12 October 2009

Wedding fantasy vs reality

By: Jessica B.

I am a huge Jim and Pam fan on The Office. Okay, cute Jim/Pam moments are half of the reason why I watch that show. Alright, a small percentage of that cuteness is also my borderline stalkerish love of John K.

Moving on, last week I watched the big Jim/Pam wedding episode (and the trailers obsessively) and cried, swooned and felt excessively happy. I mean, really, it was just too cute for words.


And it got me thinking about my wedding fantasy and reality. Yeah I know, talking about my wedding when I’m not even dating, that’s healthy and makes SO much sense :) So here we go!

Fantasy 1: Black-tie affair with flowers, soft lighting and everyone looking dapper in their best dress

Reality 1: My family isn’t very formal. Khaki’s are “dressed up” for us, so I am willing to bet that “black tie” is not something in their closet.

Fantasy 2: Garden wedding, with seersucker, pastels, foliage everywhere and a comfortable, natural setting

Reality 2: I hate bugs, fear bees more than rats and it makes the wedding really weather-dependent. And I’m not the kind of girl who likes 50/50 odds on my weather forecast.

And, I love the women in my family, but they are a little…vocal…and opinionated, which made me realize too that the wedding ideas would likely go through rounds of negotiation with me likely not being the winner at the end.

But then I watch The Office and see Jim/Pam run off and get married (unofficially) on at boat in front of Niagara Falls and I swoon and think, wow, that is really intimate and romantic. As much as I want my family there when the big event does happen, the idea of running off and it being just me and Mr. Jess, that seems pretty perfect too, in fantasy and I’m sure reality.

So what about you? Do you want a big, formal wedding or do you favor running off and having a huge party after? Or if you are married, did your wedding day turn out just as you wanted it or did you ever consider eloping?


  1. You posts a great how to here.

  2. You posts a great how to here.

  3. Lil' Woman says:

    I loved their wedding, I totally cried when they were getting married on the boat! :)

    Im not sure what kind of wedding I want but Im sure my mom and sisters will put their two cents in.

  4. Bing says:

    My wedding turned out just how I hoped it would, except for the rain. I wanted it to be a modern and classy where all of our friends and family could come together to celebrate with us.

    I hate to hear when family members try to take over a couples’ wedding. It’s so not cool.

  5. maris says:

    I want my wedding to be untraditional but not recklessly so. I don’t want to be walked down the aisle, throw the bouquet and have all of the typical shenanigans but I still want my day and I do intend to make a registry.

  6. Janalee says:

    I’m just not the kind of girl who thinks about what I want for my wedding. I used to think I wanted to get married to a hockey player at centre ice before the game. But since then nothing.

  7. Chelsy says:

    I have been thinking about this a lot (obviously) and I guess my wedding has turned from semi-swanky, intimate cocktail party to small-town country club traditional. Sometimes I get really hung up on all this wedding stuff…but I was in a friends’ wedding this last weekend that really put things in perspective. The reception was in a roller skating rink in Menomonie, WI, and we ate off styrofoam plates and plastic silverware. She spent less than $500 on flowers and the whole event only cost $8,000. And we had a WONDERFUL time. It was so much fun.

    Lesson learned for this week! :)

  8. barbetti says:

    Our wedding STRESSED ME OUT. Perhaps, the whole, planning a wedding in two months from three-thousand miles away could have been the culprit.

    We had an outdoor wedding (as you’ve seen on Flickr or Facebook) and had around 75 people attend. It was SUPER casual, Steve and I both changed immediately following our vows into fun clothes. If I were to do it again, I’d elope. But, I don’t plan on that being the case, so NO MORE WEDDINGS. EVAHHHH.

  9. Kyla Roma says:

    I love that we were able to have a really homey, intimate wedding that had a lot more style for a lot less money than had we invited everyone we knew. There are definite upsides!

  10. katelin says:

    i really hope no bugs invade my outdoor wedding next year because really i just don’t like bugs, they’re gross and just ew. other than that i hope we get lanterns and people dress up, that would be lovely. haha.

  11. April says:

    oops, i meant southern INDIANA.

    i am a bad speller today.

  12. April says:

    I wanted as formal of an affair as my southern indian roots could allow – we had it at my dad’s country club which does not allow denim in the place, so we got everyone to dress up at least a little bit!

