It has been a year.
And the truth is, I don’t know how to commemorate it. And I don’t know how to talk about it, other than just say, hey, here’s what happened. I look back at what things were like a year ago and see how far I’ve come, but also how much more I have to go still. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
I feel more solid now, still shaky and unsure about some things, but more stable. More in tune with what lead to it happening, and why I acted the way I did after.
Last year at this time, I feel in to a bad depression. One where the anger and frustration that I tried to keep a lid on, imploded, and it took me under.
And I could not get out of it.
I didn’t want to hurt myself, but I knew something was wrong when I stared in the mirror and wanted to cut off all of my hair. And then, I went to an event with friends, drank too much and the feelings that pulled me under tried to come out and led to me getting completely out of control.
And that whole time, I never asked for help. Or told anyone. Because I was embarrassed and scared that they wouldn’t help me. And when I finally could/did tell them, some were more supportive than others. It was a huge learning experience.
And I finally did get out of it, but it’s taken a long time to come back to feeling like me, and do things to keep that from (hopefully) happening again.
One year later, one year better.
So, I don’t know how to close off comments in WP, so they’re open but the reason I shared this is part of my new blogging policy about honesty, both good and bad. So hopefully you guys will be supportive too.