03 January 2013

The Dream Man evolution

By: Jessica B.

Woot woot, Single Girl Confidential is back again with its first entry of 2013!! You know the drill, Arielle is over here, blogging with her perspective of today’s topic, which is the Dream Man evolution.

When I was 22 or 23, I knew exactly what my Dream Man looked like. Tall, dark, handsome, funny, not married, not too many past girlfriends or emotional baggage, at least 5′ 4″, good teeth, doesn’t bite his nails, nice eyes, nice arms, good person, etc. I’m sure there were more criteria but I cannot think of the rest right now.

And I’m pretty sure, if a guy didn’t meet most of that list, I wouldn’t go out with him because it was a waste of time. There was no way he was for me.

Well, that approach didn’t work out so well and now that I’m older, a little more seasoned and more mature, I realized when Arielle and I were talking about posts for this series, how much my idea of a Dream Man evolved.

I’m not sure why in my 20s I was so focus on specific and very detailed attributes of guys that I wanted to date. Maybe because I thought I was young enough and had plenty of time to meet Mr. Right, so why not be a little selective.

And now that I’m older, my Dream Man has evolved because after dating more, I realized what’s important. It’s not always just the nit picky superficial things, it’s the person as a whole. I may have a “type” but found that dating guys outside of it, was a better fit, even if those relationships didn’t work out.

And rather than put myself in a box of “this is the only guy you’re attracted to,” it’s good to let that evolve based on the good guys you meet and date rather than try to retrofit one in to the guy you think you want.

So now I’m more open to what my Dream Man could be, but yes, there still is a few criteria for him (in no particular order):

  • Financially stable
  • Treats me nicely
  • Loves me for me
  • Has goals and dreams for his future

I don’t think that’s too much to ask right?

Single Girl Confidential signing off for now.

 

11 Comments

  1. i just agreed to go out with someone who lists his height on his online dating profile as only 1 inch taller than me. Which means in reality he’s probably an inch shorter than me.
    But he seems nice and funny and like he has a decent job, so what the hell right?

    maybe my height requirements have been holding me back all these years…

  2. nora says:

    I had a list of specifics too and wound up meeting (and marrying) Knight who didn’t have two of my must-haves. Funny how that works out, I guess?

    My list when I was younger is very similar to your list, too. And I don’t think what you are asking for now is too much to ask for at all. I do think he should love to travel as much as you do, too :)

  3. Louise says:

    Great read. During my younger years, I’m not that faithful to only one guy. But when I met my husband, I’ll stick to him like a glue.

  4. allison says:

    is it too cliche to say that he needs to have a wicked sense of humor? because he does.

  5. Like you, I had a crazy list of aspects of my “dream man” when I was younger… and as I grew up a bit more, I realized that many of the things I felt were SO important fell by the wayside and a few pillars — namely, loving me for me and treating me kindly and with respect — stood alone.

    It’s funny how our perspective changes, and I think it’s an important evolution. If 16-year-old me (or even 21-year-old me) was writing a list, and I stuck to it in choosing my man? I’d be in trouble today!

  6. Paula says:

    I think, of your current list, 2 and 3 are definitely the keys. The other requirements are understandable but if you had 1 and 4 without the middle ones it would be useless, whereas I think 2 and 3 count more on their own…

    Good luck with your search though! :-)

  7. Marjolein says:

    I think your list is very realistic. I would for myself add ‘able to work out differences of opinion’ there.

  8. While there are a few things I’d love to have in a boyfriend I’m not going to discount someone because they don’t meet the specific criteria I used to have. Over 6′, athletic, college degree…(Meeting them in person – online dating, whole different story!)

    But yea – the 22 year old me had a lot of ideas about who I’d date and the 27 year old me is being more open. But as long they are a good person, treats me well and has life goals – I’ll give them a try!

  9. I guess I’m still in that immature part of my twenties because my list is kinda long especially when it comes to ‘non-negotiables.’ I do know that I need to ease up on some things in order to be willing to meet more people but I’m having a hard time doing so

  10. Arielle says:

    Your post is so much more mature than mine! Haha. Though I do agree with everything you said and I think if I took it more seriously I too would have focused on attributes like being financially stable, knowing how to communicate, and things like that. As always, love it. =)

  11. suki says:

    I think we focus on specifics when we’re younger because those are “nice to have” and characteristics of specific people that we envision ourselves with. As we grow older, we prioritize differently. :) When I met the bf (now going on 4+ years), he was not financially stable, but it was something that happened over time… You can change financial status, but you can’t change whether or not a guy respects you and will treat you right.

 

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