17 December 2012

That certain click

By: Jessica B.

This weekend while talking to a friend from out of town, we got on the subject of relationships and how you know if you’re in love.

I may be bad at relationships but I am good with advice.

And what I told her is this: there is no one way you know. You just….do. And how you know comes in many forms, from a lightening bolt to slow realization to it feeling like it’s second nature.

When I was in love, I was fortunate enough to have a lightening bolt-like realization. I just knew. And while it hurt like hell when it stopped, I remember that clear distinction that the guy I was seeing changed in to the guy I loved.

And this lightening bolt realization has come with friends too. There is a small handful of people I’ve felt an immediate click with, knowing I had to get to know them because somehow, they’ll be important to me, even if they leave my life down the road.

And hearing my friend unsure how to express if she had a similar situation, I gave one more piece of advice, which I also gave to someone else years ago.

In my opinion, knowing if you love someone isn’t always about one moment. But maybe it’s about the sum of those parts. It’s realizing that while this guy may not be the best lover or funniest guy you’ve dated, that he makes you feel complete more than anyone else has. You can’t wait to see them or tell them something and you always think of them when you have news to share.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Have you ever just “known” or had a connection with someone?


  1. katelin says:

    i couldn’t agree with you more. i definitely get that “click” feeling and just know when i meet certain people that we should or will be friends, ha.

  2. Marjolein says:

    (oh and please excuse my spelling errors, not a native speaker and I don’t use English that much any more unfortunately)

  3. Marjolein says:

    I think the advise you gave your friend is dead on.
    When I met the boy (we were teenagers) who is now my husband, we both ‘knew’ immediately. And it’s not a traditional, rational way of knowing either, it’s just something you realise without any elaborate thinking about whether he’s the one.

  4. C.L. says:

    That’s what I said to you the other day! You are good at giving advice! :)

    However, there is a difference in being in love and loving someone. That last paragraph – Yes that is how you feel when you love someone. But I think being IN love is something more than that. It is deeper. It is something you feel with your entire heart and soul. It is an instinct that turns your world upside down. It is when you would do absolutely anything and everything for that person because you can’t imagine life without him/her beside you. I felt all of that with my ex, I loved him but I don’t think I was IN love with him.

  5. It took a long time for us to find our way to actually be together. A lot of life had to happen but I knew with B really soon. Because it was just the way we were with each other. The way he could just look at me I knew. The way we could talk. The way we cared about things. Even if we never found our way together, even if we don’t make it together. He will always be someone I love with all my heart.

  6. Jenn says:

    You are full of good advice.

    On Saturday night, when I was sleeping on the bathroom floor (because, you know), the manfriend laid down next to me. I asked him what the hell he was doing, and he said “making myself comfortable.” He was going to sleep there until I felt good enough to go to bed. I might have been sick, but I think we had a moment there. I told him the next morning that if we get married, I’m putting that story in my wedding vows.

  7. I feel the same way…there’s been one guy where I just knew (and still feel that way about him). but I find it a little heartbreaking if the feeling is not reciprocated because then it’s like, “is it really love?” and it somewhat hinders you (or someone) in the next relationship.

  8. Oh, man. I have been there, wondering if I felt it. Thinking I should by then. Feeling the weight of his feelings on my shoulders. Getting lost in overthinking it all. In retrospect, when I really felt it, I never wondered. I just knew.