06 March 2013

Flip side to being single

By: Jessica B.

Woot woot, it’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for another installment in Arielle and my infinite-part series, Single Girl Confidential.

You can check out Arielle’s post here, and below is my contribution to our topic today: the flip side to being single.

When Arielle and I created SGC, our goal was to talk about being single in a kick-ass, positive, uplifting way, because there is nothing wrong with being single and it should be celebrated.

But when we planned our posts, we realized that while we view singledom in a positive light, we had to tell both sides of the story.

So here is my side of the story.

I have been single for much longer than I’ve been in relationships. And while I am okay with that…sometimes, I’m not.

As I’ve gotten older and the second wave of my friends have met people, gotten married or had first and second babies, I sometimes feel, well, bummed and left behind.

My friends who are married or dating are great about including me and never treating me like a third wheel, but sometimes, you can’t help but feel like the “single friend” that tags along, or like it would be easier if there was a fourth to just, round out the group.

Maybe, if I’m being candid, it’s feeling like I don’t have the connection my couples friends do. The bond, the friendship, the overall, just…connection they have together. I have connections with my friends, even the guy ones, but it’s not the same. And sometimes, seeing it in front of me, makes me a little envious. I would never just date someone to have that, but after being out on two occasions recently with couple friends making out in front of me in public, yeah, it’s kind of right in your face.

And it’s even feeling a little down about being single for the silly things. Someone to tell about my day, help me hang pictures, kill bugs, replace light bulbs go out for a spontaneous drink with or even, just hold hands with after a long day, or give a hug to say it’ll be okay.

Sometimes, I miss those things, even though I am comfortable being single.

But, I’m still me, still complete on my own and ready to face whatever is down the road for me, +1 or not :)

Single Girl Confidential signing off for now.


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  2. allison says:

    So I’m the opposite because I’ve been in relationships longer than being single, which I could argue was part of my problem. BUT I think I fixed that and am slowlllllly starting to feel more comfortable dating. Just dating and we see each other than we do and if we see each other once a week, that’s fantastic. And we don’t, that’s also fantastic because this girl has lots to do!

  3. Steph T. says:

    Ahhh, yes, the advantages/disadvantages to being single. So, at 42 years old, I’m obviously very comfortable being single and I’ve come to expect that I may spend the rest of my life as a “singleton”. Advantages: I just picked up and moved from Chicago to Massachusetts for a job that has me traveling about every other month for a couple of weeks at a time. There was no one to take into consideration in making the move, there is no one to care that I am gone for weeks at a time, there is no disagreement about where to live. Basically, it’s all about me. Disadvantages: I have to make sure everything gets taken care of before I leave (bills paid, mail stopped, etc.), I am still not unpacked and settled because I’ve been on the go since arriving here Oct 1st. No one to miss me…yes, that would be kind of nice. I got really sick after my last trip and was bed ridden for a week…there was no one to take care of me. No one to tell me that everything will be okay after a particularly bad day.

    So, yes…I completely see your point. It’s actually funny, because people always compliment me on how independent I am and how I just go after what I want. Someone recently asked me how I did it…I said, “I don’t know any different. I have always taken care of things of myself, to have someone to depend on would actually be foreign to me.”

  4. Hey, there’s a flipside to everything – it’s great you’re so honest in sharing that!
    I remember feeling the same. Hey, I have even felt it while being married! It’s not just a single thing – it’s also a circumstance thing! My husband used to work away regularly in the mining industry. He’d be away in remote locations at least every second week. I would turn up to everything alone (the odds always were that he’d be away when the good events were on)! I felt like an odd person out. I had to look after me. It was hard to get him on the phone at times (too remote and his hours were crazy).
    I think it’s character building :) There’s a positive! Learning to be independent (and KNOWING you can be), that you don’t depend on a partner for you to have an active social life or to be with you every second of the day is priceless. When you do meet a special someone, you’ll know it’s because you CHOSE them, not because you NEEDED them to fill a void.

  5. Arielle says:

    I hear you! Especially on the killing bugs and other things around the house, ha! I would def love to have a guy around to do that. I love that we did these honest posts, and I love YOU, lady.

  6. Rebecca_C says:

    Married with a kid confidential: sometimes I wish everyone would leave me the hell ALONE. Don’t need me, don’t want me, don’t touch me. Grass is always greener I guess. LOL. Miss you. xoxo