They are the inevitable dance of getting to know someone without revealing too much and being vague enough where you can decide if you would want to see that person again. Most of the time, the answer is “maybe.”

Here is usually how my first dates go:

• Anxiety about going and contemplating if I should cancel or postpone
• Review the person’s online dating profile to determine conversation topics for the evening
• Taking my time arriving at pre-arranged location so I’m not the first one there
• Commence awkward introductions/discussion of weather/transportation/parking to the location
• Review menus, smile and make very light talk while waiting for drinks to arrive
• *At this point, I get a sense if I will have to lead conversation a bit more or if he will*
• If I have to make conversation, I will initiate by asking something relative to items we’ve discussed by email and/or on his profile
• Conversation will continue
• Insert a few awkward pauses as one of us decides what else to discuss or if we should just call it a night
• Add in a few “bathroom breaks” which allow me to check my phone
• Evening ends, I walk to the bus or cab home, send a text to say thank you (if he paid) and delay deciding if I would see him again

This may sound cynical but I guess I’m not used to first dates going well.

Either way, a first date/drinks could be fun, a mess or just two hours of my life I won’t get back. Regardless, I’m giving it a try to keep me moving forward.

I don’t like starting over, starting fresh with someone I don’t know and putting in the extra work to try and see if “me” is someone he might be interested in. It would be easier to go back to the way things were, but there isn’t anything there anymore, so I have to start over.

But then again, drinks are just drinks and worst case, I make a quick escape and try again with someone else.

Whatever, let’s do this.

I’m still spending some time in sad city/bummerland so my friends suggested I “get back out there” to try and take my mind off things.

I didn’t expect Prince Charming to appear, but when I was deleting old emails, I came across one that gave me a surprising reaction.

It said, “how is my future wife doing besides being her usual gorgeous self?

Cheesy emails like this are pretty standard but when I read it, my brain immediately said, NO THANK YOU.

Maybe I’m not ready for this.

After that email, I discussed with two single friends the amount of work/effort it takes to online date. We all hate it. Starting from the very beginning, the inevitable, awful first date, weeding through potential guys to see if there are any gems. It’s like a second job.

But one friend said some very true advice, “dating does suck but you have to just keep trying and put yourself out there. It won’t always work out but if you don’t try, time will just keep going by.”

Damn, that is SO TRUE.

Sometimes, I feel like I don’t want to date. I don’t want to try, I don’t want to put myself out there, I don’t want to get hurt again. But there is one thing that will make me get back out there: The feeling you have when you’re with someone you really like. I’m not ready to give up on that, but will get there, hopefully.

My friends give really good advice. Fact!

I am bummed.

Why?

For the last few weeks/months I was spending time with someone. Someone I liked very much. Someone I liked more than I have liked someone in a while (boy-wise). Someone who gave me the butterflies/swoony feeling that made good friends ask what was going on because, well they knew my behavior was out of the ordinary. It was…awesome in a drive you crazy but make you happy way.

Now, that person is no longer in the picture.

And I am bummed.

Actually I’ll say it, I’m sad. And I can’t stop from feeling sad just yet.

That’s the thing about dating, it is a risk and can disappoint you. I’m there now, and it sucks.

I even debated posting this because I’m not doing this to drum up sympathy. Just saying how I’ve been feeling because I alluded to stuff going on before and then never said anything else. And, a few people who read this did know and I just don’t have the heart to tell them individually.

So I’ll be here in in bummerland/sad city for a bit and then, I’ll pick myself up and keep going.

For now, I’m just hoping tomorrow will be a bit better.

So what’s next? Secret single behavior. Time to pull back the curtain to Oz and disclose some of my quirky behaviors that I will admit I do as a singleton but would not do in a relationship.

Alright, time to dish:

• Shoe fashion shows - I have a lot of shoes that I don’t wear. Mostly because of my flats preference, but sometimes, even when I’m wearing PJs, I put those sky high black suede pumps on and strut around the apartment. Literally, just strut. Like a pony
• Boy band dance parties/concerts – I love playing loud music when I cook or clean my apartment. And sometimes that turns in to a boy band dance party/sing-a-long with a nice tone deaf edge. NSYNC doesn’t sound any  better with a tone deaf screech
• Shower/clothing optional - Yeah, when you have no one to dress up for and if you’re only going out in your neighborhood, I dedicate a day to shower optional and make sure there is a little “level of clothing” optional time too. It’s healthy and reminds me why I need to keep working out :)
• Objectifying men – This is one of my favorites. To keep my mind sharp, I try to objectify at least one man a day. Sometimes, I have to double up if I’m working from home or can’t find someone good. And sometimes, my objectification is cleaner than others, depending on my mood. Also, if they smell good, I may lean in a bit to give them a sniff. Wasting a chance to sniff a nice smelling man is a terrible thing.

