I’m not really a “reader.” I read magazines but only really indulge in books while on vacation. So in prep for my most recent vacation, I took the advice of my fabulous cube neighbor Gloria and finally downloaded MWF Seeking BFF, a book she and my brunch buddy Nikki have talked about several times as a must-read.
Here is an official description of the book (from the website), “When Rachel Bertsche first moves to Chicago, she’s thrilled to finally share a zip code, let alone an apartment, with her boyfriend. But shortly after getting married, Bertsche realizes her new life is missing one thing: friends. Sure, she has plenty of BFFs—in New York and San Francisco and Boston and Washington DC. Yet in her adopted hometown, there’s no one to call at the last minute for girl-talk over brunch or a reality TV marathon over a bottle of wine. Taking matters into her own hands, Bertsche develops a plan: she’ll go on fifty-two friend-dates, one per week for a year, in hopes of meeting her new Best Friend Forever.”
So why would this relate to me? Well, minus the “M” part (married,) I can relate to Rachel, a lot. When I moved to Chicago, I was 25 years old and has zero friends. And didn’t really make one for six months. And now, as a 30-something woman, I’m going through another friend crisis of sorts. Friends are getting married, moving to the suburbs, moving away from Chicago for work, family, etc. and….I’m still here. Not that I mind, I love Chicago, but the idea of being in the city I love with not a solid group of friends is scary! How do I….start over?
And it’s not easy in the city. People have established groups of friends, boyfriends, or people they know, and it’s easy to just stick with that crew. And as you get older and dynamics in life change, your friendships change too. They aren’t the person you hang with 24/7, life gets in the way. And by the time you are hanging out again, you are looking at the next friend date being in two months because of…life.
In dating as well as friendships, I’m much more shy in putting myself out there. Fear of rejection sucks. Or the shallow, “yeah let’s totally meet up!” and then when you reach out, they never respond. Is that always the case? No. But as I’ve gotten older, it’s more difficult to find people who are at that same kind of life spot as me.
So what did I learn from this book? I’m not alone! There are a lot of other people my age (or close to it), struggling with the same thing, and when we share our sorrows (or those who choose to), I keep trying to put myself out there, meet new people, find people with similar interests and just see what happens. I won’t have the 24/7 BFF I’ve always wanted, at this point in my life at least, but finding those who compliment me, and working to really establish a good base of people here is a challenge I’m up for.
What about you? Have you read the book? Or had similar troubles finding and making friends?