Archive for January 2014

01 January 2014

2014

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: Random

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and celebration last night (in whatever form you like).

Last New Years Day, I wrote a post titled 2013, which was painful, but needed. Today, I re-read that post, cried and wanted to hug the woman I was then because I see now how broken and unhappy she was. How badly she needed to make changes in her life, and was holding on to hope that she could do it because if not, I don’t know what would have happened to her.

Fast forward one year later, and also in re-reading that post, I see how far I’ve come since then.

2013 was all about change and fortunately, that happened, but still with some low points (and high ones too!)

Highs: Running, completing two 5Ks, an 8K and 10K, Spain, Germany and Ireland, getting a new assignment at work that has been really positive so far

Lows: Running-related injuries that were painful (and expensive), some work items and depression, which I finally talked about here.

And unfortunately, that depression (although not as bad as it was a year ago), has woven itself through some of those highs, rattling my cage a bit and testing the strength I was trying to re-develop. And sometimes, it still does rattle me, but I have ways that I’m proactively addressing it, instead of letting it knock me down and threaten to swallow me whole again.

After sharing here what happened more than a year ago, I got an email from a friend, who said, that in recovering from depression, the pieces of who you were never fully fit back together again.

That is true. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

My theme last year was to “get back to me.” Well, I can’t fully get back to the way I was because you never really are the same anymore. So rather than focus on “feeling like me,” I’ve started with feeling….okay.

And right now, I am. I feel content, happy, challenged, healthy (minus the two giant cinnamon rolls I just ate) and strong. Sure, I still have days of being sad, or frustrated, but I have other things in my life now that help me refocus. It’s not always perfect, but it’s something.

So 2014 is all about continuing those changes and continuing to be true to me and what I want.

Happy 2014!!!