schedule and give it a try and the Shred is coming out. I’m up for a good, solid a** kicking.
I’ve searched the internet for months now, tried the speed dating scene, no luck so far. I’m always looking for dating advice that can put me on the right path. I’m thankful for finding this Dating rut with a side of uncertainity Everyday Adventures (of Me in the City) — Chicago, IL page! I feel it’s very refreshing to score some dating related info that i can take to the bank! I’m new to the dating world having only been with 3 men in my existence, it can be quite a daunting task getting yourself out there.
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Confession: I was in a dating rut from my sophomore year of high school until the second semester of my junior year. True story. I was really, really picky, and never really dated anyone. (Nothing wrong with being picky, though!) And then things turned around for me.
While I’m sure me saying that I had a dating rut for, oh, five years, probably doesn’t comfort you, the fact that I met an amazing guy halfway through my senior year should. Sure, it takes time, but it’s worth the wait when you meet the right person.
When I met Big Man I was over guys and not even looking for anything…maybe this little dating rut and absence will be good for you and turn up some winners.
I went through an awful breakup where I never thought I would get over him and couldn’t even IMAGINE dating again. Then, voila, I met someone who made my stomach flip. We only dated for a brief amount of time, which was all I needed to “get back in the game”, so to speak. I decided to try the whole online dating thing, and while I went on some fun dates, it just wasn’t for me. I felt like it was more like a job search and every date was an interview. I then decided to just give up on dating and not even care. That’s when the love of my life showed up.
I honestly think I don’t know how to date and am terrified of being single forever because of it.
Fail.
Speed dating. I’M IN.
I was a terrible dater. Seriously, I think I was a guy in a former life because for a long time, I was fine with having friends with benefits. It felt like the best of both worlds. Then Brian came along and it just felt different. He felt like home. If I hadn’t gone to the bar that night, I never would have met him. Actually, I never would have met him if I hadn’t moved to Chicago. So keep plugging along, trying new things and looking outside the box. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.
Have you tried a different dating site instead of Match? Maybe that’ll help? I’ve never used them so perhaps it’s all the same people utilizing each one, but who knows.
I’m there with you. See my blog this week for evidence as to why I’m a little nervous to even try again…
I’m right there with ya girl. So frustrated with the process. Glass half full is my mantra right now :)
I think it’s important to listen to yourself. If you aren’t feeling the whole dating thing right now, then give it a break, and focus on things you actually want to be doing.
hang in there – it sounds so cliche, but he will come along when you are least looking for it. it’s been true for me (hell i met my husband when i was 18 while dancing on a kitchen counter and pretending to give a strip tease to one of my male friends. if that isnt random – i don’t know what is) :)
Before 10am on a Monday? That’s just unnecessary. Sucks for them!
You’re adorable, an awesome writer, and you crack me up SO don’t worry- there will definitely be a new guy eventually! Obviously :)
I’d say check out the speed dating, it seems like it could be fun!
Every time I try to seek a girl, it never works out. When I’m not looking, the girls always come.
Maybe you should try that?
chicago does have a ton of different singles activities!
try first fridays at the MCA and look into http://www.highlifeadventures.com/chicago/index.html
a little corny perhaps but you get to do cool activities :)
Oh I hear you. I was in a dating rut for 29 years. Well I guess the first 14 or so don’t count, really ;) I know you’re heard this already, but he’s out there. He’ll come along when you’re both ready. Like my firned once said, it’s like your both holding on to separate ends of the string and you each need to unravel and unknot your part til you meet up. JohnBoy and the others are knots in your string. Don’t give up.
Aw this sounds so frusterating! My dating ruts have always been punctuated by me throwing up my hands and shouting “I’M NEVER DATING AGAIN!” and then people dropping out of the sky back into my life and messing up all my plans.
I hope that someone wonderful falls out of the sky soon =)
Your prince charming might come along. You’ll never know but one of these days he might appear. Continue and be patient. I will recommend a dating site for you. Try http://www.datelot.com
Your prince charming might come along. You’ll never know but one of these days he might appear. Continue and be patient. I will recommend a dating sight for you. Try http://www.datelot.com
I didn’t have any luck on Match or eHarmony, but I met my boyfriend of 10 months on OKCupid.com.
And it’s free…
Have you tried updating your profile? Change your picture, maybe! Guys who have previously done searches might look again at your profile if you have a new picture, since they don’t know if they’ve “seen” you before.
