Archive for May 2012

30 May 2012

Advice from men to women

By: Jessica B.

I read advice to women about men with a healthy bit of skepticism. Not in a man-hating sense, but I find the advice often humorous, and a tad off base. Or it is so general that I cannot imagine women actually behaving in that way.

So when I saw RT’s of Peter’s post titled 20 pieces of advice for women about men, I was, let’s say, curious.

I was ready for it to say, “don’t be such a bitch sometimes,” or “try harder to look nice for us.” Honestly, I had no idea what to expect.

And then as I read it, I found myself nodding along and having a “hell yes!” attitude at the end.

And then I promptly shared it with friends, both single and newly dating. They had the same reaction.

What prompted such action? Well, in a numbered list, Peter shares, from a real guys perspective, advice to women about things to look for and not settle for in the men they date.

And as much as I wanted to hate it or cry, “YEAH RIGHT,” it was really true. And it is a good reminder to anyone dating or looking to date.

Here’s the thing, online dating can make you super critical. And after you’ve been at it for a while, you get a little jaded. You wonder if you’ll meet someone that gives you the butterfly, swoony crushes and if not, should you just take what you can get?

Even if you think about past dates or boyfriends that didn’t work out, you can find yourself rationalizing things that were red flags because it’s better than no guy. Sometimes, that feeling of “settling” is just there.

But reading that list gave me the kick in the ass I needed. I deserve the key things on that list of 1-20, ending with the biggest reminder: don’t settle for a guy who doesn’t like you completely.

That is something I need to be reminded of because sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget that.

So thanks Peter for the reminder, I definitely payed that advice forward.

28 May 2012

Favorite parts of the weekend

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: Chicago, Food, Friends

I love long weekends, especially when the city is quiet and there are few set plans.

Memorial Day for me wasn’t too exciting, but it was relaxing, which is exactly what I needed. It also allowed me to slow down, rather than run from one place to another. Sometimes, that rat race gets exhausting.

Some of my favorite parts of the quiet weekend included…..

BEER IN THE SUN (which coincidentally burned my fair skin)

Shopping at Gap where I purchased my first-ever maxi dress looks ridiculously hot on me, IMO

Frozen yogurt (it was hot enough where this was so necessary)

Brunch with friends (zucchini, tomato and cheddar omelette. Yes!)

And a Memorial Day cookout with friends which included sitting in Lincoln Park on a cooler night, eating food off the grill and throwing the football around.

I don’t have a photo of that but it was a perfect evening.

Now, I’m ready for a two-day work week before I jet out of town, not a bad way to ease in to vacation.

What were your favorite parts of the long weekend?

16 May 2012

Dating double standard

By: Jessica B.

In dating or attempting to date, I find the following to be my pet peeves with guys:

  • A fun text exchange that suddenly ends without the other person saying something like “later”
  • Constantly asking if they’ve upset me or if I’m mad at them
  • Being aloof like they’re too cool or busy to talk
  • Going out with or stringing along me or someone else because they “need it” rather than because they like them

All of these items have happened to me. I hate that guys do it.

But I recently realized, hey do so girls. And by girls….I mean me.

(The second bullet does not apply here.)

Oh the painful reality check.

Now, I feel a little twinge of guilt every time I complain about this because I feel like I should say, “well turns out I’m a coward and do the same thing.”

There was a guy I was talking to for a little bit, who will be referred to as Emoticon Guy (it’s a step up from wellie fetish guy). Emoticon Guy was nice, sweet and talkative, but I knew I wasn’t really interested in him. But that didn’t stop me from stringing him a long a little bit without feeling an inch of remorse. He was persistent (I like that usually) but ultimately, I knew I just did not want to make out with him or even…make the time to hang out with him. I would rather hang out with my friends.

And rather than be an adult and tell him, I just stopped responding to his texts and eventually, he got the message. And when he sent the final text saying “I guess you don’t want to talk anymore…good luck,” I felt like a total asshole. In that moment, I was the model of the major thing I hate about dating.

This sounds awful, but immediately after, I thought about the times guys strung me along and disappeared and rather than text back a note that says “yeah I’m sorry,”  I just deleted him from my phone.

HANG HEAD IN SHAME!

 

14 May 2012

Balancing the life trifecta

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: Random

While catching up with Nic last week, I explained my crazy concept of the “life trifecta” and how mine is slowly getting back in balance.

The life trifecta are the three things that keep you sane and stable in your life.

Mine are: Work, friends/family and apartment

These are the things that keep me grounded, balanced and feeling like I’m in control of my life on a manageable basis.

When drama or issues arise in one quad (e.g. moving, being disinvited to a wedding/bachelorette party or work stress), I can handle it because the other two quads are stable. I am then able to manage the disrupted quad and balance resumes.

The shit starts to hit the fan if TWO quads have drama/issues. That’s when the delicate balance is thrown off, and a feeling of sadness or depression can sit in. One quad cannot sustain the stress/drama of the others on its own. If this happens, I start to emotionally shut down and try to get through it to slowly regain the balance.

Now let’s make the trifecta a quad and add a boy in to the mix. I’ve found that the joy of a crush or “new boy” can balance out immediately any other stresses in my previous trifecta, because I’m so distracted by how much I like him. Sure, the other quad imbalances seep in to the all power boy crush quad but, overall, a text, smile or night out with a guy can restore the balance. Making out sure helps too.

But if/when the boy quad falls in to issues or drama, the joy goes away and trifecta that merged in to a square is shot to hell again and it takes time to re-establish the previous balance. Fortunately when my square got smashed, the friend/family quad was so strong and supportive, it made the re-adjustment easier.

You may think I’m totally crazy after reading this, but this is how I logistically explain my life balance.

And right now, I have a big disruption in one quad with a few blips in another. Clearly, the 3am phone in my brain is ready to ring saying, “Chicago, we have a problem.”

How do you handle stress?

09 May 2012

Sharing the same boob vision

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: shopping

If you’ve met me in real life or seen photos of me, you know that I have a set of knockers.

Yes, I mean boobs.

It’s hereditary and my genes gave with two hands of tissue to create mine. Lucky me.

My small-chested friends say they’re jealous but really the grass isn’t greener on the other side.

More boobs, more problems.

One of these problems includes finding supportive bras and, well even just fitting in some clothes. Some button down shirts make me look like I’m “hulking” out of them in the chest.

So, in talking to a fellow big chested friend, I decided it was time to invest in some new undergarments but was very clear about how I would survive this horrific shopping experience.

“I need to find someone with the same boob vision as me.”

Basically, this means finding a saleswoman who is also big chested so we’re speaking the same language.

I went to a fitting once at Nordstrom with a small chested woman and she literally said, “I don’t know what to do with you.”

They’re boobs dear, not grenades.

Then, a friend told me about another store in Chicago that specializes in fittings for women sizes A-N. Clearly, this caters to women who may also feel insecure about their chests, like I do.

The fitting took about an hour and the woman listened to my irrational insecurities and issues and then came back with a few to try on. She even complimented me on my “voluminous” chest. Well, thank you.

Finding bras when you’re full chested is not the sexiest feeling. Especially when you see magazine photos of women who look great in them, but it never translates to your chest.

That said, I found one that worked for me. Sure, it was expensive but if I’m going to keep this chest, I need to feel good about it, and this helped me feel that way.

Boobs are expensive yo, but finding someone who shares your boob vision is priceless.