I tell just about everyone I know that I’m 80 percent dead inside. They usually laugh in response (why? it’s the truth!) and really, this is only about half true.
My often gruff, straightforward, sometimes unfeeling exterior has labeled me several things: bitch, tough cookie, Satan, etc. but even if my knee-jerk reaction to people attacking me verbally is to snap something rude back, sometimes I take things personally.
Ohhhhhhhhh snap that’s right, even SATAN has feeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllings.
I don’t take a lot of things personally (or at least I don’t think I do,) but when it happens, it hits me right in my cold dead heart, almost knocking me back and washing over my like a cold bitter shower.
For example, this weekend I was walking to the grocery store and crossing the street when an a**hole driving a midlife crisis sports car (overcompensating much?) tore through the light and through the crosswalk nearly hitting me. Surprised, I jumped in shock (he was really close) and as he drove by he yelled out the window “why don’t you move your fat a** b*tch.”
I continued to move my fat a** to the sidewalk (to avoid being hit again) and stood there for a moment in shock.
My first thought was “WHAT THE F*CK IS THIS A**HOLE’S PROBLEM?” and rather than focus on that anger and annoyance, I looked behind me, trying to see my a** thinking, is this really that fat?
I know, I should even give his d*ckless action a second thought and let it roll right off me, but for some reason it didn’t.
And it kept me from yelling something back like, “hey a**hole, what’s the rush? Gotta get your girlfriend home so you don’t have to pay another full hour for her?”
I guess my point from this is simple: you can’t help how you feel. You can’t help how you are going to interpret, internalize and respond to things either. A guy on Twitter snarkily asked me why I’m even upset about it, but given recent posts, weight is a little bit of a sensitive subject with me so I couldn’t help it.
Next time? I need to start carrying eggs with me. I have a pretty good throwing arm :)
Do you have a tendency to take things personally? Or are there certain issues you’re sensitive on that hit you harder than others?
Also, friendly reminder that you can check out my review of Neutrogena’s Healthy Skin Enhancer over on my review blog!
I would definitely kick the guy’s car or do anything equally violent. I don’t know, he’s being a major ass by saying that to you. And I’m sure hes saying it for being rude and not because it’s the fact. I saw your pictures before, definitely far from fat ass. That guy is just being an asshole.
I’m a lot like you – usually go through life with a calm demeanor, not being affected by much. And then something hits – no matter how how insignificant it may be – and it spuns my world right around. I’d like to think it builds character somehow :). But what a douche!!! It’s like, dude, get the f*ck over your midlife crisis already, jump into a Volvo, and watch where you’re freaking going!
I take things personally sometimes too, even when I wish I didn’t care. Weight is a sensitive topic with me too.
Ugh, what an ass. It would take me too long to come up with an appropriate snarky response, so I’d probably end up just screaming something nonsensical at him.
But seriously, just keep in mind that that guy had to take something out on someone because he leads an unhappy life. Jerks like that always pick on normal, seemingly happy people because they remind them how unhappy they are. It’s nearly impossible not to take it personally, but try not to let it get to you too much.
And to the dude on Twitter: weight is always a sensitive subject, even when you’re being up front about how you feel about it.
Geez! Incidents like that always happen to me – I get so annoyed when people run red lights or drive too closely and almost hit me.
I think it’s good that you “snap something rude” back. The other person deserves it!
The are many triggers that’s personal. We can’t control our instinct to respond in retaliation. But I feel there’s no benefit from doing this. It only makes us the more miserable.
One thing I have learned in life is we are not what we think we are, we are puppets of our minds. We respond to certain situation but are not aware where the instructions came from.
Unless we break free from the controls of our mind, we will never really experience life. We are more of a living dead. :-)
You should totally go out to a gay bar with some gay bois who will treat you nicely and you will have a nice time. there is no pressure and you can totally have fun – try it :-)
That is crazy! I hate people like that! I agree with everyone here, you’re fab!
