Lately, I’ve been thinking about closure. Closure is a tough and funny thing.
The hardest part of closure is knowing that you’re closing one chapter (maybe one that you don’t want to end) and opening another, which is unknown, can be scary, and makes you vulnerable.
Especially when that closure comes from a decision that’s not yours.
When I know the end of something is upon me, I tend to have this overwhelming urge to hang on to what is there now and what was there in the past. Closure is the real end. Not the end where you think it’s done but have hope and a nagging feeling that lingers in the back of your mind. It’s the real end, where this person leaves and you know you won’t see them again and the promises of keeping in touch may actually just be a Band-Aid to make the news that much easier.
Closure is the real end where you are forced to really move on and not hold on to a baby, teeny, miniscule part of your brain that says, hey maybe things will work out. You never know?
You do know, now. And it won’t end the way you wanted it too.
Lately, I’ve been feeling a lot of emotions about closure. All of them sad, bittersweet and scared at the same time, and all of them make me wonder what is next.
And right now, I feel okay. Sad, but okay. And I’m letting myself feel that still now and for the next few days. And then, it will be time to slowly start to let go and look ahead to what is next.
Closure is a funny thing, because as much as it hurts, it has to be a sign that maybe you’ll be that much more free at the end.