Now that I’ve got some more confidence to really date, I need to brush up on my online dating profile, which means…being creative with my words.

But before I can “sex” up that language, I need to write out what I really want to say.

Then Arielle had a brilliant idea to write a brutally honest online dating profile, one we would love to post but won’t. You can check hers out here. Below, is mine. Behold.

Name: Jessica B

Bio: Third time on online dating, hoping it’s the charm. Yes, I’m not using this to just scam for a** anymore, I’m actually looking to date someone I can stand and want to make out with, more than just on a random Friday or Saturday night.

I am a thirty-something professional in Chicago. I like movies, music, art, pop culture and food. Yes, I’m not a “go out to dinner and eat a salad” kind of girl. I am petite and curvy but also in pretty good shape. I work out regularly, don’t have a big neck but do like to flex a little bit in the mirror (who doesn’t?) I am a bit of a morning person (wink wink) but also like to stay out late. I’m not a hipster (more like a prep), I proudly own and wear madras and TOMS but like a reason to get dressed up every now and then.

I’m looking for a guy who can make me laugh. A guy who can make me laugh and loves food, turns me on. But if you’re a jerk and can still make me laugh, you’re not really halfway there. Also, I can also smell a**hole a mile away. I like a romantic, which means treating me like a piece of shit to get my attention, won’t work. And guess what, some cheesy pick up lines are appreciated. I like holding hands and even a little public PDA, I mean, I’ve had to watch cuddlers on the bus for long enough, it’s SOMEONE ELSE’S TURN. I’m not going to try to dry hump you in public or try to remove your tonsil with my tongue. And on the subject of dry humping, I’m not okay with it. The only thing I can do is lay there and pretend to enjoy it (which I don’t). I mean, denim on denim rubbing could start a fire, and not a good one.

I’m not going to discuss sex in this profile but I will say this, I tend to be dominant so just go with it, it’s not bad :)

I also have a tendency to do the following:

• Sniff babies heads (don’t worry, the moms are okay with it)
• Be klutzy
• Care too deeply about the people I love
• Shower daily

I am also attentive, but that doesn’t mean you can take advantage of me. As tough as I am, I have a soft heart so every now and then, a compliment would be appreciated, as long as you mean it. And for me, it is the little things that count. Everything doesn’t need to be a big grand sweeping gesture, something as small as making dinner, going with me to a movie you don’t want to see or doing something “just because,” goes a long way.

So that’s me in a nutshell. Message me if we have something in common or if you would like to talk more.

And I have a paper mache cat/rabbit that I made as a child, named Bubbles. I love her, we are a package deal.

Time to make this more guy-friendly and it’s ready to post! What have you always wanted to say in an online dating profile?

While hiking in Seattle last week, I had a thought, that didn’t revolve around food or cocktails (for once).

It started with thinking about a really bad rom com with Jim Carrey that came out a few years ago called Yes Man. Quick summary, it’s about a guy (Jim Carrey) who decides to open himself up to new possibilities by saying “yes” to everything. Really, you don’t need to rent it, it wasn’t that good.

But the general idea stuck with me.

I consider myself to be a pretty easy going person but in order to expand my dating horizons, I need to take a “just say yes,” approach.

That means, if a guy asks me out, I’m going to say yes. I’m not going to second doubt it or look for reasons to say no. If he’s nice, seems sincere and I’m interested, I’ll say yes. No more “screening” phone calls to see if I’m “meet in public worthy.” I’m horribly awkward on the phone so that’s working against me already. Instead of turning down something that could be, well, something, I’m going to just give it a try.

So that’s my plan. Just say yes. Whether it’s to coffee, drinks or even just a walk to talk more. What do I have to lose?

And I need to be better about telling guys I’m interested in that I want to get together too. Yes, the archaic woman in me is still hesitant to do so, but now, I need to grow my own pair of dating balls and just go for it. Fortunately, I have my patented JB-way to deal with rejection without breaking a sweat. I mean, their loss right?

