‘Relationships’ Category

11 August 2010

Are there still gentlemen out there?

By: Jessica B.

Or maybe my grandpa is the only one left. He is a perfect gentleman.

I like to think of myself as a modern, Mary Tyler Moore-like lady, but deep down I’m still a little old fashioned.

So for me, I love when a guy is a gentleman. But maybe that trend is a little dead? Maybe it’s just in a coma? Or has amnesia while sleeping with my long-lost sister who was separated from me at birth?

A gentleman pulls out your chair, holds the door open, pulls your chair back and helps you with your jacket. Maybe I’ve been watching too much Mad Men lately.

What’s funny though is although I like that kind of guy,  I am very uncomfortable around him. Mostly because I’m not used to guys treating me nicely.

I’ve mentioned how the ex Peter never used to pay for dates because he didn’t want to “insult my modern ways.” INSULT ME like you’re Mel Gibson calling my voicemail.

Anyhow, I got to thinking about this after seeing a clip on Yahoo where a girl was hit by a foul ball at an Astros game and her boyfriend ran away from it rather than help or stand in the way. She got nailed in the elbow and then he came back, put his arm around her AND KEPT THE BALL FOR HIMSELF.

What the f*ck?

Now I’ll be honest, he didn’t exactly scream “winner” (more like Jersey Shore in training) and she reacted the same way I do when balls fly at my face…look horrified and curl up to hide.

But to run away like a little b*tch and let your woman get hit and then take it from her while offering only a modicum of support? Lame-o. But her prissy reenactments were hilarious.

What is wrong with this guy?

Now the gentlemanly thing to do would have been to try and shield her or pull her out of the way as well. I’m not saying he should be a martyr for her but really, he didn’t even think to grab her and run? If I was with this guy, I would have taken that ball back and thrown it at his head, after taking the car keys to leave and some cash for a beer.

This isn’t the official sign that gentlemanly behavior is dead, but it makes me question how many are out there.

You can see the full video here. Winner.

What would you do if your boyfriend was this guy? Or do you know any guys who are still gentleman to you?

13 July 2010

Girl code: Dating your friend’s ex

By: Jessica B.

Girl code is complicated but one thing is not: you don’t date your friend’s ex.

Maybe that’s a southeastern Wisconsin thing, or I just hang out with people who tend to do that, everyone I knew followed the rule that you never date a friend’s ex.

Not that I’ve WANTED to date many of them, but much like my “one that got away,” there were a few I thought may have been better suited for me :) But alas, it did not happen.

Recently, a friend and I were talking about this and she says this part of the code is antiquated.

Personally, I don’t know about that.

I’m still on the “nay” side of this, but my “pro” friend brought up a few valid points:

  • Is this a bad teen flick? Those rules are not the same nowadays
  • That relationship ended, it’s done
  • What if he could be “the one” and you guys were supposed to meet by him being with a friend
  • How close are you to this friend? Dating an ex of an acquaintance is different from dating a closer friend’s ex

Hmm valid, but there are two things that my crazy brain counters with:

  • How would I feel if a friend dated, closer or not, dating someone I did? Wouldn’t it be weird to see them together?
  • Can you move past that your friend was intimate with this guy you’re now dating?

Again, my brain is crazy but those are the first things that jump to mind when I think about this.

A friend back in Wisconsin dated and eventually married her friend’s ex, who really was her soulmate, but many times she mentioned (when drunk) that there was always a bit of resentment in her mind that her hubby slept with her friend years ago. Ew, that sounds like this resentment could only get worse.

Maybe this way of thinking is just old-school but as I get older and meeting new people and groups of friends, I feel like I can move beyond this or not let it hold me back.

And maybe it depends on the person. Some women may be more lax on this than others, but it’s still a sticky subject.

What about you? Would you date your friend’s ex?

Edit @ 10:35 p.m.: Lots of people are mentioning that it depends on the situation if they would date the ex. What situations would make this an exception to the code rule? When would you possibly go forward and do it?

Movie review: Oh yeah, forgot to say that my review of the Kids Are All Right is still up too. Seriously, Mark Ruffalo is hot and shirtless in it.

03 June 2010

More random pre-weekend thoughts

By: Jessica B.

Thanks to Memorial Day, it’s a short work week but holy sh*t it doesn’t feel like it! Tomorrow is Friday and I will bust out of work to start the weekend like I did in elementary school when summer started. I get very excited about starting my weekends :)

Anyhow, the short week has me all thrown off and out of sorts so I’m to give in to the random thoughts bouncing around in my head.

