08 May 2014

Cropdusting

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: gym

Yes, I’m dedicating a post to farts.

Running is a really hard sport on your body. Your stomach turns in to a cement mixer and god know what will happen to it when you are out on a run. Bodily functions become a loose cannon sometimes and you just don’t know what’s gonna happen.

And no, I’m not talking about explosive #2′s while running, but cropdusting, aka farts.

There is a serious cropdusting issue at my gym lately and it is killing me. Can you die from inhaling too many potent farts at the gym? I don’t know, but I feel like I might be able to test that soon.

I accept that I’m in the line of fart fire when I use the elliptical machines right behind the treadmills in the mornings, but sweet mother of Jesus, you have to hold it in sometimes. I don’t know what these guys are eating the night before (or morning of), but the smell is like curry in a diaper that has been left out in the sun, or something.

I’ve almost gagged a few times, and begged for mercy out loud. I have mixed up where I work out in the line of machines and even tried breathing in to a towel for parts of my workout but the smell, you guys, it finds me.

And my cropdusting etiquette is much better, naturally. I am cognizant of the people around me. I wouldn’t force them to suffer so that I can feel better during my run, but apparently that logic and thought is going right out the window. Seriously, you guys, the smell.

I was tempted to go up and say something to two of the guys who clearly have no self control. Oh and yeah, you know when that’s gonna happen, you can’t say that just slipped out.  NO ONE IS BUYING IT. But alas, did not. Fighting with guys at 6:15am about farting in a public gym, I’m not that crazy.

It needs to keep getting lighter out earlier in the morning because I cannot be in the fart hotbox much longer.

Maybe it’s just me.

2 Comments

  1. howie says:

    no, Jessica. Its not you. I deal with the same issue, but I can’t tell who the guilty parties are. i just try to laugh off their bodily functions.

  2. Akirah says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

 

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