05 July 2012

He’s just not that in to texting you

By: Jessica B.

I love texting. It’s easy, fast and keeps me from having to talk on the phone on a regular basis.

But there is a dark side to texting.

I text with just about everyone. Blog friends, family, coworkers, IRL friends, etc.

But the people who make me want to pull my hair out in text-induced frustration are boys. Boys I know, am friends with, am or was “hanging out” with. Every.single.one.


Because of the “boy texting black hole.”

Here is what usually happens:

  • Text conversation is initiated by me or the boy
  • Texting continues for an undetermined about of time on a regular basis of back and forth
  • Text conversation is initiated again with no closure or reference to past conversation (even though it’s in the history)

At first, I feared the boy is laying dead on a sidewalk, unable to call or text 9-1-1, or he fell asleep, or he has been attacked by a swarm of pigeons and his phone was damaged while trying to protect “the moneymaker,” aka his face.

Male text etiquette like this, where they drop off the face of the earth…drives.me.fucking.insane.

To be fair, some women do this too, but in my experience, it’s more prevalent with guys.

Recently, I’ve been on a complaining rampage about this my female/male friends and I cannot come up with a logical answer.

Until last night when my platonic male life partner Ryan heard me out and said, “we drop off because we’re bored.”


It was like a light bulb turned on. Of course, I questioned him further.

Him: “We’re not necessarily bored with you as a person, just that conversation, so we stop responding so we don’t have to talk anymore.”

Me: “And you don’t think that saying, ‘hey I have to go’ would do the same thing?

Him: “Maybe but we just don’t do that.”

And while I wanted to punch him in the face, it made perfect sense.

I’ll admit I can be a little bit of a “feeler,” despite the cold exterior and the idea that someone is bored and would rather drift off than close a conversation, kind of pisses me off.

But finding logic in this is like finding logic in a Pauly Shore movie.

Now that I know, I look at those text conversations in a new light. He’s just not that in to texting me. NOTED.



  1. Adam says:

    Hahaha this is so true! Although sometimes the girl texts something and you can’t really think of anything to text back so you wait and forget.

  2. Elizabeth says:

    I guess I’m like a guy texter then? It’s not that I get bored; I just get distracted by other things and it ends up being days before I get back, which I know is a TOTAL breach!

  3. Kayta says:

    My man does this and it used to drive me up the wall… until, I started doing it! And it really truly is just a matter of being bored of the conversation and too lazy to say bye. Horrible!

  4. Kez says:

    Guys are so frustrating (as I’m sure they think women are)!! Their minds work on strange logic. Communicating clearly and effectively seems a struggle for SOME of them. Why don’t they ever just say, “Let’s change the subject?” or “Gonna go now – talk to you soon.”
    Weird. It’s funny when they’re texting each other – they understand the bro code on that method of communicating and it’s so weird!

  5. Paula says:

    The same seems to apply to tweets as well. I recently was sort of seeing a boy and after it ended he stopped texting but he still pops up on my twitter to comment – but it’s always him who just vanishes mid-banter, only to reappear again to comment on something else i say, either later that same day or days later, without reference to the previous conversation…

  6. this is both enlightening and a little ego-crushing. because they’re BORED?! I mean it makes sense but OUCH.

    My mom truly hates the idea that guys who are supposedly interested in me would text/FB message me. she says that a really interested guy would call me.

  7. Huh. Wow. I’d never really thought about that before, though I definitely have some guy friends (and a lovely husband) who do the SAME THING sometimes with that. I know W has an excuse with his sorry phone and all… but it’s interesting now to think about those guys who just stop responding because they’re bored.

    I suppose this is the next generation of He’s Just Not that Into You?

    Also, I think you’re fabulous. This post proves that. And I’ll return your texts. ;)

  8. LWLH says:

    I am horrible at texting and listening to voicemails. I set my phone down and just….well forget.

  9. jaime says:

    this is enlightening! lol. my mom always says to me how she thinks texting has basically ruined dating lol and she insists that the right guy for me will be the one who actually calls. hasnt happened yet….lol

  10. Marjolein says:

    Maybe part of it is also not being able to multitask: something else comes up and they just don’t think of closing off the text conversation.

  11. RebeccaC says:

    My husband does this to me all the time. Bored, busy or both. Don’t read too much into it. I figured out a long time ago that it’s not personal.

  12. I used to really hate this about dating. So frustrating. It got to the point where I would be very discriminant about my texts. I would space them out over the course of a few hours, as to not appear too eager. But honestly, now that I’m with CB, I go thru the same thing. I’ll send him texts or messages that I deem important and worthy of response and he doesn’t. He’s just not that into texting. So, if my live-in boyfriend gets bored texting me I’d say there’s pretty much no hope for any man. Lol.

  13. Ashalah says:

    OMG THIS. THIS THIS THIS. It drives me batshit up the wall CRAZY when guys do this!

    I’m going to have to remember this in the future. And that some people just don’t like texting as much as I do. Sigh.

  14. allison says:

    OMG. I’m the guy when texting guys too. I get bored, so I stop texting back……

    I don’t think this bodes well for my future relationships…..