I know what you mean though about taking things personally. Whenever a guy doesn’t like me I automatically think “I’m too big” but I know that is EFFED.
I think weight is a touchy subject for the majority of women and I think that is why assholes like that will call anybody who gets in their way a fat bitch because they know just how effective it is in hurting people. Just carry those eggs around with you – who knows maybe you’ll see his car in a random parking lot one of these days.
oh your ass is most definitely not fat. it’s awesome.
ew what an ass. i totally would have yelled back at him. at least i’d like to pretend that i would. i hate asshats like that, ugh.
what an asshole! The urge to throw a rock (or four) at that dbag’s car would’ve been too strong for me to resist.
but yeah, I get majorly sensitive if things have been said to me or about me and then I proceed to obsess over them for about a week. or two.
Certain things I can let go of but other things like my weight, my appearance and to an extent, my work, I can be sensitive/defensive. (I blame it on me being a Siclian Italian.)
I probably would have flipped him off for a good five minutes or attempted to chase him down and beat him up. He’s clearly an asshole and I’m sorry that he decided to take out whatever odd midlife crisis bs he’s going through out on someone like you who does NOT have a fat ass and is NOT a bitch.
Several years ago I had to take some tests for my shrink when I started seeing him. Everything came back normal except for the fact that I’m a bit of a reverse narcissist. In my head, everything is about me, but in a self-loathing kind of way. So yes, I take more things personally than I should. ;)
Also, a few years back, after getting off the el, I was walking down the sidewalk and this older guy felt the need to squeeze between me and a bike rack. He didn’t excuse himself as he basically body-checked me, so I said, “Um, excuse me!” And then he called me the C word. I was so shocked that the only thing I could do was tear up. Asshole.
Very timely given my post today about our cleaning lady. Let’s just say that I take it VERY personally when our cleaning lady tells me our place is dirty. Otherwise, I have a thick skin. Most of the time.
Ughhh don’t you hate it when the best retorts come AFTER the fact?
Oh, well, I guess it’s good that you didn’t sink to his level. The guy is obviously a jerk!
I’m usually pretty thick-skinned, so most things don’t bother me. I have a bad temper and when someone says something that gets to me, I usually go right into defense mode and attack them back. Mature, no. Makes me feel better, yes.
I take things to heart as well. This one time after a Cubs game, we “shared some “Old Style” induced words with an older couple who almost ran us over as we were walking from the stadium. She called me a fat b*tch, and it stung. Then I promptly told her that her boobs were so saggy if she didn’t get out of my face I would hit her in the head with her own boobie. Immature? Yes. But don’t attack my body image and then expect to make a clean get away.
I react, like any other human being, and then I take a second to stop and think about what just happened. At that point, I can usually talk myself out of any snap judgement on myself and re-focus my hostility where it should be rightly placed.
In this situaiton jdugement’s rightful place is back on that *sshole driver, who clearly is not smart enough to figure out simple driving rules. Him and all his old college frat brothers were probably drunk behind the wheel, desperately holding on to their glory days because Karma has done a number on their reality.
You on the other hand, I believe, Karma will be good to. :)
I think when someone says something to me and it hits on a personal insecurity of mine then it really gets to me. For example, I think I have a bog nose, so if someone commented on that it would hurt, but I think I have awesome legs, so if someone called me ‘stumpy’ I’d blow it off because I feel it isn’t true. I think maybe this got to you because you’ve been feeling a bit self conscious lately. What you need to remember is that how good you feel about you comes from you, others can only make you feel bad if you let them.
First of all, that guy is a dbag. Second of all, it’s tough to control how we react when we’re caught off guard like that. I mean, get in an argument with someone and you’re anticipating blows, ready to fight back. Minding your own business as a law-abiding, crosswalk-crossing lady? Off guard. Unfair attack. JERKFACE.
And you DO have a great ass.
What a douchebag. I’d probably be hurt by his outburst too, but he was TOTALLY in the wrong. Just remember he’ll get it back in the end.