In hindsight, these seem a bit tame. Guess I’ll have to up my game. But before I go out on weekends or if I go out on a date, I do make sure my clothes are picked up because if someone is invited up and a bra is laying on the bed again, that’s not a good first impression.

Be sure to check out Arielle’s post too about her Secret Single Behaviors. One is really hilarious.

Single Girl Confidential signing off for now.

The column, can be found here, and I shared it with pretty much every single friend I could right after TKTC sent it to me.

Arielle, had a different opinion on the article (her post is here), but there were a lot of things in the article that I could connect with.

The article is about a woman in her 30s coming full circle in her lack of dating experience as a potential suitor asks, so when was your last relationship?

Recently, someone asked me that same question. And I didn’t lie, but I didn’t exactly answer. Because I was embarrassed.

Knowing this person was previously in a long-term relationship, I was embarrassed to admit that my last one (really, relationship of any kind) was not recent…at all. Plus, I was embarrassed that I don’t have much dating experience. And later, when I really thought about it, I realized how paltry it is.

Why feel embarrassed by this? Well, it’s the inevitable question the author and I were both asked once, “what’s wrong with you?”

The short answer: NOTHING.

But for a long time, I thought there was SOMETHING wrong with me. My friends regularly dated guys, but not me. To try and fix the unknown problem, I went through a long period of dyeing my hair various colors, cutting it to various lengths, losing/gaining weight, changing my personality, sampling with make up and nitpicking things in my life because clearly, ONE of these items was keeping me from meeting Mr. Right.

And after all of that, he still never arrived. As friends got engaged or married, I was single and they kept telling me, “it’s going to happen,” “you’re too studious,” “men are intimidated by strong, independent women.” But it didn’t make me feel better. Finding solace in single friends helped but in the end, the article said it best, “I still asked myself, “What’s wrong with me?”

And it was after reading this that I started re-evaluting a few other things. For one, I stopped watching the Millionaire Matchmaker and unfollowed Patti Stanger on Twitter. While I know she says/does things for effect, I realized that her main message is about changing yourself looks/personality-wise to be what men want, not necessarily what you want. Sure, a push is needed sometimes, but I just don’t connect with that message anymore.

After years of trying to be someone else, I’m comfortable being me. Petite, red haired, big boobed and hipped, slightly awkward and a little dating naive.

And if I meet a guy who can look past my poor dating resume and love me for me, I’m open to having him in my life. And if not, I’m just fine being single. That’s something I wish the author in that article would have said because there is NOTHING wrong with being single. At all.

So thank you Modern Love for letting me know that I’m not all alone out there.

Single Girl Confidential signing off for now.

What is Single Girl Confidential?

It seems like everywhere you turn, another blogger is getting engaged, married, or otherwise settling down. Single bloggers are a dying breed, and we’re here to represent our unattached brothers and sisters. We aren’t picking our bridesmaids or stressing out over our DIY save-the-dates, but being single in a big city comes with its own host of issues. But let us be clear – we aren’t complaining about flying solo or hating on our married friends. In a world of infinite pressure to find The One, we’re speaking up on behalf of those who are single and loving it.

Being Single Makes Me Fat

When Arielle and I brainstormed this series, the first thing that came to my mind was the phrase, being single makes me fat.

What? How is that possible? First off, it’s a joke, but I see some rather (il)logical connections.

Sometimes, single women go in to “heat.” You have a surge of hormones or something that makes you want to make out with a guy. It is really a nasty condition because it tends to cloud your judgement, make you have to physically restrain yourself (at times) and occupy your mind until that need is met. This condition can last for a day or…months…depending on how strong the urge is.

TV, reading and even writing can distract you for a bit, but eventually, the judgement is gone and suddenly a non-related post you’re working on becomes random ramblings about wanting to just make out.

