10 July 2014

On trying to stay positive

By: Jessica B.
Tagged: Random

Today is my one-week anniversary of wearing my walking boot and so far, staying positive has been tough.

Well, sometimes.

I’m fortunate that friends have reached out and reminded me of the silver linings, sometimes when I’ve probably made it difficult for them to try and be positive for me. But they do.

One friend even looked at my boot and is like, “dude you’re like Tony Stark! That’s awesome!”

Getting through the day isn’t too bad. But it’s amazing how exhausting it is to run errands that normally, don’t take a lot of effort. And how I pick some CTA train stops based on how many stairs there are or if they have an elevator (since escalators never seem to go my way). But, silver lining: I get to practice breathing through my mouth because those elevators tend to smell heavily like urine. So, yay! Practice!

But it’s the most difficult to be positive at night.

Sometimes when I’m laying in bed, I feel a wealth of emotions that cause my brain to spin out of control. Such as….

Anger that I have to give up (or likely give up) something I’ve worked hard for, and sacrificed for. And more anger that this happened, that I didn’t go in sooner to get it looked at. Worried that I have vacation time I need to use soon and I don’t know when I can use it because of this. Frustrated that my body just won’t fucking work the way I want it to. It’s just not fair.

Sometimes, these emotions keep me up, staring at the ceiling, spinning. Other times, I just turn my brain off and sleep.

Being positive is tough. But I know that it comes from the pressure I put on myself. That it’s my own perception of this that’s clouding my judgement and keeping me up sometimes.

So my new rule is to take it one day at a time. To keep plugging along and surround myself with people who do understand and give me some leeway, and who will volunteer to help where I need it. Or just listen.

And, the last two days have been better in terms or adjusting to it being on my leg, so that’s a plus.

One week down, let’s hope things keep getting better in the next week.

2 Comments

  1. katelin says:

    Oh friend I am thinking about you because eff it’s hard to stay positive when things suck sometimes. Although I did giggle at the Tony Stark comment, ha.

    Anyhoo, I hope the days get easier and fly by with the boot wearing. xo

  2. We should get a drink next week to drown/lift our sorrows. Pretty sure you can do that in a boot. Me for the Italian vacation bought, paid for and lost, you for setbacks in training. Life throws you shit, and sometimes you just gotta grind it out, and I know you have the determination to do it, make it through and set new goals that excite you, if the current set expire. This is just a boot, just a few weeks, and truly, July is traditionally my most hated month of training with sweltering humidity making me hate every mile. :)

 

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