Why this sudden go-getter attitude with guys if I’m content solo? To be honest, this is the first time I feel ready to receive someone’s attention and affection.Two years ago, I met a nice guy who was genuinely interested in me, and I pushed him away because I couldn’t “hear” his comments that I was beautiful and fun to be with. I wasn’t ready then, but I feel ready now.

Of course, I’m not 100% convinced there is a Mr. Right out there for me, but while I keep living my solo life, if I find someone I’m interested in (and who feels the same), I’m ready to make room and time for him too.

Clear eyes, full hearts…CAN’T LOSE.

Are you a “just say yes” kind of person toward something in your life?

That’s right, no more kiddie pool, time to head to the deep end. Kidding, sort of.

During my weekend pedicure, the Millionaire Matchmaker was on TV (could not avoid it) and Patti made a comment that made me think. If you make love a priority, love will come to you. I don’t totally believe that but it’s not a secret that in the battle of dating vs. work in my life, work seems to win pretty consistently. So maybe there is some truth to that.

Her comment made me think about putting love and dating a little more at the forefront, which means, I have to be open to dating guys that might not be my…type.

Being in my early 30s, there comes a new reality of dating. I may date men who are divorced, men who have kids and men who are still in their 20s. And dating men in their 20s when you are not 20-something anymore feels…weird.

Now that I’m in a new decade, I’m trying to be more open minded and not let the (potential) age difference feel like a barrier. Friends (including guys) tell me that age isn’t a big deal, but they’re still in their 20s, I’m not. So is that easier said than done?

I’ve also had one (or more) friends say that I have a checklist of qualities I want in a guy. This isn’t a bad thing (e.g. no criminals) but in order to open up the dating pool, I need to be a little more flexible.

But in the spirit of being more open I still need to be logical. Recently, I completely misread a situation with a guy and interpreted conversations as flirting and interest, instead it was friendship. DAMN YOU FRIEND CARD. That realization was a bummer, but, it was that spark (or my interpreted spark) that got me thinking about this again. So that’s not a total loss.

What about you? Did you date outside of your “type?” If so, how did you know where to be flexible?

From the title of this post, you may think that this is a preview for a bad Syfy movie or campy film, but it is not!

While talking to Jenn last week, I lamented how much I missed my fur nephew and how sad it was to come home to a puppy-less, quiet apartment.

Then I said, “I guess it’s time to go back to internet dating.”

I meant that as a joke, but while watching a Back To The Future marathon on AMC (love that movie) and reading my new book, I thought about that statement more.

Here is the deal, I want a dog badly. But it’s still not a reality for me now. I have to move (dogs are not allowed in my place), get through Italy and honestly, see if I get a bump in salary. Oh, and most important, I need to get my work hours back under control. I know this, yet part of me every day wants to walk in to PAWS and see if an adult dog is there with my name on it.

So since I can’t have a dog, I’m going back to internet dating. Why is that my fallback? I guess it comes down to feeling a little…lonely. Christmas at home was a ton of fun but part of me felt like something was missing, like companionship. There have been a recent spurt of friends getting married, having babies and moving out of Chicago and I feel a little…left behind. Suddenly, I’m the last single girl left in many groups of friends.

Internet dating or a dog are not “fillers” to make myself happy but being around my fur nephew and seeing how much I do love him, made me realize that I need to find something to make myself feel content. That may be a relationship and I owe it to myself to see. Boys may be as messy as dogs, but my right one loves to cuddle and will love me just as I am.

And as of New Years Day, I’m “back on the market” so to speak. Fortunately, this time I had plenty of adorable pictures to choose from for my profile. I’ll take that as a positive sign?

What about you? How are you feeling now that we’re almost a full week in to the new year?

New movie review: I’m hitchin’ up the horse and reviewing the Western Coen brothers movie True Grit.