25 June 2012

The list of things I’m too old for

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: Random

While having ladies night out last week, we were talking about stuff we were “too old” for. It was a rather hilarious list and mid-rant, my friend/coworker/travel soulmate Annie looked at me and said, “Jess you should blog about this!”

Well, Annie is a smart woman, and after thinking about it a bit more (plus with my birthday just two months away), I think she is right. Okay, I really don’t think I’m old, that’s said in jest.

And thus, below is my list of things I’ve decided I’m “too old for.”

  1. Girl drama
  2. Dry humping. Seriously, if we’re doing that, we want to do more, stop it or start it
  3. People who are consistently negative forces in my life
  4. Being unhappy (separate from the “bad” days)
  5. Jagermeister/Bacardi/Goldschlager. SO MUCH PAIN
  6. Back-less tops
  7. Non-Bermuda-length shorts
  8. Fish-face kisses. Shit is gross y’all
  9. Rager nights w/o a disco nap first
  10. Trying to make people who don’t like me, like me
  11. Staying in divey, dumpy hostels (ironically, that might be happening, not by my own choice)
  12. Being afraid. I know what I want. Time to be strong enough to go get it
  13. Chairs with no back support (that’s not comfortable at any age)
  14. Moshing. I just want to listen to the music!
  15. Liking or dating men who treat me badly
  16. Being painfully hungover. Although it does still happen (sometimes)

So some of the things on this list are more serious than others, but, I think they all apply.

What are you too old for?


  1. Mega says:

    Does that include saying “Thats what she said”? I hope you never feel too old for that.

    Also, drinking/drunk- I’ll never be too old for that. The difference now is doing it at some crowded bar versus sitting at home on the couch (or on your couch). Getting bossed while watching dumb TV for the win!

  2. A Super Girl says:

    I’m with you on the shorts, too. As in, I basically wear capris or pants or skirts all summer long. Sometimes I miss shorts, but yeah, definitely too old for that.

  3. Ah, so true on the short shorts… I just donated all of mine and wasn’t too sorry to see them go. Clothes shopping at places like H&M and Forever 21 has gotten harder because I see so many adorable things but then realize I am WAY too old for them!

  4. Paula says:

    I’m too old for clubbing. Mind you, I’ve felt like that for about 10 years now.

  5. Great list! The only one I break are the bermuda shorts one as I’m too short for those. I’d look like an Oompa Loompa!

  6. katelin says:

    i am much too old for hangovers as i’ve learned the hard way. i mean there’s just no easy road to recovery any more, haha. also i’m too old for shot, i just can’t. and same with drama. nothing good can come of negative people and drama.

    excellent list!

  7. Jessica says:

    This list is great, I can relate to ALL of them. hahaha.

  8. Erin says:

    Hahahahaha, this list is awesome! The other things the commenters have added are great, too. I totally agree on being too old for futons. And staying up until 2AM (or later) to party.

    Other things I’m too old for? Wasting my time on a bad book. Driving more than 4-6 hours. And bad wine.

  9. Lacey Bean says:

    Parties that start at 10pm or later.
    The middle seat on a plane.

  10. jen says:

    dancing like i used to, staying up past midnight on a weekday, agree on the backless tops, eating junk food – goes straight to flab now, swearing like a sailor in public, getting zits – yet i still get them, shopping at forever 21 for sure, drinking bud light/miller light by choice…my birthday is in a few days and i’m hosting a throw back hip hop dance party to relive those ridiculous days. might just end up being really embarrassing. we’ll see…

  11. Girl Drama for sure. Never was one for it in my younger days and certainly not now as a 30+. In someways I think I would need to add “Feeling guilty for being happy.” I work really hard for everything I have; both from a materialistic perspective and within my family/social relationships. I shouldn’t feel bad for having a good life at this point.

  12. jaime says:

    yup gotta agree.. this one is so great: 5.Jagermeister/Bacardi/Goldschlager. SO MUCH PAIN ha!

    I would add saying “yes” to everything- and i mean everything…sometimes you gotta be selfish and say “no.” ;)

  13. Katie says:

    On How I Met Your Mother they called this the “Murtaugh List” after the character in Lethal Weapon who said, “I’m too old for this shit.” Mine includes having my parents pay for things, getting drunk, clubbing, and thinking that calories don’t count.

  14. allison says:

    you had me at backless tops! I used to rock those in high school.

    1) puke and rally. can’t do it like i used to.
    2) sugary shots. bad idea all around.

    p.s. #2 – dry humping?!? hahahahah

  15. Alexa - Cleveland's a Plum says:

    1. Wearing uncomfortable shoes
    2. Doing shots that end in bomb
    3. Cheap champagne
    4. Being a bridesmaid
    5. Shopping at forever 21 for anything other than cheap accessories

  16. Ha, I love this list and agree with it! I would also add clothing with words that go across my bottom, eating crappy fast food as my stomach hates me afterwards, and staying in a relationship that I know isn’t right for me because it was less scary than being alone.