29 October 2013

A little whining about dating

By: Jessica B.

I don’t know what happened, but ever since I got back from my trip, love is in the air…for everyone but me.

Okay, disclaimer: I own up to the fact that I haven’t been trying as hard to meet guys. Between Portland and Europe, and some other things going on personally, I haven’t been really trying.

Back to a little whining.

Since I got back, almost all of my previously single friends, have met someone. Or has a serious crush on someone or get getting some lovin’ from someone.


And here’s the thing. I love, love. I’m happy for my friends, who are all fabulous people, and who deserve to be happy and with someone who treats them as the lovely people they are.

Seeing them happy, makes me happy, and when I meet the boyfriend or girlfriend, I’m genuinely excited and always polite.

But then there’s the dark part of my brain. The one who can’t help but ask, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I find someone? Even when I was trying, it wasn’t happening, or wasn’t the right guy, time, etc.

I do really believe that timing is everything, but I’m tired of it not being MY TIME.

And, yeah, I’m a little sad to be losing more single friends, because no matter what they say (cough, the lie that they don’t ditch friends when they get in a relationship), things do change.

At a particular low point, when another friend told me she met someone, it took every ounce of strength not to burst out crying. I mean, I was still happy for her, but the dark part took over temporarily. So I had that shame spiral in private, staring at myself in the mirror thinking, “what is it that makes me so unattractive to men?”

I know that’s not productive, or the point, or even in the same realm of what is happening with my friends, but, it’s there.

So, there is no real resolution to this post. It’s just to say, love is in the air!



  1. you’re allowed to get upset and have feelings of sadness but also happiness for your friends. i did that for pretty much my whole life before meeting CK. that being said it only takes finding that ONE person to make it all click, and your person is out there!

    i love your honesty.

  2. Nora says:

    I think we all have a dark part of the brain that we go to with some aspect of our lives… for me it’s fitness/dieting and comparing myself to everyone else’s bodies.

    Also, if you want to bring guys to my house who have been idiots, I’m happy to smack them upside the head for you and say “whatsamatteryou?” like my Italian Grandma would say it =)

  3. katelin says:

    That dark part is totally allowed. I’ve definitely felt the same way in regards to friends getting pregnant who I know have been trying and I keep asking “when’s it going to be my time??”

    It sucks.

    But really, you’re still the bestest and the most lovely and hopefully all the guys realize that soon! :)


  4. jaime says:

    I felt this way for a solid 2 years when my friends were all getting engaged and married (and I was in all of their weddings!!), and it was really tough to shake myself out of the “woe is me” feeling. The best thing to do is put yourself out there- as much as you can- even if you’re not motivated. I think the cliche “it happens when you aren’t looking” isn’t exactly true. It happens when you least expect it, but when you are still loooking. If that makes sense? lol

  5. Caz says:

    Ugh tell me about it!!! I haven’t been “looking” either (looking for a job is a higher priority!!) but it’s the same here and super annoying. Hang in there :-)

  6. Arianne says:

    There is absolutely no shame in feeling your own emotions, and no need to justify them. I’m pretty sure Beyonce has a song for this somewhere in her repertoire… ;)