It’s kind of like being hungry and having not an ounce of food around you. Except, that’s where I find comfort when these devil feelings come over me.

So, to keep me from going to Wrigleyville and making an awful mistake at a bar like The Cubby Bear, I tend to throw food in my mouth rather than put my mouth on some poor man’s face. The ironic thing about being in heat? You don’t want to make out with just anyone, so it’s a slow form of torture if you don’t have a love interest.

Usually, my food drugs of choice are: candy (damn you sweet tooth), pastries (coffee cake) or beer, which actually makes it all worse because that’s when the dormant or tolerable “heat” feelings really fire up. So the thing you find comfort in, ends up making it worse. Cuts so deep.

And I know what you’re thinking, you’re an adult, you can control yourself and find other productive things to occupy your mind, like working out. I hear you, but I’m telling you, it is a temporary fix. Eventually, you re-surrender to those needs and your flirty comments with guys become a little more pointed or shy because your mind has moved to dangerous territory.

Know what fixes that? Bites of carby goodness like Munchkins, donuts, bread or a handful of chocolate so your hands aren’t grabbing someone’s shirt to make their mouth collide with yours.

In summary, my singleton heat cycle is: impure thoughts, eat, work out, eat to try to resist more impure thoughts, pray for it to be over.

And yes, once the need is met, you feel a wave of relief. Until it starts up again and I’m hitting the gym twice as hard and praying that my jeans don’t feel tighter.

Being single isn’t easy. And being in heat and wanting to make out doesn’t make me sad or pathetic, it makes me human.

Single Girl Confidential signing off for now.

I’m not saying I’ve been “around the online dating block” but I kind of have. In the last few years, I’ve tried Ok Cupid, eHarmony and Match and while they are different, I’ve found a few common tips I would like to tell guys before they sign up, from a female perspective.

• Your profile photo should be of your FACE. Not your pecks, abs, crevice to your groin, apartment, pets or places you’ve visited (without you in them). Also, posting your wedding photos with the bride cut out shows you can commit but is also a little tacky. Seriously. But if your apartment is for rent, please note that in your profile
• Don’t be an a**hole when listing your age range. For example, if you’re 29, listing women ages 21-25 is kind of an a**hole thing to do. You want the DePaul undergrad? Really? Be a bit more open here, older women are not scary
• Don’t be all shy that you don’t know why you’re doing this. You know why. It’s either to find a girlfriend, get some a** or find a wife. Let’s just be honest, we’re all doing this for a reason
• Be honest in your profile but be aware. I believe in honesty and putting it out there, but there are creative ways to say it. For example, saying that you want to massage my foot before we go out (sweet but scary) or that you’re only interested in a woman who is sexually adventurous (three-way) may appeal to some but not to all. Just be aware of what you’re saying and who you might attract
• Don’t make the girl do all the work. Believe it or not, women have to work at online dating too. We don’t just sit around and wait for guys to message us. So while I may message you to go out, I still would like you to plan the date and pick where we go. If I’m doing all the work to set up the date, I’ll be doing all the work in that relationship. No thanks
• If you’re not interested, just say it. A friend was recently stood up by a guy she met online and it set me off in to a rage. If you’re not interested in going out for a first or second date, JUST TELL US. I’m not a mindreader, no woman is, and clearly, men aren’t either. Even if it’s a lame excuse, tell us rather than stand us up. It’s a p*ssy move and can still sting, even the strongest people

Phew, feels good to get that out there. I’m not saying girls don’t make mistakes in their profiles too but I thought I would put this out there for all the gentlemen to help increase their chances of meeting someone they might actually like and be compatible with.

Good luck men!

Anything I’m missing?

But before I can “sex” up that language, I need to write out what I really want to say.

Then Arielle had a brilliant idea to write a brutally honest online dating profile, one we would love to post but won’t. You can check hers out here. Below, is mine. Behold.

Name: Jessica B

Bio: Third time on online dating, hoping it’s the charm. Yes, I’m not using this to just scam for a** anymore, I’m actually looking to date someone I can stand and want to make out with, more than just on a random Friday or Saturday night.

