Even though I’m traveling again this summer, when someone asked me last week if I was still planning on getting back into online dating and I said, “hells yes!”
I’m ready to make my debut back into the world of Chicago online dating to see what Match.com has to offer me in available men.
But online dating is tricky and frustrating so as I look ahead to round two, I’d like to think I’m a little wiser this time in terms of what to expect.
I’m not an online dating master, but I’m a little more realistic of how this thing works.
And, of course, I know that good stories will (hopefully) result. I am definitely looking forward to that.
So here’s what I know I’ll see guys do on Match again:
- Post photos of them from 10 years ago, thinking they still look like that now
- Say they’re open to “new possibilities,” including sexual ones
- Expect me to do all the work arranging the date
- Demand go out right away after reading your profile
- Not take “no thanks” for an answer
- Talk only about their pets, ex-girlfriends or desire to have kids within the next year on the first date
I’m sure I’ll update that list as this goes along :)
But with that, here’s what I’m keeping in mind as I jump back in:
- I don’t know if I’ll meet Mr. Right
- This is an opportunity to have FUN, try new things (NOT like that) and meet new people
- To stop joking that my level of expectations for a mate are “good credit” and “has a pulse”. I can keep it achievable and realistic without being limiting
- To not waste time on guys I’m just not interested in (that’s kind of mean)
There is a 50 percent chance I won’t meet anyone or anyone worth going out with, but hey, all I can do is be me!
For those who have done online dating, how many times did you do it and was your second experience better? Or for those who met someone through online dating, what set them apart? Or what is your online dating nightmare.
i’ve tried it on and off for about 3 years now. i’ve realized it really isn’t much different than meeting guys in “normal” ways. either you click or you don’t…period. you can’t take it personally.
i’ve found that usually 1. they like me more than i like them. 2. i like them more than they like me. 3. they just want the quick hook up. 4. if i just wanted the quick hook up, i would pick up a guy at a bar and not pay $35/month for match.com!!
I have a happy online dating story! I only went on three online dates but they were spread out over the course of a year lol. Anyways, I’ve been dating my boyfriend now for 8 happy months. I did think he was different right from the start. He was courteous and genuine and a GENTLEMEN. He did not make sexual innuendos or show any red flags. He just seemed like a genuinely nice guy who was on the shy side. Anyways, we met and the rest is history. I know it can be a jungle out there in the online dating world but it can work! I think sometimes it just comes down to luck.. I wish you the best!!
I think that dating in Chicago is difficult period. There are a lot of guys between 28-35 who are dating just to date (i.e. no interest in locking it down). And why would they when there’s no rush and a plethora of really great women to choose from? I call that demographic the “No Man’s Land” for gals like us…which is also why I’ve tended to date older guys.
I have high hopes for good online dating experiences for you….but match is a beast. We’ll chat…. ;)
I hope NOLA is going well for you. Don’t let any guys throw beads at you. And as for online dating…do it. We can swap stories some more.
I love those estories, the bad and the good ones!
Can’t wait to hear the round 2!
Good luck, hope that if u don’t find the Mr right then at least u have a good time going out w the guys.
I did the match.com thing and it took me a year to find a keeper. I went into it wanting a grown-up dating experience. (I was 31 before I had the sort of date where a guy picked me up, took me somewhere, paid, and then took me home) Match gave me that, so even if I hadn’t met the man I moved to Chicago for, it would have been totally worth it. I too, thought it would make for great blogging fodder, but my dates were pretty tame, all nice guys, just not right for me. I made a point to talk as much as possible before meeting and put on the front of my profile that if they didn’t like cats not to bother. ;)
Your lists are SO TRUE. I hate when guys want to go out before we’ve even had a conversation.
I never really tried it before, but maybe that’s because the guys in local online dating site here are creeps. Unlike guys over there where you live. Sure there might be some like you said but overall, I don’t know maybe because I’m not really fond of how creepy Indonesian guys can be.
Good luck on your 2nd time trying! Hope you get to go out with someone really hot, fun and eligible :)
I tried online dating after the ex. They were all disasters. I attracted assholes who just wanted sex. Ugh.
But I found my dream man online (yes online) by accident while playing a game (like dungeon & dragons, text based RPG -think WoW, world of warcraft, but without the pretty graphics). It was love at first fight (killing monsters in the game…).
Good Luck!!
The best way to find a good/the right man online is to list everything that you look for in a man and a relationship. It has nothing to do with giving away of who you are.
You don’t want them to waste your time nor you wasting theirs, so be straight with them. Whoever is strong enough to accept what you want n a relationship will win your heart;)
Go get em’ girlfriend!!
xoxox
This:
“To not waste time on guys I’m just not interested in (that’s kind of mean)”
is where I’m at right now with the whole dating thing. So far all the ones that have come my way/friends have tried to set me up with? Just not interested. I don’t think it sounds mean at all, but there is no point in wasting anyones time, especially your own. Can’t wait to hear about the adventures that happen upon you :)
Okay so I’ve not done any of those things so far on Match so that is a plus for me. I am not very optimistic about finding anyone on Match though either but I said I would give it a try.