    In the end, I really just wanted to have a darn good party with everyone that I loved. And the country club staff still tells me to this day that we had the best party ever. Even at my sister’s wedding one of the guys came up and goes “This is fun, but it’s no April and Mike wedding!” We have so many funny stories from the wedding and had such a good time – it was the best I could ask for!

  13. Angelia says:

    When I started planning my wedding I started planning a grand formal affair…a year later we got married in my in-laws backyard with tons of wildflowers, 3 flower girls with fairy wings and the entire wedding party barefoot. It was perfect. We couldn’t have been happier.

  14. weddings says:

    I favor the small intimate affair, pretty yes but mostly one where everyone feels connected and can feel the love. I’ve been fortunate to have been a part of several weddings and it’s really helped me figure out what is important to me and grand and lavish isn’t it.

  15. I favor the small intimate affair, pretty yes but mostly one where everyone feels connected and can feel the love. I’ve been fortunate to have been a part of several weddings and those experiences have really helped me figure out what is important to me and grand and lavish isn’t it.

  16. Kate says:

    Brian and I got married in Vegas, just the two of us, and I have never regretted it for a minute. I never had that fantasy about my wedding day and what it would look like. The thought of standing up in front of dozens of people to express something so personal made me very uncomfortable. And Brian … well, I think he liked Vegas because it got him out of months of planning, me being a stress case and having to deal with my mom’s input. ;)

  17. although I LOVE LOVE the idea of a small, let’s-just-runaway-and-get-married type of wedding, I have way too many family members that would be bloodthirsty angry with me if I ever left them out.

    so, realistically, it would a big, formal wedding. but I really love my family so I wouldn’t mind.

  18. Kara says:

    As a newly wed, let me tell you that the stress of a big wedding/reception is just not worth it. I totally wish we would have done something small and intimate, or at least had a Jim/Pam moment to sort of take the pressure off. I actually talked to Neils about running away, just the two of us, quite often as the wedding day was approaching. I was serious too.

    Our day was pretty much perfect, but there’s just something about it. There’s so much to think about, so much planning invovled that when the day arrived I pretty much felt like vomitting all day. I think it’s ALL the build up. When it was over, all over and the pressure was off, I was ecstatic and was on a major natural high, but seriously that wasn’t until the reception was over and we were leaving.

    I will tell you this though, our reception kicked @ss! Seriously, SUPER SUPER FUN was had by all! :)

  19. moonjava says:

    Somewhere in the middle for me, probably closer to the running away part though rather than the huge grand affair.

    I’m not one for all the attention. Just family and friends would be good. :) Nice and simple yet elegant…that’s what I’d aim for.

  20. Suz says:

    I like the romantic idea of running off, but I have to have a wedding because I have dreamed about it for so long.

    I want it to be dressy casual but with all these really cute details. That is if I ever get married!

  21. Nora says:

    I’ve always wanted to elope. My parents got married in NYC at the City Hall with a few friends & family and then ferried over to Staten Island afterwards for a big luncheon celebration. That would work for me!

    At the same time, I do kind of want to get married at the STL Art Museum, all white lights and candles, white flowers, the bridesmaids in a champagne color dress (their choice of style, of course) and then a big party afterwards.

  22. jen says:

    im incredibly tempted to elope and then have a party later. but i think i want to see my future husband’s face when i walk down an aisle and feel the cheers of family and friends when we finally say i do. i want a totally unique reception that’s pretty casual with lots of amazing food, photo booths, candy buffets, blues and blue grass bands and other fun entertainment. my family is definitely not filled with dancers or drinkers so it can’t be the traditional reception. who knows what i’ll actually end up with…

  23. fritz says:

    the idea of planning all the details for my wedding made me physically sick, like panic attacks…so we decided on a small affair on a boat out of mystic. it was perfect and i wouldn’t have done it any other way!! i have a few pics if you would like to see;

  24. mandy says:

    The more and more weddings I am involved with, a part of, attend the more and more I realize that should I ever get married I don’t want the whole big wedding thing. I am protective of my relationships. I don’t blog about past ones (other than a mention here or there)and if there were currently a mister in my life I dont think I would blog a lot about him either. Its just the one part of my life that I like to keep private whether that be on my blog or in real life. The thought of running away to get married or even simply going to a justice of the peace (or mayors office) where its just the two of us together is incredibly appealing. For me, that would be the perfect wedding. Now a days I think so much emphasis is placed on the wedding and not the actual marriage, there’s a big difference between the two.

  25. ashley.star says:

    I cried A LOT.