Whenever I got in a dating rut, I stopped paying attention to guys and focused on myself. I went out with girlfriends (with zero expectations of meeting new guys). I pampered myself at home. I worked out at the gym more. And eventually, I’d get my mojo back … to the point where I was getting *appropriate* attention from guys. It’s funny how that works.
It won’t be permenant! You’re amazing and one day you’ll find an amazing guy too. I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years and sometimes I wish I was in a dating rut. Being in a couple is nice, but it’s a lot of work (sometimes more than others.) Enjoy your singledom. I know, it’s hard and lonely at some times, but relationships can be just as hard and lonely.
Of course it won’t be permanent, I think the phrase “when you start to chill and not trying so hard to look, you’ll find it” is true. I’m sure there will be great men out there you’ll meet soon :)
Are there any young professional organizations you can join to help you meet new people and try some new events. Just being around new and different people helps. You might meet Mr. Right now at something like that? Plus just going out and being social helps without focusing on finding your next date, because there is that saying about when you stop looking, he will drop into your lap (or something like that).
before the exhusband, after the exhusband, before the fiance… all of the guys i “dated” seemed to be losers in some form or another… i felt like a revolving door… some lasted 1 night, others a few weeks, a few months… but always ended.
hang in there! you’ll find your match. just takes a little bit of patience… and i understand that’s not always easy to do to: being patient that is…
Seriously, I had so many bad eperiences with men. When I first time broke up with my serious BF for five years, I cried all day and I went out with my friends and got wasted. Then all I did was trying to find a rebound! LOL..
I think, sometimes you need to take that risk to find the one and no matter how many bad dates or bad experiences, you need take that leap — It’s scary, but only way I was able to get out of the rut was to put myself out there.. “Find me! Find me!” – then JT found me:)
You’ll be fine – there are PLENTY good guys out there. Don’t be afraid!
xoxo
Oh, honey, I could talk your ear off about my bad dates which made me swear off men, made me enter dating ruts time and again, and how frustrated I could be with dating.
So yes, I’ve been where you are. When I was tired of dating or annoyed with the men or the process, I threw myself into projects. Cleaning. Volunteering. Exercise. I over-indulged in girls’ nights and me time and ignored the opposite sex. If something came along that interested me (or I wanted a free meal, because that happens), then I’d check it out.
If I lived in ChiTown I’d go speed dating with you because I’ve always wanted to check it out.
And the workout rut? I’ve been there too. Forutnately my old roomy was a personal trainer so I paid him to help me. They can be pricey but they are definitely worth it.
Big hugs. Your Prince Charming is probably writing a blog right now about his dating rut and wondering where in the world he’ll find his Princess.
I’ve had many a dating sabbatical in the past and the sad thing is that the cliche is true. When you’re least expecting it is when someone shows up.
I only signed up due to one of my friends doing it for me but it was probably the best thing for me. I’m the kind of person who gets sidetracked from dating, I don’t actively engage in it. But it forced me into that mindset.
I just let it play it’s course but of course I ended up with a good guy at the beginning of my Match.com search. As silly as it is sometimes it means getting into the mindset of dating. I hate it, and yes, I’ve had my share of stupid people on that site but sometimes you find someone decent.
First of all that Shred DVD is the toughest thing in the world. I am in pretty good shape and by minute six I was ready to quit. More power to you.
Dating rut…can’t say that I have. I have basically had two dating sabatticals. The first after I dated my high school/college bf and now the second after my husband. I am one of those people that believes things happen when you aren’t looking. That if you are fixated on it; it won’t be there yet because you are trying so hard to make any relationship, even the wrong ones, be THE ONE.
I love me some older men. Maybe you need to try out a silver fox. =)
blaahhgg…..i feel ya sister!!
ps. love your blog :)
Yeah, dating rut RIGHT HERE. Limited options when the pool is a bunch of college boys looking to get drunk, get laid, and get out.
I’ll totally go speed dating with you! Find one between Nov. 19-29 and I’m SO THERE!
Totally their loss because you’re awesome!
Yes! Yes! Yes! I’ve been there, in fact, I think I’m still in the dating rut. I think it is all about trying new things, expanding your circle of friends, and being willing to to let it happen. I’ve always wondered about speed dating…let me know how it goes!
I’ve been in a dating rut for awhile now. Le sigh.
I’ve been told that love happens when you’re not looking for it. I don’t know if that’s helpful but that’s what I’ve been told.