Hell I look good for my age if I was using pics that are ten years old than I could lie and say I was thirty.
If I’m being perfectly honest, I went on one date (many years ago) as a result of online dating and I felt pretty creeped out the entire time. I also talked to some guys through the Reader personals when Brian and I were on a break. I remember one guy in particular who didn’t like the fact that I swore and asked if I knew how to keep the profanities to a minimum when I met his family. Needless to say, we never went on a date. I mean, I have to be able to curse and who brings up meeting the family on the first phone call? Eeks.
Oooh I’ve never online dated (I’m engaged anyway) but I love hearing stories about it! Good luck! From what my successfully-online-dating/dated friends have said, it sounds like you have the right attitude!
Oh dear…I can’t wait to read more about this
Every time someone asks me my opinion on online dating, I say, Why not? If I didn’t have B, I absolutely would! What do you have to lose? :-)
Oh the stories I could tell. I did online dating three or four times. But you know the last time, it worked! I think online dating is really just the same as meeting people anywhere–social groups, classes, bars, through friends. When it’s good, it’s good. When it’s bad, it’s bad, when it’s horrible, it makes great blog fodder :)
My first year in NJ, I tried Match.com and eHarmony.com. eHarmony gave me nothing, and I didn’t really like anyone that Match.com was providing. Mostly Jersey guidos. Yuck. I had one date off of eHarmony, but he was really awkward and not someone I could have seen myself with.
My second time around I did OKCupid. It’s free, so immediately I felt less pressure. I just casually looked at pictures, sent some messages, IM’d with some guys. When Erik emailed me, he messaged me as if he was sending me a normal introductory email. He was very casual and sweet, but not overbearing and didn’t try too hard to be sexy. He just pointed out what we had in common and asked me some questions to start a dialogue. That’s key – have a dialogue with someone. Not just tell them they are hot!
(And yes, it worked out quite well – we got engaged on Saturday!)
I wouldn’t say my online dating experience was bad, but I didn’t have very much luck. I ended up meeting just one person, and even though he was looking for a way more serious relationship than I, we ended up friends.
My only problem with it was that it seemed to be filled with people that weren’t really looking to meet anyone. I’d try to contact people and never get a response. I kinda got the impression people were just there to see who was out there and do some online stalking, not actually converse with anyone. I figure that varies by area though, and you might have a wonderful experience! I do think it’s a great way to meet people when they really want to meet!
I was a first mover when it came to Match.com. I did it before online dating was acceptable. I lost count of the number of weird looks I got for doing it.
That said, I stuck with it, on and off, for 5 years or so. I didn’t really look at it as a dating miracle. I didn’t expect to meet the most wonderful man in the world. I did it to meet new people. And if I got a few dates out of it, great. If not, no biggie. No one was forcing me to be there. I could leave at any time.
I think the problem with online dating is people expect it to cure whatever ails them in their dating lives. The reality is, it won’t. It’s just another channel to meet people. And if you go into it with that attitude, then you hopefully won’t walk away disappointed. Even if you don’t wind up marrying someone you meet there. That said, I met my husband on match.com … so, it can work. =)
Good for you for jumping back into it. I’m sure there are just as many losers and weirdos as you meet out at a bar, but guys at the bar don’t come with profiles attached. Hmm…maybe that would be a good idea! I have a friend at work that is getting married this summer and they met through an online dating site! Good luck and I look forward to reading your stories about it!
i met my husband on match.com, and i cant say what one thing stood out then all the others, but i can say that everything about him was genuine and up front, even before our first date, and that could be something!! Good luck, and have fun!
I’ve attended 3 Match.com weddings :) 2 in Chicago, 1 in Florida…
I think going into it planning to have fun is the very best way. I hope you get some good times out of it! At the very least, you’ll have some hilarious stories for us.
I don’t think the last one is mean, it’s just being realistic! :)
My online dating experience was horrible. I never really wanted to do it in the first place, but I was bored. Every single guy I went out with basically wanted to take me home to meet their family and propose to me right then and there. I don’t what it was about me that attracted that kind of man. And I felt like every date was more like a job interview, and that’s just not the kind of person I am. I’m much more spontaneous and prefer to meet people more organically. And I did, very soon after I quit the online dating thing!
Well, I’ve got a couple of friends getting married at the end of this month who met on Match.com. It can happen!
You definitely have to have a realistic view for online dating and to know how to weed out the Creepers. I’ve had good and bad experiences with online dating. Can’t wait to hear your stories!
Oh! I’m excited to hear how round two goes! It sounds like your approach is really grounded- and not wasting time on guys you don’t like isn’t mean, it sounds like… a scheduling consideration ;)
I am anti online dating (just for me, not for other people). I should write a blog post about it sometime. Been there, done that, hated every minute of it.
All I can say is that Friendster changed my life! :)
It sounds like you have a good outlook on the whole thing, and that’s the most important part!