    I had a huge, filled-with-love-and-family-and-dancing wedding.

    Basic, but so wonderful.

    I love Mike, but I wanted my family there! A small, intimate little wedding with just the two of us? Not my style. I love kids. And lots of dancing.

    Did I mention I danced the. entire. night? I didn’t even drink I danced so much!

  26. Hal says:

    Outdoors!!! The people I love! After that I really could care less :)

  27. Paula says:

    My little sister went to Mauritius to get married and had a big party for family and friends when she got back. I think she made the right choice. The wedding was organised for her, she was somewhere beautiful to do it and she still had the family celebration afterwards. I only wish I’d been able to go to Mauritius too…

  28. Compared to most stories I’ve heard, my wedding was seriously drama free and just about everyone respected the fact that it was my and Colby’s wedding, so our opinions were the bottom line. I think every couple has that moment where they just want to say f**k it and run off together, but the memories from all of the planning and events as well as the big day itself are so special to me, and I would really be sad if I hadn’t had those moments with friends and family :)

  29. blaez says:

    i use to have a fantasy of this huge grand cathedral wedding and ballgown in my head with the instrumental version of “november rain” by GNR playing when my bridal party walked down the aisle and me coming in the last part where you think the song is ending and then it crechendos (sp?)… i even had the dressed picked out, the place everything! and then i got a slap into reality… could i really afford a 100 grand wedding?! nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    so the wedding we’re planning: outdoors, spring, arkansas, mountains, on the lake.

    that dress that Pam is wearing-i was gonna reserve it this spring and start paying on it –thank you “the office”, i now have to find a new wedding dress for my outdoors beach wedding. i’m not happy about that…

    the outdoors beach theme is perfect price for my parents to pay for it all which is what they insist on doing and casual enough that no one has to buy a new outfit or be uncomfy outside in a suit… and i get to feel like a hawaiian princess with my tiki torches, sand and stuffs. <3

  30. Erin says:

    My mom told me once that if I eloped she’d write me a check for what it would cost to have the wedding. I went ahead with the wedding anyway :-)

  31. Stevie says:

    I used to think I wanted the whole big fairy tale wedding, but being one of the only non-married one left in my group of friends and watching the HELL that is planning a wedding, I’ve realized that the only thing that matters is that my favorite people are there and we all have fun. My boyfriend feels the same way. We’ll probably end up getting married at the courthouse and then having a big ass party with friends and family. :-)

  32. phampants says:

    My idea wedding is w/ all my friends. I want to celebrate w/ them and party it up w/ them.

  33. Erin says:

    I loved our wedding, even the rain and the hail that held off long enough for us to get married outdoors. The only thing I would change would be to have a longer reception. It all went by so quickly.

  34. Even if my marriage didn’t turn out the way I planned I did have an amazing wedding. It was done on a budget but was huge and elegant. The reception was a huge party and so much fun…sadly that joy didn’t last forever.

    If I ever do it again I wouldn’t do it that way. It would be me and _____. Just us.

  35. jenn says:

    we had a big fancy wedding & reception and let me tell you what…i wish we’d just run off the 2 of us. it would have been cheaper, more intimate, and WAY less stressful. and we wouldn’t be paying the wedding off until we’re 40. :)

    it’s all about whatever’s special for you. i got way too caught up in making everyone else happy and having this big fairy tale wedding that we sort of started to lose sight of what the day is all about – you & the future mr. jess ;)if you truly love each other – your guests will see it. that’s what is really special.

  36. Lauren says:

    I went to a wedding two weeks ago for one of my best friends from high school. While there, I decided I didn’t care what my wedding was like as long as there was SO MUCH FREAKING LOVE that my guests could feel it too.

    Her wedding was basic, wonderful and perfect. And now it’s all I want for my wedding. To stand up there, 100% confident that I’ve found my ‘soul mate’.

    But if after that I still have a choice, I want to get married in my barn.

  37. I have no idea what I want at my wedding. I know I just want to have fun and throw one great party for my friends and family.

    I worked at a banquet hall my senior year and saw about 60 weddings that year, so it definitely made me know what I don’t want!


  39. Melissa says:

    That episode got me a little sappy, too! (Okay, I’m lying, it got me REALLY sappy)
    I love the idea of running off & then having a party after- or, like Jim&Pam, running off secretly and then letting my family think I’m getting married at the big wedding.
    Ah, it’s fun to daydream about.