‘Relationships’ Category

29 October 2013

A little whining about dating

By: Jessica B.

I don’t know what happened, but ever since I got back from my trip, love is in the air…for everyone but me.

Okay, disclaimer: I own up to the fact that I haven’t been trying as hard to meet guys. Between Portland and Europe, and some other things going on personally, I haven’t been really trying.

Back to a little whining.

Since I got back, almost all of my previously single friends, have met someone. Or has a serious crush on someone or get getting some lovin’ from someone.

SERIOUSLY.

And here’s the thing. I love, love. I’m happy for my friends, who are all fabulous people, and who deserve to be happy and with someone who treats them as the lovely people they are.

Seeing them happy, makes me happy, and when I meet the boyfriend or girlfriend, I’m genuinely excited and always polite.

But then there’s the dark part of my brain. The one who can’t help but ask, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I find someone? Even when I was trying, it wasn’t happening, or wasn’t the right guy, time, etc.

I do really believe that timing is everything, but I’m tired of it not being MY TIME.

And, yeah, I’m a little sad to be losing more single friends, because no matter what they say (cough, the lie that they don’t ditch friends when they get in a relationship), things do change.

At a particular low point, when another friend told me she met someone, it took every ounce of strength not to burst out crying. I mean, I was still happy for her, but the dark part took over temporarily. So I had that shame spiral in private, staring at myself in the mirror thinking, “what is it that makes me so unattractive to men?”

I know that’s not productive, or the point, or even in the same realm of what is happening with my friends, but, it’s there.

So, there is no real resolution to this post. It’s just to say, love is in the air!

 

25 July 2013

The one where I got mouth herpes

By: Jessica B.

No, I’m not making this up. I’ve told a few IRL friends about this and for a while, I debated whether or not to post it here. But, now, it’s funny and really should be shared.

A long time ago, I was spending time with a guy I liked a lot. Liked him RULL HARD. I just loved talking to him, spending time with him and yeah, kissing him. It was the kind of kisses that make you feel like you’re on fire (in a good way) and just like cannot get enough.

And then I got mouth herpes, aka cold sores. From him.

It started out with an innocent “hey want to come over and watch some football?” and then the polite small talk of “hey want a beer” and moved to an awkward silence broken only by him tackling me and commencing a kissing session. Game on.

And yeah, it was nice. But at one point, it got a little more physical and he bit my lip. In that moment, I was fine with it. But then after we stopped and I am in a cab home with a little fuzzy feeling, I start noticing my lip is swelling. And not like a little bit. Like…A LOT.

Panicked, I put ice on it and take some Benadryl, in case I’m having an allergic reaction.

Cut to the next morning, mouth still swollen and it literally feels like someone is lighting a match in my inner lip. I cannot even BEGIN to describe to you how painful this was.

Nothing worked to alleviate the pain. So, sheepishly, I asked a friend if she knew what was wrong. I explained the situation, showed her my lip, her eyes got really wide and then, she smiled. “Dude, you have a giant cold sore. You need to get to the doctor.”

Doctor. And doctor visit means copay.

But I went, showed my doctor my mouth, and when she asked how I got this (after NEVER having a cold sore before), I told her, and she started laughing too.

And then I got a prescription for Valtrex, which I had to fill at the CVS near my work. When I went to pick it up, I wore my sunglasses and tried to cover my face “Cousin It” style.

It took a week for the feeling of my mouth being lit on fire to go away. And I never told that guy what happened. I was too embarrassed and I was afraid that if I told him, he wouldn’t like me anymore. That’s how much I liked him. He asked why I was “sick” after we hung out and I looked him right in the eye and said, “viral infection.” Seems close, right?

I have a refill still on that Valtrex prescription too, so just in case, I’m set for next time. WHICH I HOPE NEVER HAPPENS.

So that is the story of how I got mouth herpes and had the most expensive makeout. EVER.

 

 

16 July 2013

Giving good text

By: Jessica B.

One of the hard parts about dating in your 30s is putting yourself out there. And dating in Chicago in your 30s isn’t easy. It requires a constant effort of going out, checking out profiles, looking at singles or matchmaking events (that don’t cost $500) and just…seeing what happens.

And while I’m not actively, obsessively looking, I’m open. And then a guy came around, who on paper was like, a yes. We were¬† the same age, had similar interests, we were looking for the same things, and he wasn’t damaged from past relationships.