I am a thirty-something professional in Chicago. I like movies, music, art, pop culture and food. Yes, I’m not a “go out to dinner and eat a salad” kind of girl. I am petite and curvy but also in pretty good shape. I work out regularly, don’t have a big neck but do like to flex a little bit in the mirror (who doesn’t?) I am a bit of a morning person (wink wink) but also like to stay out late. I’m not a hipster (more like a prep), I proudly own and wear madras and TOMS but like a reason to get dressed up every now and then.

I’m looking for a guy who can make me laugh. A guy who can make me laugh and loves food, turns me on. But if you’re a jerk and can still make me laugh, you’re not really halfway there. Also, I can also smell a**hole a mile away. I like a romantic, which means treating me like a piece of shit to get my attention, won’t work. And guess what, some cheesy pick up lines are appreciated. I like holding hands and even a little public PDA, I mean, I’ve had to watch cuddlers on the bus for long enough, it’s SOMEONE ELSE’S TURN. I’m not going to try to dry hump you in public or try to remove your tonsil with my tongue. And on the subject of dry humping, I’m not okay with it. The only thing I can do is lay there and pretend to enjoy it (which I don’t). I mean, denim on denim rubbing could start a fire, and not a good one.

I’m not going to discuss sex in this profile but I will say this, I tend to be dominant so just go with it, it’s not bad :)

I also have a tendency to do the following:

• Sniff babies heads (don’t worry, the moms are okay with it)
• Be klutzy
• Care too deeply about the people I love
• Shower daily

I am also attentive, but that doesn’t mean you can take advantage of me. As tough as I am, I have a soft heart so every now and then, a compliment would be appreciated, as long as you mean it. And for me, it is the little things that count. Everything doesn’t need to be a big grand sweeping gesture, something as small as making dinner, going with me to a movie you don’t want to see or doing something “just because,” goes a long way.

So that’s me in a nutshell. Message me if we have something in common or if you would like to talk more.

And I have a paper mache cat/rabbit that I made as a child, named Bubbles. I love her, we are a package deal.

Time to make this more guy-friendly and it’s ready to post! What have you always wanted to say in an online dating profile?

It started with thinking about a really bad rom com with Jim Carrey that came out a few years ago called Yes Man. Quick summary, it’s about a guy (Jim Carrey) who decides to open himself up to new possibilities by saying “yes” to everything. Really, you don’t need to rent it, it wasn’t that good.

But the general idea stuck with me.

I consider myself to be a pretty easy going person but in order to expand my dating horizons, I need to take a “just say yes,” approach.

That means, if a guy asks me out, I’m going to say yes. I’m not going to second doubt it or look for reasons to say no. If he’s nice, seems sincere and I’m interested, I’ll say yes. No more “screening” phone calls to see if I’m “meet in public worthy.” I’m horribly awkward on the phone so that’s working against me already. Instead of turning down something that could be, well, something, I’m going to just give it a try.

So that’s my plan. Just say yes. Whether it’s to coffee, drinks or even just a walk to talk more. What do I have to lose?

And I need to be better about telling guys I’m interested in that I want to get together too. Yes, the archaic woman in me is still hesitant to do so, but now, I need to grow my own pair of dating balls and just go for it. Fortunately, I have my patented JB-way to deal with rejection without breaking a sweat. I mean, their loss right?

Why this sudden go-getter attitude with guys if I’m content solo? To be honest, this is the first time I feel ready to receive someone’s attention and affection.Two years ago, I met a nice guy who was genuinely interested in me, and I pushed him away because I couldn’t “hear” his comments that I was beautiful and fun to be with. I wasn’t ready then, but I feel ready now.

Of course, I’m not 100% convinced there is a Mr. Right out there for me, but while I keep living my solo life, if I find someone I’m interested in (and who feels the same), I’m ready to make room and time for him too.

Clear eyes, full hearts…CAN’T LOSE.

Are you a “just say yes” kind of person toward something in your life?

During my weekend pedicure, the Millionaire Matchmaker was on TV (could not avoid it) and Patti made a comment that made me think. If you make love a priority, love will come to you. I don’t totally believe that but it’s not a secret that in the battle of dating vs. work in my life, work seems to win pretty consistently. So maybe there is some truth to that.

Her comment made me think about putting love and dating a little more at the forefront, which means, I have to be open to dating guys that might not be my…type.

Being in my early 30s, there comes a new reality of dating. I may date men who are divorced, men who have kids and men who are still in their 20s. And dating men in their 20s when you are not 20-something anymore feels…weird.

