I was actually going to title this, “the third wheel syndrome,” or “how to play nice with your friend’s boyfriend,” but decided to focus on something else, ha.
I’m in the “second wave” of friends getting married or meeting mates and my “first wave” friends are on baby #2 already, whoa. That first wave hit in my early 20s and now in my early 30s, the second wave is coming ashore.
But the second go around is more difficult, especially when you stay single.
The biggest mistake I made in wave one, which I partially blame on maturity, was that I didn’t want things with my friends who were dating/getting married to change.
And when your single friends’ status changes, inevitably, so does the friendship.
What changes? Well, depending how close you are, you don’t get as much girlfriend time because she now shares her time with someone else too. And keeping that balance can be tough because sometimes, she has to choose, you, him or her own time and you might not be the pick.
But that change doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
This time around, I’m learning from my past mistakes and realizing that to keep my friendship, I have to embrace the boyfriend or husband. That means inviting him along to events, or always planning on a +1 with her because it’s not just her anymore.
I would rather be the third wheel and include my friend’s beaus or spouses than lose spending time with them. And as happy as I am for them, the adjustment of stepping back a bit sucks. That’s just honest.
But losing people I care about due to that suckiness, is even worse.
Have you found that your friendships have changed for better or worse when their relationship status’ change?