I am many things but one thing I thought I wasn’t anymore: shy.
Seriously! When I was in middle and high school I was crippingly shy. Sure, I was outgoing and talkative and loud with friends, but if you dropped me into a room where I didn’t know anyone, I would clam up and keep to myself. Conversation would be kept to idle chatter at a lunch or meeting table but as soon as we were released from the group, I felt uncomfortable asking people around me if they wanted to hang out. Likely because I have a fear of rejection.
Anyhow, as I got older, this shyness became less of an issue. When I lived in Germany and moved to Minnesota, I was very outgoing, going up to people I didn’t know, making conversation, making friends, maybe even inviting myself along because, well, I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. And I was going to make them like me!
But this weekend the shyness blanket wrapped itself around me again (probably with a Snuggie-like fit) and I found myself regressing at times to my previous ways, quiet, making small talk and feeling genuinely uncomfortable at times. The girl who walks into a party, introduces herself, gives a firm handshake and then gets a drink and works the room was somehow gone!
Usually when stuff like this happens, I confront it head on to help me get over it. I used to be terrified of public speaking and rather than let that control me, I joined the high school debate team and forced myself to deal with that fear (and kick some debate a** in the process.) And with my sometimes shyness, I try to force myself to break that too.
I was even trying to give myself pep talks like, “go out there, go make friends, go find someone to talk to, come on!” and I finally came around a little bit but d*mn, I was completely shocked by my behavior!
The thing I hated about being shy in middle/high school is that I always felt uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in how I looked, how I spoke, how I acted and I’m not like that anymore. Sure, some days are better than others, but I’m not the crazy insecure, uncomfortable, isolated person I was before. And having those feelings creep up again definitely knocked me off my game.
I even told a few friends I have a tendency to be shy in public and they laughed. It may be shocking, but it’s one of those hidden personality traits that I rarely let people see.
But trust me, I’m sure we all have that one trait that we keep under control but that slips out when we least expect it.
So some questions to ponder for tonight: are you shy or get bouts of shyness when you’re in a social or profession setting, if so, how do you get over it? Or what is your hidden personality trait that sneaks up on you when you least expect it?
Also, how was everyone’s weekend? I cannot wait to get back to watching college football on my couch this weekend, yes, I’m already thinking that far ahead.
I’ve never been generally shy, ever. But once in a while, I can be though I’ve never stopped to pinpoint why or what in that particular environment causes it. Maybe I’ll have to pay more attention.
I am very shy. But I use my other traits not to hide my shyness but to show others who I really am when I am shy.
Yep – another shy girl here. I never know how to “break into” a conversation when I’m thrust into a group of people I don’t know. Heck, even when I’m with people I DO know.
I am absolutely the same way where I am super-shy when I am with people I don’t know. I don’t even like to be in group settings where I know some and not others because they people I know always venture off and then I am sitting by myself.
i don’t think anyone would ever consider me shy, EVER. but i do shut down and don’t talk to people when i’m annoyed, mad or hate the group of people i’m with.
kinda more snobby quite like.
I can definitely be shy… it seems that in certain situations I get social anxiety which is new to me! Sometimes a glass of wine helps other times I just force myself to stop being a baby and put myself out there. Doesn’t always work, but oh well!
I can’t imagine you as ever having been shy!
I’m usually more shy and reserved when it comes to large social functions but if I’m in a small group or interview, I’m extremely talkative. it’s weird.
Oh my gosh, I have terrible social anxiety. Like you, I’m pretty loud and talkative with people I know, but I dread going to parties and other social functions where I don’t know people, especially when I have to go alone. I’ve learned how to fake it better over the years, but I know I’ll never be really skilled at breaking the ice and chatting people up.
I’m shy too, although I’ve still never really done what you have at a party, go up to random people and just strike up a conversation.
If I at least know one person at something, I’ll stick to their sides for quite a while before attempting to strike it out on my own. I do much better with those forced conversations when it’s a much smaller group…ie a small dinner or something where I only know one other person. Then you’re kinda forced to interact and actually talk. In bigger groups, I just prefer to listen…because I’m always afraid I’m going to say something weird…
I would never peg you as a shy one…but I guess we all have our little quirks. Probably the only time I’m shy is if I’m around people I admire or look up to…then I feel a tad inferior and retreat to my shell.
Ohhh that’s sooo meee right here. I’m exactly like that! And it’s crazy because my jobs demand me to be a really social person and there are times I can do it effortlessly but most of the times I need to peptalk myself in my head to not be so nervous!
When I tell people that I’m shy, they laugh and think I’m joking. But people I know from the past know this is true. I’ve just got a lot better at covering it up.
Hmm, interesting. I don’t think I’m shy- actually, I know I’m not. But once in a while I’ll get raging anxiety that I don’t really know what to do with.
Wine usually helps.
I find myself like that sometimes. In junior high & high school I was extremely shy- completely aware of how I looked, spoke, and seemed at all times. Causing me, obviously, to be more freaked out and uncomfortable than anything else. Over time, I started to get more comfortable with myself, but I do revert back to that sometimes. It makes me worry about after graduation, once I start working professionally. I’m hoping that by then I’ll have the shyness conquered!
I also was painfully shy in middle school, high school and even college. When I moved to NY alone I had to confront the issue if I wanted to have any friends or any semblance of happiness. While I definitely don’t consider myself to be an outgoing person, I am much friendlier and get over rejection and those feelings of discomfort you describe a lot quicker. But every once in a while, the shyness creeps back. I think it is because it was a part of my personality for so long. Sometimes I don’t feel like trying and putting myself out there so I clam up. I hope you aren’t getting too down on yourself for it. I try to chalk it up to an anti-social day and that’s it.
I would definitely not think of you as shy either!
For me, I know that people think I’m shy because I’m not a huge talker in groups. But I’m so much more relaxed being in a group of people I don’t know than I used to be.
My hidden trait is my darker side definitely.
I’m probably one of the most outgoing people I know (yes, I know myself), yet I get shy sometimes. More like reserved and uncomfortable, but I think I mask it incredibly well because when I actually own up to it, it surprises the crap out of people. So I completely know what you mean.
I don’t know what I am. I’m not really shy but I dont usually go up to strangers make small talk, etc. I guess some of it is shyness. Who knows. I don’t like it when those old habits rear their ugly head either.
I can completely relate. People laugh when I confess that I am secretly shy because in work and/or familiar situations I am the most outgoing, bubbly member of the group. Put me in an unknown crowd by myself however, and I am a quiet little mouse.
i would NEVER guess that you were shy – that’s totally crazy to me. you seem so outgoing! :)
i’m the exact opposite of shy. the trait that sneaks up on me is a tendency to take over conversation unknowingly. when i show up places, i end up telling lots of stories and it seems to me (hopefully) that people don’t mind and laugh a lot at what i’m saying or seem entertained by me. but then i start to worry that i’m monopolizing conversation and not giving anyone else a chance to speak. so then i totally shut up and don’t say anything at all. what can i say – i’m weird. :)