Now that I’m in a new decade, I’m trying to be more open minded and not let the (potential) age difference feel like a barrier. Friends (including guys) tell me that age isn’t a big deal, but they’re still in their 20s, I’m not. So is that easier said than done?

I’ve also had one (or more) friends say that I have a checklist of qualities I want in a guy. This isn’t a bad thing (e.g. no criminals) but in order to open up the dating pool, I need to be a little more flexible.

But in the spirit of being more open I still need to be logical. Recently, I completely misread a situation with a guy and interpreted conversations as flirting and interest, instead it was friendship. DAMN YOU FRIEND CARD. That realization was a bummer, but, it was that spark (or my interpreted spark) that got me thinking about this again. So that’s not a total loss.

What about you? Did you date outside of your “type?” If so, how did you know where to be flexible?

Those circles are basically divided between “Guys who hit on me” and “Guys I want to hit on me.” Two separate circles that never match.

Welcome to my world.

And apparently, welcome to Phams.

Actually, my dating Venn diagram has a few more circles, let’s take a look.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up, and that intersection of the Venn diagram is pretty damn depressing. That is the exact reason why I’m taking a break again from online dating. As a side note, I have no idea why I attract 21 year old guys, really, I have no idea. But in a few years, when I enter “cougar” time, I’ll be more than happy they like me so much. Until then, I’m good.

Also, I’m hoping to slowly bridge that gaping hole between the guys I want to hit on me and guys that actually do. Somehow, I will bring them together! Well, maybe, but somehow, that diagram below, aka the Bermuda Triangle of my dating life needs to vanish. Seriously.

What does your dating Venn diagram look like?

While talking to Jenn last week, I lamented how much I missed my fur nephew and how sad it was to come home to a puppy-less, quiet apartment.

Then I said, “I guess it’s time to go back to internet dating.”

I meant that as a joke, but while watching a Back To The Future marathon on AMC (love that movie) and reading my new book, I thought about that statement more.

Here is the deal, I want a dog badly. But it’s still not a reality for me now. I have to move (dogs are not allowed in my place), get through Italy and honestly, see if I get a bump in salary. Oh, and most important, I need to get my work hours back under control. I know this, yet part of me every day wants to walk in to PAWS and see if an adult dog is there with my name on it.

So since I can’t have a dog, I’m going back to internet dating. Why is that my fallback? I guess it comes down to feeling a little…lonely. Christmas at home was a ton of fun but part of me felt like something was missing, like companionship. There have been a recent spurt of friends getting married, having babies and moving out of Chicago and I feel a little…left behind. Suddenly, I’m the last single girl left in many groups of friends.

Internet dating or a dog are not “fillers” to make myself happy but being around my fur nephew and seeing how much I do love him, made me realize that I need to find something to make myself feel content. That may be a relationship and I owe it to myself to see. Boys may be as messy as dogs, but my right one loves to cuddle and will love me just as I am.

And as of New Years Day, I’m “back on the market” so to speak. Fortunately, this time I had plenty of adorable pictures to choose from for my profile. I’ll take that as a positive sign?

What about you? How are you feeling now that we’re almost a full week in to the new year?

New movie review: I’m hitchin’ up the horse and reviewing the Western Coen brothers movie True Grit.

The article features several stories about women and men, all engaged or in long-term relationships, ready to take that step to marriage or a serious commitment, except one thing looms over them: debt. Each are heavily in debt (mostly from school loans or credit card debt) and the article asks the question: When and should you tell your significant other about the amount of debt you carry.

For me, the answers are, once you’re in a long-term, committed relationship and absolutely yes you should.

And, I would not marry a man unless he had made serious headway at paying down his debt.

I’m not the only one of my friends that feels this way too.

Debt is a reality for a lot of people right now. If it’s not school or car loans, it’s credit card debt, easy to accumulate when you are trying to find a stable job and have non-stop household expenses.

I am very fortunate that I have a small amount of student loan debt (under $20,000) and no credit card debt. Yes, I do not have a lot of established credit, but it’s solid.

And, debt doesn’t go away when you do get married because that debt ownership falls on both of you and could affect the partner’s credit score.

Yes, I’m obsessed with credit scores, it’s important!

When I talked to friends about this, they were very adamant that they would not marry someone with a high amount of debt as well, especially if he/she won’t be able to pay it off for a long time.

