I don’t know what happened, but ever since I got back from my trip, love is in the air…for everyone but me.
Okay, disclaimer: I own up to the fact that I haven’t been trying as hard to meet guys. Between Portland and Europe, and some other things going on personally, I haven’t been really trying.
Back to a little whining.
Since I got back, almost all of my previously single friends, have met someone. Or has a serious crush on someone or get getting some lovin’ from someone.
And here’s the thing. I love, love. I’m happy for my friends, who are all fabulous people, and who deserve to be happy and with someone who treats them as the lovely people they are.
Seeing them happy, makes me happy, and when I meet the boyfriend or girlfriend, I’m genuinely excited and always polite.
But then there’s the dark part of my brain. The one who can’t help but ask, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I find someone? Even when I was trying, it wasn’t happening, or wasn’t the right guy, time, etc.
I do really believe that timing is everything, but I’m tired of it not being MY TIME.
And, yeah, I’m a little sad to be losing more single friends, because no matter what they say (cough, the lie that they don’t ditch friends when they get in a relationship), things do change.
At a particular low point, when another friend told me she met someone, it took every ounce of strength not to burst out crying. I mean, I was still happy for her, but the dark part took over temporarily. So I had that shame spiral in private, staring at myself in the mirror thinking, “what is it that makes me so unattractive to men?”
I know that’s not productive, or the point, or even in the same realm of what is happening with my friends, but, it’s there.
So, there is no real resolution to this post. It’s just to say, love is in the air!