Archive for January 2014

27 January 2014

What you deserve

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: Random

Disclaimer: I’m talking about feelings in this one.

As part of the new year, I’ve been thinking about my goals and changes I want to make to keep me on the good path that I’ve set forth for myself. This means addressing my issues, dealing with my depression and trying to find out who the real JB is and what she wants.

And one topic that’s come up in this journey has been about what I deserve, and what I want.

I’m not a selfish person. I give. I love deeply, feel intensely and dream big. But, when it comes to thinking about me and what I want, I am a little stinted in my growth.

Growing up, I spent so much time worried about others. What they thought, how they felt and how I could keep them close. Sometimes, that meant being loyal to or loving those who didn’t deserve it, or didn’t give back. And I took what I could because it was better than nothing.

But now, what I’ve been seeing on my road to wherever it takes me, is that those relationships only gave me crumbs of love, affection and friendship. And while that can be temporary, sometimes, that’s just who people are. And knowing how I feel and love and care, they take, rather than offer a shred of what I do back to me.

So I’m settling for crumbs when I deserve so much more.

I deserve someone who loves me for me. And I deserve friends who are really there for me and reciprocate friendship. I don’t want the fade in and out, I want someone who is there and present.

And in evaluating some relationships in my life, that means cutting some people loose. One of which, is bittersweet. It took a lot of thinking and counsel from my closest friends to put myself first and what is best for me. They reminded me that there is so much to love about me and that I deserve that, in addition to want that myself.

So I said goodbye to someone I loved a long time ago but only got crumbs from after. And a certain point, I just had to stop.

Because for the first time in a LONG time, I love me more. And I deserve more.

Realizing what you deserve is liberating, but cutting those loose who don’t align with it, is harder. But only for now.

 

 

26 January 2014

New favorite weekend activity

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: Food

Breakfast was never my jam (pun!)

Sure I would eat breakfast but it mostly consisted of a granola bar, piece of fruit or whatever else I could get my hands on. It just wasn’t the most important meal of the day. In fact, when I travel, dinner is the only time I really SIT down to eat.

But, with me starting to run, turns out breakfast is really important. Learned that after I nearly passed out at the gym on the treadmill because I was running on an empty stomach.

So despite my previous hesitation to make and eat breakfast, I started coming around to it. And now, it’s one of my favorite weekend morning activities.

Yes, I get up, get coffee going and make breakfast. And then I sit in the living room w/the TV off, no music and read while eating.

It.is.heaven.

Okay, I’ll admit I don’t mix up a lot of what I make, but now I’ve added a little serving tray to escort my breakfast in to the living room and I feel so fancy!

Guess old habits can change :)

20 January 2014

Golden Globes Fashion Recap (very late)

By: Jessica B.

Eeek yes this is a week late but, things have been a little crazy IRL. But not in a bad way (shockingly).

So the Golden Globes were last week and I had red wine, smores and pizza ready to go. It’s like treat yo self, award ceremony style.

You guys know me well enough to know I love award shows so let’s dive in! (Photos can be found at Mashable, The Wrap and Gossip Center).

My Favorites

Lupita Nyong’o – FLAWLESS from head to toe. Stunning shade of red, perfect fit and perfect minimalist jewelry. Amazing.

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Margot Robbie – First, I’ve seen her naked in Wolf of Wall Street so I feel like since we’re intimate buddies, she gets a pass. Plus I love the jewels on the dress

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Cate Blanchett – Always taking risks and the frothy, light nature of the dress just was stunning

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Olivia Wilde – Kerry needs to take note because this is pregnancy awards wear done right

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Julianna Margulies – Love the simple gold detail on this dress. Plus she made fun of Seacrest for bitching about the 50 degree weather in LA. Love you girl!

