27 April 2010

When you’re wrong

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: Random

A few months ago, TC sent me a hilarious list of random thoughts a guy posted that covered everything from texting while driving to public Facebook profiles to learning cursive.

And one of the items that stuck with me from that list was:

“Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.”

For me, that is 100 percent correct. It’s an awful feeling of, “oh sh*t I have to apologize now,” and then I swallow my pride, ignore my previously passionate incorrect arguments, and say, “I was wrong.”

Some people are nice and let it die there, others bask in the knowledge that they were right and I’m doing the womanly thing of admitting fault. I hate when they do the latter, but hey, whatever.

But lately, I’ve been thinking about apologizing to just end an argument. For a long time, that was me. I hate confrontation so I would just apologize and say I was wrong (even when I wasn’t) to end the fight and move on.

I never thought much about it but then I started to notice that certain people I did that with just expected me to roll over and apologize, or they knew that the longer they held on to the fight, that I would eventually tire and give in. For some reason, I would rather just apologize and be wrong than have people be mad at me.

I think that priority is a little off. But I’ve done this because it was just easier. And because I never stood up for myself.

Yeah, I was a pretty big pushover. I would not only apologize, but also go out of my way to apologize, declaring how wrong I was and that they were right. Some people really grooved on that.

And now, I’m in a situation that could be resolved if I just apologized and I refuse to do it. It’s as if a light switch has been turned in my head and I’ve finally drawn a line in the sand. For this conflict, I am partially at fault, and I can acknowledge that, but for the first time ever, I’m not going to be the only one apologizing. No one is perfect but I’m tired of always being the one to make the first move.

This is not about holding a grudge but being fair. If you’re wrong about something, you should admit it. You’re not less of a person for doing so. But I’m always shocked at people who believe (honestly) that they ever do anything wrong. How do I get to be like that? Kidding.

Can you admit when you’re wrong or have someone in your life that can’t admit when they are? Does admitting your wrong make you more human?

Movie review: The Back-Up Plan review is still up as well in case you’re looking ahead to the weekend (which I am!)

24 Comments

  1. I’m also the type who apologizes too readily, as I just HATE arguing. It makes me miserable, and if it isn’t a big deal, it just seems better to kill it before it gets too nasty, y’know?

  2. Stephanie says:

    I hate being wrong. I really do. But I can admit when I am wrong. And I take pride in it. Adam…he does not like so much to admit when he is wrong. But I am very stubbon and tend to beat a dead horse about it…which is not so great either. But I am like you now, if I know I am not wrong, you will not catch me apologizing for anything.

  3. Maki says:

    Ah yes, that’s me – I always do that, especially with my husband. The worst part is, I don’t even know how to say “I’m sorry” when I know I should. It’s crazy how you can be so stubborn… I hope I’ll have the courage to say “sorry” right away when you know you’re wrong (sorry Hubs!)..

    xoxo

  4. andhari says:

    I can. Which is why I’m irritated with stubborn people who dont even bother to try to listen to what other people are trying to say and realize they may not be as right as they think.

  5. I’m so passive … I rarely argue. I can’t be bothered to waste the energy.

  6. Kate says:

    The only person I’ve ever really apologized to when I knew I wasn’t wrong was my mom. She’s more stubborn than I am, I know I’m not going to make her see it my way and since she’s in her 60s, I don’t want to spend whatever years she has left fighting, you know?

    Apologizing is never fun, but I will do it if I was wrong and I’m truly sorry. Sometimes, though, I don’t feel sorry for what I’ve said or done. That probably makes me an asshole. But if I was honest or did something from a place of good intentions, I’m not going to pretend to be sorry about that.

  7. Nora says:

    If I’m blatantly wrong, I’ll admit it.
    If I’m partially to blame it takes me a little bit longer, but I’ll admit that, too. Does it make me human? Probably. I think it’s kind of a high & mighty thing for people to believe that they can do no wrong.

    It’s not always easy to admit I’m wrong, but I will if I need to. Hopefully the other person will man (or woman) up and admit they were partially to blame as well!

  8. jenn says:

    i’m like you – i’m willing to admit i’m wrong IF the other person admits fault too. one-sided apologies are ridiculous. sometimes i bite my tongue and just let it go, but i’m a very righteous person & that really bothers me. it’s a tough situation!

