No, I’m not making this up. I’ve told a few IRL friends about this and for a while, I debated whether or not to post it here. But, now, it’s funny and really should be shared.
A long time ago, I was spending time with a guy I liked a lot. Liked him RULL HARD. I just loved talking to him, spending time with him and yeah, kissing him. It was the kind of kisses that make you feel like you’re on fire (in a good way) and just like cannot get enough.
And then I got mouth herpes, aka cold sores. From him.
It started out with an innocent “hey want to come over and watch some football?” and then the polite small talk of “hey want a beer” and moved to an awkward silence broken only by him tackling me and commencing a kissing session. Game on.
And yeah, it was nice. But at one point, it got a little more physical and he bit my lip. In that moment, I was fine with it. But then after we stopped and I am in a cab home with a little fuzzy feeling, I start noticing my lip is swelling. And not like a little bit. Like…A LOT.
Panicked, I put ice on it and take some Benadryl, in case I’m having an allergic reaction.
Cut to the next morning, mouth still swollen and it literally feels like someone is lighting a match in my inner lip. I cannot even BEGIN to describe to you how painful this was.
Nothing worked to alleviate the pain. So, sheepishly, I asked a friend if she knew what was wrong. I explained the situation, showed her my lip, her eyes got really wide and then, she smiled. “Dude, you have a giant cold sore. You need to get to the doctor.”
Doctor. And doctor visit means copay.
But I went, showed my doctor my mouth, and when she asked how I got this (after NEVER having a cold sore before), I told her, and she started laughing too.
And then I got a prescription for Valtrex, which I had to fill at the CVS near my work. When I went to pick it up, I wore my sunglasses and tried to cover my face “Cousin It” style.
It took a week for the feeling of my mouth being lit on fire to go away. And I never told that guy what happened. I was too embarrassed and I was afraid that if I told him, he wouldn’t like me anymore. That’s how much I liked him. He asked why I was “sick” after we hung out and I looked him right in the eye and said, “viral infection.” Seems close, right?
I have a refill still on that Valtrex prescription too, so just in case, I’m set for next time. WHICH I HOPE NEVER HAPPENS.
So that is the story of how I got mouth herpes and had the most expensive makeout. EVER.