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Needs Improvement

Kerry Washington – Drab, boring and the worst half-vest. Olivia Pope would be disappointed (and wearing opera length gloves)

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Jennifer Lawrence – I still want to be her BFF but this is just boring. I could recreate it with a sheet and two large black bands and/or bungee cords

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Zoe Saldana – Just because a designer calls and says this dress is for you, doesn’t mean you should wear it. Also, to quote Gloria, “it’s like the scraps from a sale bin.” Truth

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Lena Dunham – Great color, bad fit and her boobs are begging to be flopping around like they do on Girls. Just..no

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Paula Patton – This is just too easy. But, I can’t decide if it’s a gill or a sperm. Both are valid options. That said, she’s still married to Robin Thicke so maybe that thing is a “fuck you” to all of us

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Honorable fashion high fives go to Emma Watson in pants and Julia Roberts making menswear meets red carpet.

And, Amy and Tina yet again killed it. Too bad that out of a 3 hour show (okay, 2 hours 15 minutes with commercials), Amy and Tina were ONLY on for 16 minutes. Such a waste!

Anyhow, hope you guys enjoyed the show too.

 

 

 

 

08 January 2014

Sons of Anarchy

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: television

One word: Addicted.

Last holiday season, while my regular shows were on hiatus, I surrendered myself to Breaking Bad, and emerging a huge fan, although late to the game.

This year, it was Sons of Anarchy, and holy fucking shit it is GOOD. Gritty, violent, dirty and awesome, with LOTS of tattoos and facial hair. And normally that stuff isn’t my thing when I’m attracted to guys but I want ALL of the sexy time with Jax Teller.

In fact, I burned through all five seasons on Netflix within two weeks AND am now searching for the current season online….illegally (don’t judge).

I don’t know what it is about this show but I cannot get enough. Sure, I nearly spit out my breakfast when Otto bit off his own tongue (yeah, you saw it), covered my eyes when someone was shot in the head, and then a couple had sex next to the body (I mean, when you’re in the mood…) and shuddered at a brutal prison scene.

The thing I love about shows like this (similar to Friday Night Lights and Breaking Bad) is that you end up caring about the characters. You may not like what they do, but you get it, and you root for them.

So, on Saturday when a very sad thing happened in season 5 of SOA, I texted my brother and Katelin (also super fans) crying, and then cried to my brother over the phone. Seriously you guys. ALL OF THE FEELINGS.

If you haven’t started watching yet, please do!! First season is a little slow but then it picks up, and it’s great.

Game on FX.

06 January 2014

New Years Do Over

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: Random

In case you haven’t heard, the weather in the Midwest has been pretty crazy over the last two weeks. Warm! Snow! More snow! Then FREEZING TEMPS! Basically it’s like an extreme weather disaster movie around here, or it feels like we’re being set up for one.

So with that, I’m filing an application to get a “do over” on 2014.

I set pretty loose but direct goals for 2014, things I want to do to better myself professionally, personally and perhaps romantically, and while we’re only six days in to the new year, it’s gotten off to a little bit of a bumpy start.

This insane weather has kept me holed up in my apartment for several days (yes, some working), but that’s way too much time to keep someone like me indoors and limited in activities.

That means, when I get bored and/or need a break from Sons of Anarchy episodes, I tend to think and obsess about stuff. It’s a bad habit. And the last few days of living in my head and marinating myself in feelings have made me go absolutely crazy, and set me back a bit in some of my 2014 goals.

Now, tomorrow is supposed to be -34 with the wind chill in the morning, but I’m basically forcing myself to go to work (when we could work from home) because a) I cannot stop snacking b) I NEED TO BE AROUND PEOPLE and c) I cannot be in my house anymore. Even with a cute work station set up and dedicated couch-time lunch break, I need to get back in to a routine after a rough holiday season and start to feel like me again.

So, if you see me out and about tomorrow bundled in a scene not too unlike this from A Christmas Story, and dancing around to keep blood flowing, just beep and wave hi, I’m good.

Let’s start 2014 again shall we?