One friend said that her boyfriend has bad credit right now and lots of school/credit card debt and she made it clear that they won’t be getting married until that’s under control. Another friend said that he’s helping his girlfriend pay her debt down so they can get married sooner than later. Very interesting.

One example in the article was about a woman who told her fiance she was $100k in debt due to school when in reality, she found she was more like $170k in debt, causing his to call off the wedding because he felt she “lied to him.”

She admitted that she didn’t lie to him, she lied to herself by not finding out the true balance earlier. This I believe because I think at some point, no one wants to really know how much debt they have.

As great as college was, I’m so glad I’m not in school now. Costs and admission standards are truly on another level and many people are walking out with more debt than grads did five years ago. College is worth it but…damn that’s a lot of money. The fear of more debt is what’s keeping me from going back for my Masters.

What about you? How do you feel about having the debt discussion in relationships?

I like to think of myself as a modern, Mary Tyler Moore-like lady, but deep down I’m still a little old fashioned.

So for me, I love when a guy is a gentleman. But maybe that trend is a little dead? Maybe it’s just in a coma? Or has amnesia while sleeping with my long-lost sister who was separated from me at birth?

A gentleman pulls out your chair, holds the door open, pulls your chair back and helps you with your jacket. Maybe I’ve been watching too much Mad Men lately.

What’s funny though is although I like that kind of guy,  I am very uncomfortable around him. Mostly because I’m not used to guys treating me nicely.

I’ve mentioned how the ex Peter never used to pay for dates because he didn’t want to “insult my modern ways.” INSULT ME like you’re Mel Gibson calling my voicemail.

Anyhow, I got to thinking about this after seeing a clip on Yahoo where a girl was hit by a foul ball at an Astros game and her boyfriend ran away from it rather than help or stand in the way. She got nailed in the elbow and then he came back, put his arm around her AND KEPT THE BALL FOR HIMSELF.

What the f*ck?

Now I’ll be honest, he didn’t exactly scream “winner” (more like Jersey Shore in training) and she reacted the same way I do when balls fly at my face…look horrified and curl up to hide.

But to run away like a little b*tch and let your woman get hit and then take it from her while offering only a modicum of support? Lame-o. But her prissy reenactments were hilarious.

What is wrong with this guy?

Now the gentlemanly thing to do would have been to try and shield her or pull her out of the way as well. I’m not saying he should be a martyr for her but really, he didn’t even think to grab her and run? If I was with this guy, I would have taken that ball back and thrown it at his head, after taking the car keys to leave and some cash for a beer.

This isn’t the official sign that gentlemanly behavior is dead, but it makes me question how many are out there.

You can see the full video here. Winner.

What would you do if your boyfriend was this guy? Or do you know any guys who are still gentleman to you?

Maybe that’s a southeastern Wisconsin thing, or I just hang out with people who tend to do that, everyone I knew followed the rule that you never date a friend’s ex.

Not that I’ve WANTED to date many of them, but much like my “one that got away,” there were a few I thought may have been better suited for me :) But alas, it did not happen.

Recently, a friend and I were talking about this and she says this part of the code is antiquated.

Personally, I don’t know about that.

I’m still on the “nay” side of this, but my “pro” friend brought up a few valid points:

• Is this a bad teen flick? Those rules are not the same nowadays
• That relationship ended, it’s done
• What if he could be “the one” and you guys were supposed to meet by him being with a friend
• How close are you to this friend? Dating an ex of an acquaintance is different from dating a closer friend’s ex

Hmm valid, but there are two things that my crazy brain counters with:

• How would I feel if a friend dated, closer or not, dating someone I did? Wouldn’t it be weird to see them together?
• Can you move past that your friend was intimate with this guy you’re now dating?

Again, my brain is crazy but those are the first things that jump to mind when I think about this.

A friend back in Wisconsin dated and eventually married her friend’s ex, who really was her soulmate, but many times she mentioned (when drunk) that there was always a bit of resentment in her mind that her hubby slept with her friend years ago. Ew, that sounds like this resentment could only get worse.

Maybe this way of thinking is just old-school but as I get older and meeting new people and groups of friends, I feel like I can move beyond this or not let it hold me back.

And maybe it depends on the person. Some women may be more lax on this than others, but it’s still a sticky subject.