I totally take things personally. It’s a disease I have. I’m trying to have thicker skin. We’ll see how that goes.
I’ve never seen your butt, but I’m sure it’s glorious. Don’t listen to that man. Men say things like that cause they’re too dumb to think of anything better to say.
Yep. My emotions are like .25 centimeters under my skin, so I feel everything (good and bad) pretty hard.
Also? You have a great ass. So eff that guy.
what a jerk!
and from personal experience, i’ve been there. it’s tough, it hurts. and sometimes it hurts more than other times depending on how i’m feeling about myself.
i like to think that it will always pass, and i really think it does (me feeling over sensitive at times)
Ohhh yeah. I’m like a sponge. I’m working on it, though.
I take things WAY too personally. Then I feel bitter about them for way too long.
I am a tough cookie too and the things that bother me are the things I least expect to. It just sort of catches me by surprise and then in addition to taking things personally, I also get pissed off that I did take it so personally.
Ooops, that comment was meant for the previous post!
F that janitor! Freakin’ a-hole.
Anyhow, I too have a fantasy profession. I’ve secretly always wanted to be an actress! Star in some kind of funny sit-com or romantic comedy type movies…
Ah dreams…
i’m just like you! i’ve definitely been accused of being a cold-hearted bitch, which i’m totally fine with. i’d rather be seen as strong & unfeeling than some weak little girl.
however – things DO get to me. and if i feel hurt or insulted – i will always respond. the meaner my response – the more personally i’ve taken something. if i laugh and act like i don’t care – i usually don’t. it’s when i respond back with some below-the-belt insult that you know you’ve really gotten to me.
I’m a lot like you in this respect. To people who don’t know me well, I might come off a little “hard,” but I’m really very sensitive so I do take most things personally…it is definitely something I’ve just learned to accept. I get offended easily. I over-analyze. I read wayyyyy too far into things. But I also realize all of this and try to keep things in perspective and not give any sort of visible reaction.
However, I have been known to scream F-YOU to bastard drivers like the one who nearly ran you over. I can’t believe he yelled that at you. What an a-hole.
I would have taken that personally, too!
I’m getting better about taking things personally since I started leading a lot of training sessions at work. Someone wrote on one of my most recent evaluation forms that they thing they didn’t like about the training was that I am awkward with jokes. Um, sorry. I didn’t know I had to be a stand-up comic to lead a training session.
I would take it personally too. Its only natural. But you said it best when you pointed out the midlife crisis car. He’s obviously insecure and projecting that onto others. F him.
Things bug me the most when they catch me off guard. If I feel really comfortable and something happens I kind of lose it.
First of all that is so, extremely, impossibly stupid of that guy that I can’t even go into it. I’m so sorry that he said that, and it’s obviously 100% about him, his life and not you. Lame.
But (I can’t help it!!) as for the sentiment that we can’t control how we feel, I have to disagree. In my experience, how I react to the things around me is one of the few things in life that I have any amount of control over. I don’t for a minute think that you shouldn’t be effected at all by things like this, but I find that whenever I can take a moment & step out of the situation, I always feel better.
I’m an emotional person. I take things personally & I let things get under my skin, but building in that moment of “is this about me? It’s probably not. How do I feel? Mostly ok? Okay, lets move on!” into my mental process has made a huge difference for me when I’m actually able to employ it.
And when I can’t? In a fantasy world, I like to think I could deliver a nice high kick to the throat. =)
Funny, I just posted something similar last week.
Four years ago, I was 5’11″ and 130 pounds. However, one day while walking home, someone threw a salt shaker at my from their moving car. It hit me in the leg and the passengar shrieked, “hurry home fat ass!” And I was slender like Kidman; this guy was just a bonafide asshole.
hahah you totally should’ve screamed that at him!
I’m sure I totally would’ve had stinging feelings from that comment too, but seriously screw him. what does he know? you’re fabulous!