14 October 2009

Guest post: Friend trouble

By: Jessica B.

Hi everyone, we have a special guest post today from my buddy Angela about an issue we’ve all had, friend trouble. So without further ado, on to Angela’s guest post!

Hi everyone. It’s Angela from over at My Quiet Testimony today. Jessica was nice enough to let me post on her blog today, not that I need to be anonymous for this post, but simply for the fact that my own blog is not the┬ábest venue for this particular topic, since the people I am talking about might stumble upon it. Now onto my story.

I hate being brought into the middle of things, and I hate being pulled in multiple directions. But I also hate leaving people left out.

If you’ve read my blog for any amount of time, you might know of the situation between two friends of mine, Callie and Justine.* To make a very long story short, they cannot stand to be around each other, based on a situation about a boy from over a year ago.

Now, both of them are my friends. And, I like hanging out with both of them. Callie also happens to be one of my roommates this year, along with Sophie. Unfortunately, I can’t hang out with Callie and Justine at the same time because of their dislike for each other. Many times when we all make plans, Sophie and I either hang out with Justine, or with Callie. Or, Sophie will hang out with one and I’ll hang out with the other (this happens most often). When this is the case, I feel like I’m leaving one of them out. I don’t want to leave Callie out when we make plans with Justine, and vice-versa.

The thing is, sometimes I feel like Callie resents it when Sophie and I DO make plans to hang out with Justine, especially when Callie doesn’t have plans of her own. So sometimes I’ll decide to hang out with Callie instead so she doesn’t feel left out. And then I feel bad because I want to hang out with Sophie and Justine, too. I feel like I can’t please everyone.

I know both sides of the story of why they don’t get along. It happened over a year ago, and our other friends who know both sides think they should just try to make amends. We understand that they’ll probably never be friends again, but it’s stupid that they can’t leave what happened in the past. I wish that we could all make plans together and Sophie and I don’t feel like we have to watch what we say or feel on edge about what might happen.

I just hate feeling like I can only hang out with one and not the other (and kind of resenting it), and also feeling like I’m leaving someone out.

* Names have been changed.

9 Comments

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  2. san says:

    Is there ANY way to talk to both of them about how their feud makes you feel, how you don’t want to be in the middle, because you have nothing to do with their situation?

    Maybe they can work out a way so that you’re not affected by their disliking of each other.

  3. blaez says:

    I’ve been in that situation. I had 2 friends Jack (who is a girl) and Suga (who is also a girl) and they both liked the same Boy. Who played both of them…Suga and I were roommates so I knew about Suga and Boy… however, on her nights off we didn’t know Jack was with Boy…When I found out about the 2 of them I was shocked angry and upset. Boy & Jack made promises to stop… Suga ended up pregnant with Boy. Boy started cheating with other girls… Suga and Boy went thier seperate ways…along with Jack & Boy…

    That ended all of us being friends. Little by little I got Jack and Suga talking to me but they wouldn’t talk to each other.

    I’m getting married and I love both of these girls so much and I wanted both of them to be in my wedding! If they were still good friends I was going to have them both be my Maid and Matron of Honor (Jack is married to a diff boy and Suga is single)… They both agreed to set aside thier differences for my big day but I couldn’t choose between the 2 of them so I picked a diff lady for my Honor.

    So I guess maybe I’m telling you that you just have to give it time. If they were ment to be friends they will. But you can’t force it. They have to come together on thier own…And they have to realize that you can’t choose between the two because both are your friends.

  4. Suz says:

    I have been through a similar situation. For years we would complain about not being able to have them both involved with activities. We determined we had to just keep them seperated because they flat out refused to be around each other. The sad thing is of course now I am much closer to one than the other.

  5. Paula says:

    This is TOTALLY not fair on you Angela. They need to grow up and realise that if they can’t sort out their differences, they’re potentially going to lose even MORE friends as a result…

  6. Lollygagger says:

    At the risk of sounding like an old lady: life is too short. Do what you can to please yourself and don’t let other friends make you feel bad for hanging out with others no matter what drama has happened in the past.

    Friends should deal with their issues rather than drag others into them.

    Not trying to preach! I just hate when people make others feel bad. Good luck!

  7. I’m trying VERY hard to make sure my friends don’t end up in the middle of my “drama”. One of my friends, and one of our roommates, and I aren’t as close anymore and it’s annoying to have to live with her… Friend drama definitely sucks and I hope my friends don’t feel like they have to choose!

  8. Lucy says:

    Really enjoy reading your blog, so I left you a little something over on my blog!

  9. Carissajaded says:

    I wish that this post didn’t hit so close to home for me. My two best girlfriends are essentially enemies. I know the reasoning behind both of their feelings and I want nothing more than for them to just let it go. It makes everything hard.. birthdays, holidays… I always feel like I’m being pulled from both ends. I hope everything works out for you!

 

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