What about you? Would you date your friend’s ex?

Edit @ 10:35 p.m.: Lots of people are mentioning that it depends on the situation if they would date the ex. What situations would make this an exception to the code rule? When would you possibly go forward and do it?

Movie review: Oh yeah, forgot to say that my review of the Kids Are All Right is still up too. Seriously, Mark Ruffalo is hot and shirtless in it.

Anyhow, the short week has me all thrown off and out of sorts so I’m to give in to the random thoughts bouncing around in my head.

Prepare to enter the vortex of my odd mind:

• Is it embarrassing that I love teen fiction? Last weekend I read the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins and I am totally obsessed. I wish I could teleport to August when the final book comes out so I can see how it ends
• Conan O’Brien’s tour was in New York this week and not only did his dance off with Colbert and Stewart make me cry laughing, but also my true love, John Krasinski stopped by. He’s really hot in this picture.
• It felt weird that LOST wasn’t on this week. I feel like that will be a big void in my DVR, but my tear ducts will be happy to have some mercy
• Tonight I’m buying tickets to a midnight showing of Eclipse for Amy and me in Napa! I can’t wait!!!!!
• I need to start researching wineries for my trip to Napa in a few weeks…and I have not even started. Please, if you have any recommendations, send them my way!
• A coworker shared this clip of a horribly romantic wedding proposal and I did tear up watching it. See, I’m not so dead inside! I love sappy, romantic stuff like that because I’m jealous
• I hate coming home to an empty DVR because of summer hiatus. But, I’m sure I can fill my DVR with plenty of good/trashy TV soon, like Top Chef, Bethenny Getting Married, Rescue Me and of course, RHONJ. Cannot live without that
• I was sad to hear Rue McClanahan died today. She was sassy on Golden Girls…I like sass
• I got to taste Rotel and Velveeta dip (clients) for the first time today and it was AH-MAZING. I must make this again soon
• There are Twilight pre-paid credit cards available by MasterCard. No joke, I want one but think it would look weird to have an 18 year old Jacob in my wallet :)

Phew, lots in my head this week. What’s on your mind? Any big weekend plans?

I’m ready to make my debut back into the world of Chicago online dating to see what Match.com has to offer me in available men.

But online dating is tricky and frustrating so as I look ahead to round two, I’d like to think I’m a little wiser this time in terms of what to expect.

I’m not an online dating master, but I’m a little more realistic of how this thing works.

And, of course, I know that good stories will (hopefully) result. I am definitely looking forward to that.

So here’s what I know I’ll see guys do on Match again:

• Post photos of them from 10 years ago, thinking they still look like that now
• Say they’re open to “new possibilities,” including sexual ones
• Expect me to do all the work arranging the date
• Demand go out right away after reading your profile
• Not take “no thanks” for an answer
• Talk only about their pets, ex-girlfriends or desire to have kids within the next year on the first date

I’m sure I’ll update that list as this goes along :)

But with that, here’s what I’m keeping in mind as I jump back in:

• I don’t know if I’ll meet Mr. Right
• This is an opportunity to have FUN, try new things (NOT like that) and meet new people
• To stop joking that my level of expectations for a mate are “good credit” and “has a pulse”. I can keep it achievable and realistic without being limiting
• To not waste time on guys I’m just not interested in (that’s kind of mean)

There is a 50 percent chance I won’t meet anyone or anyone worth going out with, but hey, all I can do is be me!

For those who have done online dating, how many times did you do it and was your second experience better? Or for those who met someone through online dating, what set them apart? Or what is your online dating nightmare.

When I was growing up it was never “if” I go to college but “when.” And it was never “when” I get married, it was “if.”

I won’t lie, being raised in a divorced household has affected my view on relationships, marriage and commitment. But, as much as part of me hopes for that, I don’t expect it to happen to me.

My career is important to me, so are my friends and family. I find joy and validation of success in them. I know that one day, I want to be a VP, sit in an office and work on things that interest me. That is what I want. And of course, have minions :)

And it’s funny when I bring up these professional successes to some people because they nod and automatically ask, “are you seeing anyone?”

Sure that question is well intentioned but when I say, “no one,” it generates are response like, “oh well one day you’ll have a guy and you’ll be happy.”

That is not entirely correct. I don’t need a guy to be happy.