Prepare to enter the vortex of my odd mind:

  • Is it embarrassing that I love teen fiction? Last weekend I read the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins and I am totally obsessed. I wish I could teleport to August when the final book comes out so I can see how it ends
  • Conan O’Brien’s tour was in New York this week and not only did his dance off with Colbert and Stewart make me cry laughing, but also my true love, John Krasinski stopped by. He’s really hot in this picture.
  • It felt weird that LOST wasn’t on this week. I feel like that will be a big void in my DVR, but my tear ducts will be happy to have some mercy
  • Tonight I’m buying tickets to a midnight showing of Eclipse for Amy and me in Napa! I can’t wait!!!!!
  • I need to start researching wineries for my trip to Napa in a few weeks…and I have not even started. Please, if you have any recommendations, send them my way!
  • A coworker shared this clip of a horribly romantic wedding proposal and I did tear up watching it. See, I’m not so dead inside! I love sappy, romantic stuff like that because I’m jealous
  • I hate coming home to an empty DVR because of summer hiatus. But, I’m sure I can fill my DVR with plenty of good/trashy TV soon, like Top Chef, Bethenny Getting Married, Rescue Me and of course, RHONJ. Cannot live without that
  • I was sad to hear Rue McClanahan died today. She was sassy on Golden Girls…I like sass
  • I got to taste Rotel and Velveeta dip (clients) for the first time today and it was AH-MAZING. I must make this again soon
  • There are Twilight pre-paid credit cards available by MasterCard. No joke, I want one but think it would look weird to have an 18 year old Jacob in my wallet :)

Phew, lots in my head this week. What’s on your mind? Any big weekend plans?

03 May 2010

Looking ahead to online dating round two

By: Jessica B.

Even though I’m traveling again this summer, when someone asked me last week if I was still planning on getting back into online dating and I said, “hells yes!”

I’m ready to make my debut back into the world of Chicago online dating to see what Match.com has to offer me in available men.

But online dating is tricky and frustrating so as I look ahead to round two, I’d like to think I’m a little wiser this time in terms of what to expect.

I’m not an online dating master, but I’m a little more realistic of how this thing works.

And, of course, I know that good stories will (hopefully) result. I am definitely looking forward to that.

So here’s what I know I’ll see guys do on Match again:

  • Post photos of them from 10 years ago, thinking they still look like that now
  • Say they’re open to “new possibilities,” including sexual ones
  • Expect me to do all the work arranging the date
  • Demand go out right away after reading your profile
  • Not take “no thanks” for an answer
  • Talk only about their pets, ex-girlfriends or desire to have kids within the next year on the first date

I’m sure I’ll update that list as this goes along :)

But with that, here’s what I’m keeping in mind as I jump back in:

  • I don’t know if I’ll meet Mr. Right
  • This is an opportunity to have FUN, try new things (NOT like that) and meet new people
  • To stop joking that my level of expectations for a mate are “good credit” and “has a pulse”. I can keep it achievable and realistic without being limiting
  • To not waste time on guys I’m just not interested in (that’s kind of mean)

There is a 50 percent chance I won’t meet anyone or anyone worth going out with, but hey, all I can do is be me!

For those who have done online dating, how many times did you do it and was your second experience better? Or for those who met someone through online dating, what set them apart? Or what is your online dating nightmare.

13 April 2010

I don’t need a guy to be happy

By: Jessica B.

Lately I’ve been thinking about relationships and being part of a couple (one day) after a lengthy visit to singledom.

When I was growing up it was never “if” I go to college but “when.” And it was never “when” I get married, it was “if.”

I won’t lie, being raised in a divorced household has affected my view on relationships, marriage and commitment. But, as much as part of me hopes for that, I don’t expect it to happen to me.

My career is important to me, so are my friends and family. I find joy and validation of success in them. I know that one day, I want to be a VP, sit in an office and work on things that interest me. That is what I want. And of course, have minions :)

And it’s funny when I bring up these professional successes to some people because they nod and automatically ask, “are you seeing anyone?”

Sure that question is well intentioned but when I say, “no one,” it generates are response like, “oh well one day you’ll have a guy and you’ll be happy.”

That is not entirely correct. I don’t need a guy to be happy.

Before I can really be with a guy, I want to know I can be happy and content on my own. I want to be my own person, be successful on my own and know that I can take care of myself.

Right now, I’m three of those four things. And I’m working on the last piece that needs to be stronger.

In trying to help my writer’s block for this post, I talked to friends about how they felt about women being happy outside of their romantic relationships and I got some interesting responses.

Some shared stories about single friends who don’t celebrate their birthdays and view it as another reminder that they’re alone and a relationship failure.

It makes me sad to see people I know feel like they can’t celebrate themselves or their lives because a guy isn’t involved. Birthdays are a time to celebrate yourself and the good things in your life. It’s NOT to make you feel like you’re still alone and will be spending another year as such. NO! You should never stop celebrating you and who you are because you’re single. Ever.

And many of the committed friends I talked to about this said it best, “my relationships is a PART of my life but it is not my ENTIRE life.”

I also bring this up because this topic came up while planning my solo vacations. Someone who wasn’t so supportive said I should just wait to have someone go with me, guy or girlfriend. And I realized that my single status shouldn’t hold me back from doing what I want. And I’ll be in a better place to really be with someone if I can face my fears and be comfortable fully on my own.

What about you? Have you had this happen to any of your friends? What are your thoughts on the subject?

Movie review: Review of Date Night is still up on the review blog! I do love Steve Carell and Tina Fey.