30 April 2012

When the last friendship strand snaps

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: Random

In the last week, I’ve done a lot of thinking. About friendships, and one in particular.

In friendships, I tend to give, and give a lot. Sometimes, I get burned and when I do, I pick myself up, dust myself off and keep trying. I don’t want to give up on the people closest to me, even if they disappoint me. I want to keep trying because they mean that much to me.

But sometimes, something happens with that friend and I feel the last thread between us snap. And that’s it. I have to walk away, for now.

And that’s what happened recently. The last thread between me and someone I was once insanely close to, snapped.

Here’s the thing, I’m not always a great friend. I fuck up, make mistakes and probably disappoint people too. I can be self-absorbed, insecure and wallow in my own shit. My life is not perfect and being around me isn’t always fun.

But I always try to remind my friends that they mean a lot to me, so when I do fuck up, they know it’s not a regular thing.

Usually, time and distance changes my friendships, so when it is something so singular like this, it catches me by surprise.

I lash out, say mean things to no one and may point the finger back at them, but that doesn’t really matter because, whatever brought us here was a combination of the two of us.

I don’t like change, it’s scary, unknown and definitive. And while change has been good to me, when it involves losing the people I loved dearly, I am not a fan.

But Friday, I sent a final note to this person, my way of saying goodbye because things won’t be the same and I don’t want people like that in my life any more. It may be a bit lonelier but definitely more positive.

Jesus could I be any more vague? Holy shit.

How was your weekend?

 

 

 

10 Comments

  1. Nicole says:

    I know exactly how you feel on this one trust me I have a friend who I’ve known and been friends with since 2007 and it’s now 2014 we used to be super close talk everyday on Skype,make each other laugh till it hurt, but now she is suddenly so distance around me when we do talk the conversations don’t last long barely a few minutes and she has been making up a lot of excuses lately to cancel our plans to talk cause we haven’t’t in months her excuses are starting to get pretty bad too. I also feel left out because I find out a day later she has been busy spending her time with her other friends that she meant recently these new girls who she hangs out with are extremely obnoxious,rude, and they are always insulting me behind my back and putting me down. My friend dose nothing to stop it so I’m guessing she now favors them over me when I ask her to do stuff with me recently like chat on Skype recently or watch a movie she snaps on me literally snaps and sounds angry for no reason. Which then leaves me feeling really low and depressed. I’ve tried to find out what I did to make her suddenly act so distant with me and avoid me and how her new friends make me feel so shitty all the time but if I tell her I know she will just snap at me again or not want to talk to me for awhile so I have to keep it build up. I’ve also considered ending our friendship many many times but just can’t go through with it cause wever known each other for almost 10 years and even though I feel left out and replaced all the time breaking it off with her is extremely hard to do.~

  2. San says:

    Vague? Maybe.
    Relatable? Absolutely.

  3. I’ve done this a few times. In fact, I did it recently. When you don’t receive as much as you give – or anywhere near it – sometimes it just becomes too much. When a friendship is bringing you down instead of building you up? That’s now how friendships are supposed to work. Props to you for having the guts to make a clean break.

  4. katelin says:

    i seriously hate when that happens, i’ve been teetering with a close friend of mine because i am seriously putting in all the effort to hang out and she’s not doing anything. but ugh, that’s the worst, i’m sorry. it’s just not fun. if you need me i’m always a text, call and gchat message away :)

  5. Marjolein says:

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think sometimes friendships have to change or don’t survive, because all people change, so the relationships you have with the people around you change with you. Doesn’t make it any easier though…

  6. Erin says:

    Sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time with this particular person. I completely know what you mean, though, and I respect you for letting the person know your feelings. I’m totally passive aggressive and just stop responding to calls or emails when I decide I don’t want someone in my life any more. Such a chickenshit way to be.

  7. Julia Steele says:

    I feel you completely. I had a group of “friends” basically dump me after I lost my job… I’m dying for some closure but I don’t think it will ever come. Hang in there.

  8. Arielle says:

    Breaking up with a friend totally sucks, but sometimes it really needs to be done. It’s a weird, taboo kind of situation for some reason and people don’t talk about it much, but I see no reason why you can’t end a bad friendship in the same way you’d end a bad relationship. If someone doesn’t make you happy anymore…time to go your separate ways, you know? I think doing that is really brave so good for you! =)

  9. Kez says:

    I think I know how you feel and that sucks, but sometimes it’s time to move on I guess.
    This last month (without going into massive detail), my friendships have become strained. Funny thing is, the people who strained it probably have no idea (they were a bit self absorbed let’s say)! It doesn’t mean the end of these particular friendships, but I am DEFINITELY one to know when it’s time to take a break! They probably won’t really notice or realise it’s them, but let’s just say they monopolised my time, energy, and finances and although gratitude was shown after the fact, it would have been nice if they’d been more considerate AT the time!
    I think taking a break from certain people is definitely a smart decision – good on you for recognising it x

  10. ugh, this is the worst and i’m sorry you’re going through it. but sometimes you just need to move on – who knows what could happen between you two in the future but for the time being it sounds like this is the way it has to be. hug.

 

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