26 January 2012

First dates suck

By: Jessica B.

First dates are my least favorite part of the dating process.

They are the inevitable dance of getting to know someone without revealing too much and being vague enough where you can decide if you would want to see that person again. Most of the time, the answer is “maybe.”

Here is usually how my first dates go:

  • Anxiety about going and contemplating if I should cancel or postpone
  • Review the person’s online dating profile to determine conversation topics for the evening
  • Taking my time arriving at pre-arranged location so I’m not the first one there
  • Commence awkward introductions/discussion of weather/transportation/parking to the location
  • Review menus, smile and make very light talk while waiting for drinks to arrive
  • *At this point, I get a sense if I will have to lead conversation a bit more or if he will*
  • If I have to make conversation, I will initiate by asking something relative to items we’ve discussed by email and/or on his profile
  • Conversation will continue
  • Insert a few awkward pauses as one of us decides what else to discuss or if we should just call it a night
  • Add in a few “bathroom breaks” which allow me to check my phone
  • Evening ends, I walk to the bus or cab home, send a text to say thank you (if he paid) and delay deciding if I would see him again

This may sound cynical but I guess I’m not used to first dates going well.

Either way, a first date/drinks could be fun, a mess or just two hours of my life I won’t get back. Regardless, I’m giving it a try to keep me moving forward.

I don’t like starting over, starting fresh with someone I don’t know and putting in the extra work to try and see if “me” is someone he might be interested in. It would be easier to go back to the way things were, but there isn’t anything there anymore, so I have to start over.

But then again, drinks are just drinks and worst case, I make a quick escape and try again with someone else.

Whatever, let’s do this.


  1. uuugh – first dates usually make me laugh because you never know what you are going to get.
    but i like whoever said it is about seeing if you click with the person.

  2. Arielle says:

    Woohoo, get back on the horse! =)

  3. B says:

    Ugh. Is there anyone who actually likes first dates? I don’t think said person exists!

  4. Marjolein says:

    I hated first dates too, but for me, once I started seeing it as ‘do we click?’, instead of ‘will he like me?’ it became less stressful.

  5. Lil' Woman says:

    Good luck on your future endeavors. If anything you can always tweet me throughout it for some amusement :)

  6. The past few first dates that I went on I drank a glass of wine before I left home. I found my anxiety was making me really awkward, and one glass of wine was just enough to loosen me up, make me better at small talk and also help me not care as much if the date wasn’t going well.

    (I probably shouldn’t admit this, but when I have to do radio interviews for work I often do them after a beer or two for the very same reason.)

  7. Caz says:

    so I am just starting to dip my toes back into the ‘dating’ scene after 6 years and can I admit I’m scared shitless! And maybe insanely picky about the whole situation.

    Maybe, it’s wrong to assume, but I’d like to put the ball in his court and repeated texts back and forth to the extent of him not just making a decision and inviting me somewhere is annoying! If I say I’m available, suggest a date/time/activity and if I’m not free I’ll suggest something else. None of this “let me know what works for you” crap said in 6 different ways. YOU DECIDE.


  8. karen s. says:

    You’re over thinking it. Be yourself, and if it doesn’t work out, it’s his fault he was.just crazy anyway. ; )

  9. Do you judge the guy if he picks a totally lame bar? I totally did this. I think my shortest first date as 43 minutes lol

  10. allison says:

    are you in my brain? I just wrote a similar post. Just go, try and do it (I need to tell myself this too)

  11. Good luck!!! I hope some of your upcoming first dates go well. I’ve never really “dated” but I have to say I’m not overly sad about it. Sounds like a pretty anxiety-inducing thing!!

  12. Ugh. Hate first dates. Also hate the whole “does he like me? does he not? is he going to text me? should i text him?” nonsense I’m currently going through. HATE IT.