16 May 2012

Dating double standard

By: Jessica B.

In dating or attempting to date, I find the following to be my pet peeves with guys:

  • A fun text exchange that suddenly ends without the other person saying something like “later”
  • Constantly asking if they’ve upset me or if I’m mad at them
  • Being aloof like they’re too cool or busy to talk
  • Going out with or stringing along me or someone else because they “need it” rather than because they like them

All of these items have happened to me. I hate that guys do it.

But I recently realized, hey do so girls. And by girls….I mean me.

(The second bullet does not apply here.)

Oh the painful reality check.

Now, I feel a little twinge of guilt every time I complain about this because I feel like I should say, “well turns out I’m a coward and do the same thing.”

There was a guy I was talking to for a little bit, who will be referred to as Emoticon Guy (it’s a step up from wellie fetish guy). Emoticon Guy was nice, sweet and talkative, but I knew I wasn’t really interested in him. But that didn’t stop me from stringing him a long a little bit without feeling an inch of remorse. He was persistent (I like that usually) but ultimately, I knew I just did not want to make out with him or even…make the time to hang out with him. I would rather hang out with my friends.

And rather than be an adult and tell him, I just stopped responding to his texts and eventually, he got the message. And when he sent the final text saying “I guess you don’t want to talk anymore…good luck,” I felt like a total asshole. In that moment, I was the model of the major thing I hate about dating.

This sounds awful, but immediately after, I thought about the times guys strung me along and disappeared and rather than text back a note that says “yeah I’m sorry,”  I just deleted him from my phone.




  1. allison says:

    Here’s the thing – both sexes are crazy.

    It’s a known fact but I think the emoticon is hilarious. I also had one of those, went on two dates, got several flirty emoticons, puked in my mouth and will say hi when I occassionally see him out.

  2. Marjolein says:

    Dating is simply crazy, so don’t feel too bad!

  3. Dating sucks.

    Thankfully, the few (and I mean VERY FEW) dates that I’ve been on, the guys have been great and very gentlemanly. it’s just the interactions in-between-dates that have been iffy. The last guy I dated, hardly ever wanted to communicate on the phone (the old-fashioned way), only by text.

    Then, when he decided he no longer wanted to see me, he stopped texting me. I finally texted him after a couple weeks went by, asking what he was up to and why I hadn’t heard from him and he was like “I’ve been around.” and that was that.

  4. LWLH says:

    Dating is a crazy battlefield to navigate.
    I’ve done that same scenario myself. The string and dump..I hate that I did it but you live and you learn

  5. i’m so bad that if i decide for whatever reason i don’t want to pursue the relationship after date 1/2 i just drop communication and stop responding to calls or texts. i know i should let them know i am no longer interested but i just don’t.

  6. I think I’ve often made guys pay for the mistakes their predecessors made. I would have no problem being an aloof bitch because I needed to “protect my heart” and guys seems to have no problem being assholes to me. I’m not certain I ever got out of the habit of that. I vaguely recall how things went down when I me CB. I was dating another guy too, but didn’t wanna tell him about CB because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and I didn’t know if CB was a jerk or not yet. So I was pretty aloof and even canceled a date so I could hang out with CB. I was pretty shady and even though I eventually broke the news to the other guy, I still felt like a jerk. All that to say, I guess it’s true that all’s fair in love and war. It’s annoying when people are shady in the game of love, but until someone commits, I guess we have to remember that for some, it’s just a game.

  7. I agree with the previous comment–the things that annoyed me most in relationship interactions were typically the things I was most guilty of myself! I’m incredibly non-confrontational, so I’d often just let things stall out with a guy without saying anything. But if a guy did that to me, I was FURIOUS!!

  8. I think the things that bug us about others often have a lot to do with what bugs us about ourselves (whether subconsciously or consciously). Plus, dating can bring out the crazy in all of us :)