  9. mandy says:

    Good for you for holding your ground. In my early teen years I often apologized for things that weren’t my fault but then I realized that in a way I was compromising myself. If I am truly wrong I have no problem admitting to that, but if I’m not I dont.

  10. Mega says:

    Stick to your guns I say. You’re definitely one of the stronger people I know in that regard.

  11. I agree with Janalee – I will only argue and get myself worked up if I truly and passionately feel strongly enough about the topic(s). but if I happen to get into a situation where I discover that I’m not correct about something, then I will freely admit to it.

  12. Janalee says:

    I try not to argue unless it’s something that I’ve very passionate about. But when I do argue and I think that maybe I was wrong I tend to check with someone else, just to be sure that I actually screwed up before apologizing. If the third person tells me that I’m wrong then I probably am, but until then I just consider it a difference in opinion.

  13. katelin says:

    i hate when people refuse to admit they’re wrong, it’s just so annoying so i totally know what you mean.

  14. Erin says:

    Admitting you’re wrong IS hard. And, I agree, it’s especially difficult when the other person doesn’t acknowledge your statement or refuses to admit any responsibility in the situation.

  15. That’s why there’s the phrase “choose your battles.” You obviously don’t choose all of them (uh, like some of us…) so I’m glad you’re standing your ground.

  16. molly says:

    It depends on who the argument is with and what it’s about. I find it harder to admit I’m wrong when it’s with someone I’m not close to.

    Glad to hear you’re sticking to your guns.

  17. I’ve long had issues admitting when I was wrong, but I’m trying to be more mature about it these days and owning up to my errors. I feel better when I do that. But you’re right, it’s hard to do it with people who won’t ever admit when THEY’RE WRONG.

  18. Allison says:

    It’s a tough thing to swallow but I admit when I’m wrong. However, I have been in arguments where the other person was clearly at fault but kept running her mouth. And, truthfully, I know she knows she’s wrong, but sometimes it’s hard for other people to admit it.

  19. Cheryl says:

    I always admit I’m wrong, even when I’m not or at least not fully to blame. I’m super hard on myself and get down on myself for mistakes made–Catholic guilt I’m sure. So I’ve started to assert myself more, not pile so muhc responsibility for things on myself,not be a doormat. It takes two people to argue, tango, get along. Except for certain extreme cases, no one is fully responsible. Sometimes you have to draw your line in the sand…

  20. Melinda says:

    I am like you and tend to just get a confrontation over with, regardless of who is right or wrong. Unless it is something that really matters! It takes a lot of guts to stand by your point. You should be proud of yourself for taking a stand when it really matters to you.

  21. I think it takes a certain amount of maturity and self-confidence to admit you’re wrong, but also to stand up for yourself when you’re right. It’s a big step to do both, but I think you’ll find different parts of life are easier and people will show a different kind of respect for you.

    I was a pretty stubborn (and smart) kid, which meant I had issues admitting I was wrong. Like you, eventually a light switch went off. And part of that learning process was learning how to communicate, offer apologies and even accept apologies. I hope things work out for you in this most recent situation.

  22. Her says:

    It’s really great that you’re recognizing this–you deserve to have your say too, especially when you’re right. I used to try to compromise on everything, but I started realizing that I was only giving myself the shaft.

  23. Kara says:

    I used to get accused of never admitting fault by an ex, but it was really because I just don’t say “Ok you’re right” if I don’t think you are. And really, why would you want me to lie to you anyway?

    For the record, I CAN admit when I’m wrong. I do it with Neils all the time. :-)

  24. Lisa says:

    This is making perfect sense in my head, and I’m having trouble putting into words. I don’t know that you really have to apologize for being wrong in an argument. I’d say if you’ve done something to hurt someone, yeah that warrants an apology, but the apology isn’t a mandatory thing. Sometimes I think it’s OK to just say “I see where you’re coming from now, and you’re right” without having to say you’re sorry for your original point of view.

    I get where you’re coming from with the confrontation thing. I’m the same way and lately I’ve found myself doing the same thing, I just don’t want to be the pushover anymore.

 

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