Before I can really be with a guy, I want to know I can be happy and content on my own. I want to be my own person, be successful on my own and know that I can take care of myself.

Right now, I’m three of those four things. And I’m working on the last piece that needs to be stronger.

In trying to help my writer’s block for this post, I talked to friends about how they felt about women being happy outside of their romantic relationships and I got some interesting responses.

Some shared stories about single friends who don’t celebrate their birthdays and view it as another reminder that they’re alone and a relationship failure.

It makes me sad to see people I know feel like they can’t celebrate themselves or their lives because a guy isn’t involved. Birthdays are a time to celebrate yourself and the good things in your life. It’s NOT to make you feel like you’re still alone and will be spending another year as such. NO! You should never stop celebrating you and who you are because you’re single. Ever.

And many of the committed friends I talked to about this said it best, “my relationships is a PART of my life but it is not my ENTIRE life.”

I also bring this up because this topic came up while planning my solo vacations. Someone who wasn’t so supportive said I should just wait to have someone go with me, guy or girlfriend. And I realized that my single status shouldn’t hold me back from doing what I want. And I’ll be in a better place to really be with someone if I can face my fears and be comfortable fully on my own.

What about you? Have you had this happen to any of your friends? What are your thoughts on the subject?

Movie review: Review of Date Night is still up on the review blog! I do love Steve Carell and Tina Fey.

When it’s winter in Chicago, few people go out like they do in summer and dating is a lot more difficult.

But now that its cancelled for a few months, I realized that a small part of the winter blues are settling in and there are a few silly things I’m missing right now:

• Sunshine that actually warms your face and body
• Crush-induced butterflies
• Walks by the lake
• Glee
• Seeing hot boys wearing blue dress shirts and khakis on the bus
• Not having to wear 2-6 layers of clothing to stay warm
• Kissing a boy (or sloppy makeout sessions)
• Grilling out
• Slow dancing with someone you really like
• The Office being actually funny and Grey’s Anatomy actually being interesting
• Sitting outside and reading a good book
• Skin-a-max in HD (Come on, you watch it too, don’t lie)

Hmm, after reviewing this list I’m either in heat or missing spring/summer. Maybe it’s time to start actually planning a vacation to address some of these missing needs.

Bringing home the bacon: 20sb bootleg

The 20sb bootleg award winners were announced yesterday and I’m so thrilled to share that my blog was the Last Chance winner!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

That’s right, I am proudly posting that badge on this post to show off how happy I am that I won (seriously, I’m beaming) and say a big thank you to everyone in the 20sb network who voted for me.

You made my week and you all get a big inappropriate hug the next time I see you. Be ready.

Has anyone else hit the winter blues yet? January might be a little early :) Or what are you missing right now? It can be on TV, from boys or anything!

Movie review reminder: The Lovely Bones review is still up and a new review will be posted this weekend!

I’ve been on Match for almost a year and starting in January, I’m taking a break. Sure, I was HOT right out of the gate but lately, the pickings have been slim, guys have been non-responsive and honestly, I’m not feeling like all the effort of online dating is totally worth it.

I’m not saying I’m closing the door on online dating but maybe if I step away and get through winter, the grass will be greener on the other side.

Why is dating harder in winter? Well let’s take a look:

• Season depression makes first dates look more like a Debbie Downer skit on SNL than a fun night out

• When it’s dark at 4 p.m., a nice dinner out isn’t as attractive as sweatpants and a cozy apartment

• It’s hard to look sexy when arriving on a date wearing a heavy coat, hat, gloves and snot is running out your nose (rawr!)

• Holidays and New Years pressure

Okay maybe there isn’t “pressure pressure” around the holidays but those are times for close friends, family and loved ones and, well just starting to date a guy then can make it uncomfortable.

Two years ago I was at a New Year’s party and a girl brought a Match.com guy as her date. She brought him along due to the inevitable holiday connotations and when he didn’t get a midnight kiss, they broke up in front of everyone. Awkward!

So what about you, do you find dating in the winter more difficult? Or do you find it just harder to be social in winter? Hibernation can be fun.

No pants!: I’m so glad I’m not the only one on the “leggings as pants” bandwagon. I understand some prefer to leave leggings back in their childhood memories (or nightmares) but being pantsless is liberating too. Hmm I don’t think I’ll wear pants on Friday, can’t wait!