First date went fine but where this guy really was a cut above was texting. He knew the right things to say when (I should note, they were genuine too), like “I should have kissed you on our first date” or “what would make me happy is a picture of your smiling face” or my favorite, “I get you’re busy, but I’ll wait for us to have dinner again, it’ll be worth it.”

OMFG WHO SAYS THAT? I’M LITERALLY SWOONING AT MY DESK AND IM’ING MY COLLEAGUE THAT I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I’M READING.

Now, you could say, wow, you are starved for romance. And maybe you would be right, but really I think I’m just starved for a guy who knows what he wants, is confident in what he says (and means it) and isn’t going to put his dick in “one and done” women to figure out that free p*ssy is more fun. Cough, that happened.

So yeah, giving good text is hot. But that doesn’t mean it always lives up to in person. Sadly, this Robin Thicke of text went that way on date #2.

So what did I learn:

  • Gotta keep trying, this was encouraging but not the right one
  • Not so dead inside after all (yay!)
  • If I let you kiss me to “just get it over with,” that’s bad
  • Asking me multiple times throughout the date if we are going to kiss = not hot. At all

Back to the drawing board.

06 March 2013

Flip side to being single

By: Jessica B.

Woot woot, it’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for another installment in Arielle and my infinite-part series, Single Girl Confidential.

You can check out Arielle’s post here, and below is my contribution to our topic today: the flip side to being single.

When Arielle and I created SGC, our goal was to talk about being single in a kick-ass, positive, uplifting way, because there is nothing wrong with being single and it should be celebrated.

But when we planned our posts, we realized that while we view singledom in a positive light, we had to tell both sides of the story.

So here is my side of the story.

I have been single for much longer than I’ve been in relationships. And while I am okay with that…sometimes, I’m not.

As I’ve gotten older and the second wave of my friends have met people, gotten married or had first and second babies, I sometimes feel, well, bummed and left behind.

My friends who are married or dating are great about including me and never treating me like a third wheel, but sometimes, you can’t help but feel like the “single friend” that tags along, or like it would be easier if there was a fourth to just, round out the group.

Maybe, if I’m being candid, it’s feeling like I don’t have the connection my couples friends do. The bond, the friendship, the overall, just…connection they have together. I have connections with my friends, even the guy ones, but it’s not the same. And sometimes, seeing it in front of me, makes me a little envious. I would never just date someone to have that, but after being out on two occasions recently with couple friends making out in front of me in public, yeah, it’s kind of right in your face.

And it’s even feeling a little down about being single for the silly things. Someone to tell about my day, help me hang pictures, kill bugs, replace light bulbs go out for a spontaneous drink with or even, just hold hands with after a long day, or give a hug to say it’ll be okay.

Sometimes, I miss those things, even though I am comfortable being single.

But, I’m still me, still complete on my own and ready to face whatever is down the road for me, +1 or not :)

Single Girl Confidential signing off for now.

07 February 2013

Single girl at the wedding

By: Jessica B.

SCG is back! And this time, Arielle and I are taking a trip down the aisle, not as the bride, but as a wedding guest.

And not just any kind of guest, but the single girl guest at a wedding.

Being single at wedding, which is all about love and the celebration of it, can be tough.

Sure, there are options of single men and/or groomsmen who want to just get a piece of ass, but really, it can be a minefield of insecurity and frustration with your own dating life too (or lack thereof in certain cases).

In the next year, I have two weddings I’ll be attending (one family, one coworker) and I will be going to both solo.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

But, since I’m a tad snarky around couples blissfully in love, I have to get my game face on and be able to navigate the wedding scene with the most gracious and charming of ease…and not hit the bar too hard.

So here’s how I plan to kick ass at both weddings as a singleton:

  • Social butterfly – I know people at both weddings (win) and with a few drinks, I’m much more talkative with strangers (and that doesn’t include trying to make out)
  • Open bar – I mean, it takes the edge off, and is a great place to meet people (see “social butterfly” above). Just remember, it’s not a race to see how much beer/wine you can consume during the reception. Must write that down
  • Dancing machine – Oh man, sometimes, the answer to any situation is just to dance it out. And those heels will be off and I will be a dancing machine. I also need to use this time to identify a guy to be forced to slow dance with me so I don’t return to my snarky state

Yes, despite these comments about snark, I am so happy for both of my wedding couples and really, I can’t wait to be there and celebrate their day. And if there is a guy there who is as willing for a random make out and doesn’t repulse me, let’s discuss.

How do you handle being a singleton at a wedding?